Irreplaceable [h.s]

Chapter 14

"Leah"

His voice echoes in my head as I stare straight out in front of me, not believing what I've just heard. His voice. The voice I dreamed about today. The voice I remember so vividly now speaking to me over the phone for the first time in over two months. I never thought he'd call again. I never thought I would even hear his voice again. I was prepared to go without out but now that I've heard it again, I've realized I don't know if it was something I could of ever lived without.

I wanted him to call me. I wished every night before bed that I would wake up to a call or text from him. I would check my phone constantly to make sure he hadn't called during that first month. But now that I'm on the phone with him and he's just spoken my name again, I wish I could go back in time. I wish I never picked up the phone because I know this is going to destroy me.

I feel my chest tighten and a lump form in my throat as I bite down on my bottom lip. "Harry." I breathe out shakily.

The silence over the phone only makes it feel like my throat begins to close up the more the seconds pass by. I can barley breathe. I don't even notice it until a small sob goes past my lips, making me smack my hand over my mouth, trying to silence it. I then feel myself begin to gasp for air, making me drop my phone down on the counter before I take a few steps back from it.

I don't know what's happening to me.

I was doing so good and then all of the sudden, I hear his voice again and everything inside of me just breaks all over again. I thought I was okay. I thought I was finally healing. I wish that all was true because then I wouldn't be feeling the way I am now. I then hear Harry's very distant voice come from the phone, the sound making me bite down on my trembling bottom lip, trying to hold myself together.

The second I hear him speak up again though, I quickly walk towards my phone before I press the end button the call, the line going dead. I let out a loud sigh as I grasp onto the edge of the counter, feeling like it's hard to breathe. 'Please hold on. You have to be strong. Don't cry' I repeat in my head over and over again as I stare down at the counter, using every fiber in my body to hold me and my emotions together.

There comes a moment though where the pain just become too unbearable. Where all of the weight your carrying becomes too heavy and you need to let it go. That wall I had built that convinced everyone I was doing better just collapses. I put my two hands over my mouth, trying to muffle the loud sobs that tear through my lips one after another, tears now streaming down my face.

All of the pain I covered up is now completely bare. That facade I put up now destroyed. It nearly had me convinced that I was okay but I should of known that wasn't the case. I knew I would break eventually but I didn't think it would be like this. This was nowhere near the pain even thinking of his name brought me. It's much worse.

Because all of that, all the memories I rely on is in the past. It's what we used to be. But this, this is present. After two months, he decided to pick up his phone and click on my contact and call me. And his voice. I could hear how it shook. I could hear the fear and pain behind it. It sounded vulnerable and raw. It was a sound from him I wish I would never hear because that alone makes my heart ache.

Once I feel my back press against the wall, I quickly come out of my thoughts, feeling my knees shaking underneath me. I need to get out of here. I feel like every second longer I spend in here, the more I suffocate. I quickly stumble towards my room, shoving my feet in my boots that sit right beside the door. After I bend down to zip them up, I freeze for a moment, an idea coming over me.

I then turn around, walking slowly over to my bedside table before I open up the drawer. I see my camera sitting there, it not being touched in over two months. Before I can think about what all is on it, I grab it in my hands. I then put the strap that connects to the camera around me before I walk back out into the kitchen, grabbing my phone, car keys and purse, leaving the apartment.