Irreplaceable [h.s]

Chapter 38

Leah POV

I slowly wake up to the golden sun beaming through the windows in the living room, making me squeeze my eyes closed, letting out a long groan, keeping my eyes closed. I feel my head pound heavily, making me roll over onto my side as I put my hand to my head, scrunching my face up in discomfort. I let out a slow and long and slow sigh, the pain and heaviness in my heart from yesterday returning.

The pain it brought me is beyond words. I fucked up, so bad. I knew the morning after what I did would hurt Harry, fucks sake, I knew it the night of but was too wasted to understand how horrible it truly was. I should have known though. Me being drunk isn't an excuse. I should've known better. I should've realized that it would hurt Harry and stopped it. Not only because I love him, but because I can't bare causing him pain.

Yet as he said, I have. I did the one thing that I never wanted to do and the thing he didn't think I would do. And the expression on his face of pure betrayal and hurt is burned into my head. I don't think I could ever get it out even if I wanted to. I don't deserve to though. This is my consequence and I have to deal with it.

'And you broke my heart.' his words replay in my head, sending a chill down my spine and the feeling of my heart cracking inside of my chest. The shakiness and weakness in his voice when he said it and the tears streaming down his face is left inside of my head, replaying over and over, reminding me just how bad I fucked up and how I hurt the one person I never wanted to.

I thought he would be more angry when I told him. I thought it would push him over the edge in that way but I didn't see that yesterday. When he raised his voice, it was not out of anger, it was out of pain and disbelief. I knew that then and I don't blame him for how he reacted at all. He has every right to be upset and then to leave, considering what I did.

I won't lie and say it didn't hurt though. I knew he needed it and that it would be best for him. I didn't try to stop him because I knew it's what he needed to do. He needed space. He needed time to think. But seeing him walk out of that door, leaving me behind without a second thought in his apartment alone stung a bit. Knowing that I had hurt him so bad that he needed to get away. Get away from me.

I never wanted him to feel like that. I've always wanted him to feel the opposite. To feel as though he could always talk to me and that instead of walking away, we would communicate with one another. I always wanted him to want to be around me, to talk to me. I wanted him to feel safe and comfortable around me and for a second, it felt like that again

Until I fucked it all up.

When he left the apartment last night, I completely broke down into strangled and gasping sobs. I felt guilt weigh on me harder than ever before as I tortured myself, replaying the picture of him crying in front of me and his words over and over again in my head until I laid on the couch and cried my way to sleep.

I cried so much that my eyes were sore and had to close out of the pain I was in while keeping them open. I then must have moved and laid down on the couch properly because I ended up falling asleep with my head on the back of the couch. Thankfully I moved because if not, I would have the biggest neck and back pain right now.

I let out a long sigh before my eyes slowly flutter open, the brightness of the sun shining through the window blinding me momentarily before I slowly begin to adjust. I then throw the blanket off of me, getting up off of the couch and stumbling slightly over to the kitchen, opening up a cabinet and grabbing out some Tylenol.

I toss those into my mouth then fill up a glass of water, drinking some to swallow down with the two pills. After I'm done, I slowly chug the water, realizing just how dehydrated I am. As I close my eyes, drinking the water, I hear a door creak open, the sound making my heart feel like it completely stops in my chest as I freeze.