Locatlie: The End. (Book 7)

Chapter 49

The adrenaline and goodfeel-rush as I called it, crashed the moment I laid my head on the pillow. The ecstasy I got from torturing those fucks had masked the immense trauma that it caused me to see them. The amount of sex I had had with Trevor, only masked the pain I was feeling in my body. And once I couldn't torture them anymore, and not wanting to fuck Trevor to his possible death, all the emotions and all the pain came back ten times harder.

This outed itself in uncontrollable sobbing for hours. Trevor laid by my side, rubbing my waist and just softly speaking in my ear that I was safe and that everything was going to be ok. Even though he kept repeating that over and over again, it didn't work and that frustrated Trevor. He thought the solution might be calling up Hugo and William, but that only made things worse.

I didn't want my husbands to see me the way I was right now; weak and over-emotional. It was fucking heartbreaking to see the despair and the pain in their eyes, and if I stopped crying and if I was 'happy' again, that would disappear. But that was easier said than done, my whole body felt sore and I felt like utter and complete shit.

"Do you want some sleep drought love?" William asked carefully when we went into hour ten of uncontrollable crying. I didn't make any more noise, and my throat hurt like shit, but the pain in my body didn't stop. I shook my head as I put my head down and covered my head. "You don't have to hide from us, you know that right?" William said carefully as he put his hand on my covered arms and he rubbed it carefully. "We love you and we can understand that your mind is not-." He took a deep breath. "We can understand if you're immensely traumatised and that-."

"Don't send me back to Brusta." I stammered, the noise barely getting out. "I don't want to leave again. Please." I begged through my sobs and Hugo let out a deep breath.

"You're not going anywhere you don't want to, and you don't have to do anything you don't want to." Hugo said calmly. "You can do whatever you want for the rest of your life. We aren't stopping you. If you don't ever want to go to Brusta, you won't ever need to." He said calmly, his hand on my leg. Trevor's hand was still on my waist. I closed my eyes at his comment, but the moment I did, I saw Jude and I put my hand over my face as I tried to scream it out.

"Get out get out." I muttered. "I can't help you." I whispered to myself, but apparently, I was screaming it.

"It's ok Jules. It's ok. You can't do anything about it. It's fine." Trevor said holding onto me tightly and I tried to fight him a bit but he held onto me. "It's fine. She's in a better place now. She's in a better place now. She's with Lea and with Oliver and with mum, and your parents and sisters. There wasn't a place in this world for her, and you can't save her." He said and that calmed me a bit more as I opened my eyes, looking at the bottom half of my covers. "You're safe now. You will never have to go through that again." It was then I realised that Trevor was the only one that knew what had happened to Jude.

"Trev?" I stammered as I raised my covers a bit and I grabbed Will's hand whom accepted it gladly.

"Yeah babe?"

"Tell them please." I whispered softly as I held out my other hand. "Hu" I whispered and I heard him moving and he grabbed my other hand and he gave it a kiss.

"Are you sure?" Trevor said.

"Please tell them. I can't." I said as I closed my eyes as they hurt from the excessive crying, but this pain that was by my eyes right now, was something I was used to. I had felt this pain for months in Russia.

"You don't have to-." Hugo said but I squeezed his hand and he let out a deep breath. "Ok." He said and I closed my eyes and held onto Will and Hugo's hand tighter as Trevor told what had happened to Jude.