I Am Lacerta - Reposted for the Watty Awards 2011

I Am Lacerta Chapter 37

I Am Lacerta Chapter 37

My kidnapper dragged me into a side alley, but he made the fatal error of loosening his grip on my mouth. I bit his hand and he pulled it back sharply. I grabbed his arm and flipped him, grabbing his wand out of his other hand in the same swift movement.

"Stupefy!" I said and my kidnapper froze on the ground. "Muffliato!" I said waving my hand around us so I could get acquainted with my kidnapper undisturbed.

"Now let's see who's stupid enough to- Oh!" I cut off when I looked down and saw myself looking into the face of Draco Malfoy. "Tut tut, Draco - do you never learn? You really thought you could attack me with no reaction? You must get dumber by the day..isn't that why you're still in school? Aren't you meant to be in school now, ickle Drac-key?" I cackled with laughter.

He really did look very weak and futile so I kicked him before muttering, "Rennervate." to revive him. 

Draco lunged for his wand, but I was too quick and I pulled it out of his reach.

"Ah ah ah, Drac-key! Don't they teach you not to grab at school? I'll be keeping that. I never trusted you Draco, you're too spineless to be human. How do you even have enemies?" I mocked him.

"Have you ever considered the fact that maybe, I'm only spineless around you. And I have plenty of enemies thank you very much... Just because I'm scared of you..." Draco said solemnly, muttering the last part. I just laughed in his face.

"Flattery won't get you your wand back, dear cousin of mine.." I trailed off as I realised that the Draco I knew had never told me he was scared of me. I quickly covered my temporary realisation by saying:

"Did you come all the way down here to see little ol' me? 'Cos I recently got a letter from your mother telling me I should try and prevent you from doing this sort of thing and be a good little boy.. but obviously you know that, she sent you a copy too. What did you think?" I asked putting "my cousin" on the spot.

If this was the real Draco Malfoy, he would say something like, "I didn't get this letter, what are you talking about, Lacerta?" seeing as he mother didn't send him a copy of this letter. Instead "Draco" said:

"God, I know. I wouldn't usually expect that of her!" I knew immediately that the person was not Draco Malfoy. I decided to not let on any sign that would suggest I'm on to him, so I said:

"Really? I'd expect it of her. She's mega protective of you.. anyway, ickle Drac-key probably ought to get back to bed - you might wake up late tomorrow morning. Then ickle Drac-key would be in big twouble!" I said mockingly, laughing loudly.

"Just because you're too stupid to stay in school - just because you think you're above education, doesn't mean that the rest of us aren't willing to learn all we need for the future!" he snapped, in a very un-Draco Malfoy-ish manner. "You idiotic cow!" he spat, which threw me over the edge. There is no way in hell that a Malfoy, permitting perhaps Narcissa as she is truly a Black, would ever say to a Lestrange or a Black - and I was both.

I smirked and said unnerved, "I know all the spells I need for the future already, dear cousin of mine! Like-" I laughed "Imperio!" I shouted, and Draco started cartwheeling around the alley-way "Crucio!" I screeched and he fell to the ground, writhing and moaning "Avis." I muttered and a flock of birds flew from my wand. "Avada Kedavra!" I shouted and the birds fell down to the floor.

"Draco" looked terrified, he was physically shaking. 

"See what I mean, dear cousin o' mine." I said, with a toothy grin. He flinched.