Pernicious | Kai Parker

Chapter 32

Kai felt better in the morning.

It was like the hours immediately after the Merge left him bombarded with every single feeling he'd never had before. But now that he'd slept it off, he looked better, and no longer felt like he needed to cry.

He still looked a bit confused, and slightly sad, but he perked up when he saw that Amelia had brought them a fresh breakfast from a nearby diner. If there was one thing that could make a mopey Kai Parker feel better, it was food.

"I think I have a new deadly sin to add to the list I mentioned to Elena the other day," mentioned Amelia, not thinking (or caring) about whether this comment would rub off in the wrong way or not. "I had already told her about lust, wrath, and pride, but gluttony fits, too."

Kai snorted a bit, but didn't laugh, as if this wasn't funny to him. "I still feel like shit," he announced once he finished having breakfast. "And it's like, fucking horrible. Usually when I feel good or bad, I just have sex and I feel better. Right now, I don't think I could enjoy that. Hell, I didn't shave this morning, Meli. I always shave, but right now, I have no motivation. And I'm hoping you don't get mad at me for growing a beard."

She blinked. "I don't know why I would get mad at you for that, but alright. Um, let's see." She pulled out her phone and handed it to him. "Look up what you need, and we'll go from there."

Kai started to type, speaking out loud, "How to process emotional pain." A pause, as he looked through the results. "'Write what you feel in a letter and burn it.' Huh, that should be easy enough. Do you have a pen and paper, Meli?"

She had to go down to the office to get some, but brought back a few sheets, some pencils, and a pen. She sat as patiently as she could, watching Kai write a letter to no one in particular.

He started to cry, and she sighed, going to retrieve more tissues before handing them to him. "I don't like this," he hissed out loud as he continued to write. "I didn't care before, and now I do. I never wanted to be anything other than a sociopath, there were all these things that were never a burden until now. But Liv's life is ruined, Luke is dead, Jo is gonna hate me more now, and I don't want that." He paused. "I think I'll write her a letter, too." He finished up whatever he was doing on his current paper, then switched to writing on another one.

"You know," he said, holding out his arm to her. "You should get a Locator Spell started so we can know where Jo is. I want to give her this letter in person. Uh... please."

Amelia was taken out of the loop by him saying please, but just nodded. She didn't give a damn about letters or Jo or Liv, but she cared about Kai, and wouldn't leave him hanging.

"Bad news," she said, once she saw him folding up both letters. "I can't find her."

"Not surprised," he said, though he looked distraught. "Under normal circumstances, I'd be superjazzed to gouge out her belly button, so I guess since she doesn't know I'm all... ew, nice now... whatever, do you have a place I can burn this thing without setting this whole building on fire?"

When had Kai Parker ever cared if he accidentally became an arsonist? These past twenty-four hours had been full of surprises.

"This isn't helping me," said Kai numbly once they lit the letter on fire and let it burn in the dry bathtub. "I still feel everything. I want to give Jo her letter. I want her to know that I feel like shit for destroying our family."

"Oh my god, you didn't destroy the family," said Amelia a bit irritably. "They abused you your entire life, you did what you had to do to get what you deserved out of life. You're the leader of the Gemini Coven now, you won. That shouldn't make you sad. But," she added, since she could see he was genuinely distressed, "we can drive to Whitmore right now if you really want to go, so we can see if Jo's working and otherwise, leave the letter for her with someone she trusts, like her secretary or whatever. She won't refuse to read it if she thinks it's from someone else."