I'm going to tell her. I can't believe myself.
I'm seaming with anticipation and fear as I open the front door. "Hey, come in."
El smiles at the sight of my face and goes in for a hug, "I missed you!"
I let out an awkward laugh, "Yeah...I'm sorry it's been so long. I've had to do some thinking."
El shrugs, "It's ok. Let's go to your room and you can tell me what you've been thinking so much about."
I swallow hard, if this is difficult already how am I going to do this? Why would I think this is a good idea?
As my thoughts cave in inside my head El takes my hand and looks at me, her face showing concern. "You zoned out. Is something...wrong?"
I put on the fake face that I've been using so much, "Of course not. I do that a lot. If there was an award for the person who zones out the most I'd win it for sure." El looks like she doesn't believe me and she pulls me towards my room. I roll my shoulders back, hoping to look confident. I don't want El to see me broken. The thing is I'm getting worse at hiding it. I just want to be able to tell her everything is ok. I just want everything to be ok.
When we get to my room I close the door, pausing before I turn to face El, wondering if I should really do this. But then I feel a hand on my shoulder, "Max?"
I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting tears as my breathing labors. El gently turns me around, I quickly wipe away a tear, hoping she didn't notice I let out a deep breath, "Sit?"
El nods and places herself on the edge of my bed. I sit next to her, avoiding eye contact.
I keep staring at the floor, but I make myself open my mouth. I have to say it. For me. For us?
"I like girls and boys."
El is quiet next to me. So silent it's like she isn't there. I move my head to look at her, and my eyes meet hers as my head lifts up. She has a nervous smile on her face. I feel my heart speed up as her gaze moves from my eyes to my lips, flickering back up as if to ask for permission. I give her a questioning look and she nods. I stay still as her face nears mine, frozen. Then something kicks in and I guide her up so that we're standing, draping my arms around her waist, all without breaking the kiss.
El moves her arms around my neck and I pull away slowly, "I want to kiss you until I lose my breath but then I'd die, and that would be a shitty way to start this."
El leans her head on my shoulder and chuckles, "What is this?"
I smile, feeling a sense of peace come over me, "Forever."
A/N: I know it's cheesy shut up. Also go check out A sillie story by uwuworthy! Don't kill me carrots :)
