In a nest of blankets in my bed, I stare at the ceiling in thought. Every day I'm plagued with an empty feeling, it hangs over me mockingly. I don't know if I'll ever be able to move on.
I hear a knock on my window and startle up. El is standing there. She looks at my confused expression and waves awkwardly, motioning for me to come over.
I wrap myself in a blanket and lumber over to the window. Pushing it up and leaning on the window sill, "What are you doing here? It's like 5 in the morning."
She lets out a short laugh and looks down, "That early? Why are you up?"
"I couldn't sleep- why, why are you here?"
"Get dressed," she says, putting her hand on my forearm.
I shake my head, "You didn't answer me El. Is something wrong? Are you okay?"
"I am so good. The best I've ever been. Get dressed and come outside now."
I throw my arms up, "Why the hell not I guess?"
I put on my clothes from yesterday and hop out my window. El grabs my hand and starts to walk. I look around and don't see a bike. I stop in my tracks.
El turns around, "What?"
"Did you walk here?"
A beat passes before she answers, "Yes."
"Are you having some sort of manic episode? Why did you walk here at 5 in the morning?"
El smiles, "No, I'm mentally stable."
I snort, "Well that's a fucking lie."
She hits my arm lightly, "As if you're any better."
"Fair...fair- where are we going?"
El scratches her head, seeming to avoid the question. She takes a moment of consideration, "I don't really know."
"Could you not wait until later to hang out? Am I that cool?"
She takes my hand again, "You're like, totally tubular."
Scoffing, I feign a gag, "Don't say that. You sound like Lucas."
She raises her eyebrows, "I thought you liked Lucas?"
"As a friend."
Her lips quirk up, "Oh...good."
"Good?"
She starts walking again, dragging me along with her, "Yes."
I roll my eyes, "You're very mysterious today Jane."
"I'm just like that, Maxine."
"Ew, don't call me that."
"Then don't call me Jane," she says, still pulling me in no certain direction. Eventually, we're walking side by side along the road. We don't let go of each other's hands.
"But Jane is regal, it makes you sound like a princess."
"I'm not a princess."
"And I'm not a skater," I say jokingly.
"Fine, I'll be a princess."
I crouch down quickly, picking a wildflower before handing it to her, "A flower for the princess."
She takes it and slides it into her hair, "You're a peach."
"Personally, I prefer oranges. Citrus is nice."
El's gaze lingers on my face for a second of silence, "Do you?"
"Yeah, they taste good?"
She stops walking, "Cool."
I make a face, "Why'd you stop?"
"This seemed like a good time to tell you I'm in love with you."
I blink a few times, then pinch myself. "Holy shit, you just said that," I say in disbelief.
"Are you going to respond?"
"I'm in love with you too," I answer breathlessly.
"What?" El says, looking at me like I'm insane.
"Did I say something wrong?"
"Did you hear me?" she says, looking at me weirdly.
I feel myself blushing, "Could you repeat yourself?"
"I said I'm breaking up with Mike."
"Oh. I must have misheard you. Maybe I heard what I wanted you to- NOPE, shouldn't have said that. Fuck, I just ruined everything, didn't I? Sorry, I'm like, completely ignoring what you said- why are you breaking up with Mike?"
"I don't love him anymore."
I sit down on the grass next to the road, "So you came to my house acting all happy, just to tell me you don't love Mike anymore?"
"I didn't want to come crying...Max, why did you say what you said?"
I run my hands through my hair, "How much more obvious do I have to be. I said, I SAID I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO! Ok?!? Can we ignore it now, let's talk about Mike. Why don't you love him?"
El kneels in front of me, "That doesn't matter anymore, why do you love me?"
I rub my eyes and exhale, frustrated, "How could you not know?"
"Tell me why."
On the verge of tears, I stare at her, "Why does that matter?"
"Just tell me, Max, we can't just...ignore us."
"Us?"
She takes my hands, "Our relationship. Tell me why you love me, we can't just not talk about this."
"Have you looked in a mirror? You are the most perfect person I've ever seen. Your whole attitude, personality, smile, it's all so...outrageously wonderful. I'm terrified of how much I feel for you. I would do anything for you, be there for you forever. Until I die I can't leave you. And if you die I will sit by your grave until my bones crumble next to your headstone."
Her grasp on my hands grows tighter.
I speak again, "Can't you see it?"
Tears well up in her eyes, "I didn't know how you felt."
Laughter erupts from my throat, "I know."
She moves one of her hands to my cheek, "Do you really love me that much?"
"Nothing could stop my loving you."
"Not death?"
"When the sun explodes and no one exists, my love will be there. Still as fiery and vivid as it is in this moment."
"Since when were you a poet?" El asks, her hand twirling my hair.
I smile, "I'm not a poet. There's just no simple way for me to tell you how I feel."
An almost magnetic force draws us closer to each other, lips connecting with the force of a volcano exploding. In the darkness of the early morning, the sun seems to create a spotlight around us. At the moment I'm sure our love is the center of everything.
When El pulls away she meets my gaze, "You'll love me forever?"
"For eternity."
