Blistering Sun II : Shame & Deception

Not Coping

***
QUIL

Esme has invited us to lunch, The whole pack, for no apparent reason;
But we all know it's because of the frigid atmosphere that has appeared between our pack and them.
Jake has barely left his cabin for the past dozen days, and when he does bother coming out he's like a zombie; just going through the motions.
It's affecting us all.
Claire is affected.
She's been inconsolable since Renesmee left; It's lucky it's the summer break or I would have had to keep her off of school.
She was wrapped up tight in with me in our blanket at last night's fire-meeting. Jake had appeared, for a while at least, but he had blanked the rest of us as he had stared into the fire.
There had been a thick tension in the air and all the children felt it. Ollie and Alfie had been so affected that Steph had escaped with them back to their cabin extremely early.
Not that they missed anything; no stories, no laughter, no actual socialising of any kind.
That night,  when I had been tucking her into bed, something she has begun needing again recently, she had whispered something that had chilled my heart "Quil? I think Jake is broken"
She had said aloud what we have all been thinking these last couple of weeks. There isn't just something wrong; Jake has been broken.
Leah is adament that the Cullen's are hiding something from us; that they know what happened to make him like this.
I think that is what this out of the blue lunch is about, showing that they don't.
I don't think they would do anything to hurt Jake. They love him....
..But, I have to admit that I'm worried it's some stupid Vampire law thing that is stopping them telling us. Keeping us in the dark for our own good is also something they are buggers for.
I pull on a clean t-shirt as I hear Claire call from the living room. 
Time to go. I just hope this doesn't turn into a screaming match between the two sections of our family.

******

JACOB

Alice is dressing me.
Literally. 
I'm sat on my bed, studying the pattern of my wallpaper as she pulls jeans and a t-shirt onto me.
She's already frogmarched me into the shower and after seeing I wasn't going to do anything more that lean against the cold wall with the water pounding on me she had taken control and washed me herself.
I didn't mind. The others make my mind go wrong and .....he is there..., but with Alice that doesn't happen. I'm not sure why but I'm glad it doesn't. 
She talks to me. She talks a lot, I  have no idea what she is saying.
"Jake? Are you even listening?"
With effort I drag my eyes away from the lines in the wall and to her, "No" I manage before I find myself drawn back to the mundane that helps keep my brain in check.
"Oh, Jake"
I look down, slightly surprised to see her with her arms around my neck. She's hugging me. 
I feel my throat thicken with a lump of emotion.
No no no no!
"Get off me! What the hell are you doing? " I jump up and away from her.
"I'm sorry". She quickly backs away. "I didn't mean to..."
"Get the fuck away from me. Get out! I SAID GETTHEFUCKOUT !!!!!"
My throat hurts from the unbared scream and my face feels like it is on fire.
I'm scared to feel. When I feel my inside twist with such acute shame I am worried I won't make it another second; I am eclipsed in shame.
Alice is stood in the doorway. She has backed off enough that I can breathe.
I feel a wave of relief and manage to take in a deep breath.
She doesn't say a word. This is why I can handle her. She knows I need silence after those moments of complete losted control. The others ask too many questions; what's wrong; let me help; tell me what happened, Alice just let's me be.
She gives me a tiny smile and heads into the living room. A few moments later I hear the click of the kettle.
I stand on shaky legs and follow her. "I'm sorry," I mutter.
She gives me one of her winning smiles to let me know all is forgiven but my insides are churning with worry.
"I don't think it's such a good idea for me to go.." I begin, but she seriously shakes her head.
"Edward has told me I have to make sure you are there."
I nod and slump down on my breakfast stool. I dont have enough willpower to argue. Why won't they just leave me alone? Let me rot here like I deserve.
"You have to at least try to socialise, Jake. Your pack needs you."
I nod but I don't believe that . They did just fine without me when I was....away.
I am weak. They would be better off without me.
I dutifully drink the coffee she places in front of me. It taste like shit. Even my taste buds hate me.