Before you go // Jonah Marais

Chapter 26: "It's okay, I got you"

I let out a scream as I violently cry in Jonah's shower.

A loud knock sounds at the door. "Peyton?" Jonah calls through the door. "Peyton? are you okay?" his voice is full of worry.

"I'm okay, sorry I had to get that out," I yell back, letting out a small chuckle.

I wash the tears from my face before stepping out of the shower. Corbyn and Zach haven't come back with my clothes yet, so Jonah gave me some of his to wear. I slip on his plain black shirt, watching it fall over my knees. I pick up his grey sweatpants, pulling them over each leg, rolling them up a few times so they fit better.

I walk out of Jonah's bathroom, looking like less of a mess. Jonah lays on his bed, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"I should've hurt him," Jonah says. "I should've hurt him the way he hurt you."

I walk over to the bed, laying down next to him. "I asked you not to. I asked you to stay with me and that's what you did," I quietly remind him.

Jonah turns his head to the side, looking at me with soft eyes. I turn my head to the side to look at him as well, tears swelling up in them again.

I let out a laugh, "God, I'm so sick of crying."

Jonah brings his thumb up to my cheek, wiping away the tear that slipped from my eye. "It's okay, to cry love," He starts. "It's more than okay. It's healthy."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to stop crying," I whisper.

"It might not feel like it. But you will. And I'm here. You can let go of all those emotions right here." He encourages, wiping falling tears from my face. " You're safe. You can rant. You can cry. You can say nothing at all or everything. It doesn't matter. It's okay, I got you. Let it out, angel. Don't push it back, don't hold it in. Just let it out."

I lay my head on his chest, taking in his coffee and expensive cologne scent. I allow myself to cry, no longer holding it in. He plays with my hair in a comforting manner, allowing me to cry into his chest.

"I thought he was my soulmate. I loved him. He felt like home, but I should've realised when that feeling slowly went away. When he slowly started to distance himself. Why am I not good enough? What is so wrong with me that he went off and cheated?" I sob, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Listen to me Peyton, and listen hard. There is nothing wrong with you. You are good enough. Sometimes we think someone is the one, and they turn out not to be. It's going to hurt for a little, but you will be okay. You will find your person, whether it's sooner or later. You will find them," Jonah reassures. "Repeat after me. I am good enough."

"I am good enough," I sniffle.

"There is nothing wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with me."

"Good. Now keep saying it."

I follow his instructions, continuing to repeat what he said. My breathing calms, and the tears slowly stop falling. I let out a soft yawn, trying to keep my eyes from closing. However, with each blink, it gets harder and harder to keep them open.

"I'm so tired," I murmur. "So freaking tired."

"Go to sleep, angel. You'll be okay. Let those beautiful eyes of yours close." Jonah mumbles into my hair, placing a soft kiss on the top of my head.

I want to argue with him. Tell him I don't want to sleep. But my body listens to him. Listening to the sound of his heartbeat, I close my eyes. Darkness takes over my senses, taking me to a peaceful sleep.

-

"Peyton," someone whispers, shaking me slightly.

"I hate you," I grumble, trying to push my head deeper into Jonah's chest, only to find it not there.

Opening my eyes, I look around for Jonah. Alex stands next to the bed, looking down at me. I let a small smile form on my lips when I see him.

"Hey, Alex," I breathe.

"Hey P, how are you feeling?" Alex asks. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I had to calm down."

"I'm okay," I force a smile. "I'm glad you're here."

Alex takes a seat on the bed next to me, his hand intertwines with mine giving it a small reassuring squeeze.

"I brought some your favourite ice cream, it's sitting in the freezer downstairs. I was thinking we could watch a movie, how does that sound?"

"I would like that, I'll get one of the boys to help set it up."

I make my way off the bed and out of the room. As I walk down the hall to the stairs I tie my hair into a messy bun. I can hear the boys downstairs, talking amongst themselves. I walk over to the kitchen, grabbing the ice cream Alex brought over out. Footsteps sound behind me before they stop at the entrance way.

"I asked him to let you sleep," Jonah grumbles.

"It's okay, I should be sleeping in the guest room anyway."

"I'm fine with sleeping in the guest room, Peyton." Jonah frowns.

"Can you help set up a movie in the guest room? Alex and I want to watch one," I ask.

Jonah grabs two spoons out of a drawer, "Of course, but you're sleeping right after okay?"

"I will, you can even tuck me into bed," I smile.

"Sounds like a plan," he whispers in my ear.

Jonah walks me upstairs, setting 'the fault in our stars' up for me. I walk out of the guest room and into Jonahs to find Alex. He moved to a lying position, with his phone above his face. I stand there for a minute before he drops his phone on his face and I laugh softly.

The rest of the night went how I thought it would. I cried over the movie, then cried over Nathan and I. I ate a shit ton of ice cream. Alex left and Jonah tucked me into bed. He laid on the bed with me and read the book we started at the hospital. I slowly drifted off to sleep not long after that.