Tsuyoi 強い ⋮ Gojo Satoru

Chapter 30

You curl your fingers and the tissue crumples in your palm. Your eyes don't leave your hand. That voice. It sounds so, so familiar. It almost sounds like.....

You shake your head. There's just no-freaking-way.

"Sexy? Hardly..." you snort in response. You were completely confounded at the thought of Yuji saying something like that, because you knew he never would, "Such a weird thing for you to—"

You couldn't finish your sentence. You notice a pair of red shoes appear a few feet away and your eyes gape in bewilderment. You feel a sudden pang in your chest as you look up at the pink-haired boy who walks back into the room but he stands in front of you now.

"—say." You finish your sentence.

"Here's that band......" Yuji's eyes stare at something behind you. You didn't know what it was and whatever it is, it makes him almost speechless,
"......aid."

Your heart stops at the sight of the boys paling expression. If Yuji was standing in front of you, then who or what stands behind you? Who handed you the tissue? Who told you to apply pressure? Who gave you that wiseacre remark? You sit idly with your gaze fixed back on the stuffed doll and you ponder who it could be. And if it is who you thought it was then you don't look back, you didn't want to. You don't want to look back to realize and discover that it was just a dream again. And you've had way too many dreams over the course of these dreadful months—many disappointing, heart-wrenching ones. Ones that you no longer wish to experience.

Yuji's blank expression slowly fades away; the pink-haired boy now grins from ear to ear. Everything slows down. You see Yuji's mouth moving as he converses with someone, but you don't hear a single thing he's saying. You couldn't hear anything. Your body cradles the state of inertia. Time stands still once more and you almost forget what it was like to be drowning in consternation. Apprehension sets in. Nervousness sets in. A sense of sadness saturates you. All these feelings that you suffered from; all these feelings that you banished now welcomes you again with open arms.

Your hands begin to tremble slightly as you place the plush and needle down on the table. Your mind sits with insensibility; you couldn't shake out of this stupor. You want to look back but you don't. You don't want to repeat the unremitting denial, the implacable anger, the intransigent bargaining or the unrelenting depression. It took, what felt like, an eternity for you to embrace and settle with acceptance. You don't want to begin to imagine what it would be like to see yourself in a rerun of the worst soap opera known to mankind—yet you do.

An unhealthy exchange; If fate allowed you to see him (even if just for a moment) for the price of reliving grief, you'd do it. You knew you would. Even if it hurts you. Even if it kills you—figuratively speaking. So you stand up and you turn around.

Your chest tightens and you even forget how to breathe.

The guy. He looked extremely worn out and weary, you could see it in his eyes; like he hadn't slept in ages, like he'd exhausted all his energy. He had a hand scratching one side of his head and his other held a bouquet of flowers and in a color you'd never choose. But you can't blame the guy for trying, you've never told him your favorite type of flowers or what your favorite color was. At the same time, you didn't give two shits. It's always been the thought that counted. And right now that was the least of your concerns.

It was all too surreal. Were you dreaming? There he is standing in front of you. The face you'd been yearning to see. The face that visited you frequently in your dreams. The face you thought you'd never physically see again. You close your eyes and shake your head.