A Slave to Broken Hearts (A Slave to Love Sequel)

Chapter 62: Frustrations

There he was.

Sitting on my apartment steps as I walked home from the bus stop after a long shift at work, was Ace. He sat there the same way I'd found him weeks ago when he'd had a bad night, only this time he seemed so much worse. It had been a full week since we'd last spoken or hung out, which wasn't that long in the grand scheme of things, but considering how often we usually spoke and saw each other, and how upset he'd been the last few times I'd seen him...my relief that he was back was short lived.

"Hey," he said weakly, looking more exhausted and run down than ever, tie askew, suit jacket wrinkled and undone, white shirt hastily tucked in his waistband.

"Hi," I said, stopping short, gripping my bag strap, unsure what else to do or say when everything felt so deeply wrong, the world tilted off its axis. At the very least, as Loren had assured me and as far as I could tell by looking at him, Ace was in one piece and uninjured.

"I'm sorry I pulled a Houdini. I know you tried to reach me but uh...it's been an interesting week," he said, gripping his wrist so tight his knuckles were stretched white against his skin.

"I figured as much," I said, shifting my weight from foot to foot, feet a bit sore from work, unsure if I should go near him or not. He seemed...off. Worse than I last saw him, but in a different way. It was unsettling.

"I wanted to talk...we should talk. I need to talk you," he said, and it was so unlike him to speak like that, like he wasn't sure, like he couldn't get his thoughts together.

"About what?" But I had a sinking feeling whatever it was, it wasn't going to be good. And judging by his face, his lack of attempt at even trying for a smile to reassure me, only made me feel worse. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, jaw tight, saying nothing, like he couldn't get the words out. 

"Ace?" Fear had me feeling woozy and sick. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"I can't--" he started, breathing hard and shaky, head in his hands. "I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" 

"I just..." a choked sound, almost a laugh, but something else too, frustration. "God, Kiana, everything is a fucking disaster and I can't do it anymore."

"Is it work? Did something happen?" 

"A lot of things happened," he said, gripping his hair tight with his hands, head still down. "It's all so--and I shouldn't even be here--fuck, I'm sorry, Kiana. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I was frozen to the spot, not understanding anything, wanting to comfort him, wanting to fix this, him, but fear had completely shut me down, useless. 

"For this, for all of it," he said, standing abruptly now, pacing across the length of the steps, restless. "I've been trying to make it better, trying to fix it but I'm just making everything so much worse, and I shouldn't even be here right now, you shouldn't have to see me like this, no one should, but least of all you."

"Ace--"

"Between everything that's happened in the last year and these last few months--and then with that council member almost hurting you? And then that Todd guy asking you out I just--it was the last wake up call I was severely in need of that I've been ignoring. I can't give you what you deserve, Kiana. Not even close. And as much as I want you in my life, I also don't want to hurt you, you've been through enough and you don't need me coming into your life like this and raising your hopes and then not being able to give you anything and hurting you more."

"Did I miss the Secret Santa exchange? I'm not expecting you to give me anything, Ace. I don't want anything from you, I just want you. However I can. I know exactly what your life entails and if you haven't noticed, my life is an absolutely trainwreck right now too. And I couldn't care less about Todd, he literally means nothing to me, so I don't see why he matters," I said quickly, heart racing in my chest because he couldn't be saying what I thought he was, he couldn't, he just couldn't, I thought we were good--