Not To Blame - Felix

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•Pairings ; Felix x gn!reader•Genre ; Angst & little fluff•Warnings ; none

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•Pairings ; Felix x gn!reader
•Genre ; Angst & little fluff
•Warnings ; none

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Though Felix and you had never fully spoken on the reasons for your breakup, the reasons were apparent. Even the other guys could tell there was tension. Felix stopped sneaking out at late hours from the dorms, Chan and Changbin could no longer hear the excited pitter patter of his shoes walking down the stairs to go see you. His phone never blew up with texts anymore in the middle of practice, that when he opened them; made him laugh and smile like never before.  You had explained to Felix weeks before your breakup how you were feeling.

The classic "it's not you, it's me" unfortunately didn't work, even though you were being honest. You had risked so much for him. Your parents wanted you to study more and focus on school, not be caught up with some idol boy. Chan and you had grown close over the year of yours and Felix's relationship, and even he had worries for you two. Felix ran into trouble with management, and sometimes it would fall back on you.

On the occasion he'd come visit late at night, and only come to tell you that something came up with work, and then he'd leave and wouldn't talk to you for days on end. No explanation. So you broke it off, explaining to the other boys why you never came over to play board games anymore was heartbreaking. You had to admit, you missed them. But you did it because it was hurting you to stay. The constant fear of not being able to treat Felix with respect anymore ate you up. So you did something about it.

Felix surprisingly had no reaction when you broke up with him. He was straight faced and respected yoyr decision, no fight at all. As if nothing was ever even there.

--

Around 3 months after the breakup, you'd gotten the text message you'd hope to never see. "I miss you". From the boy you didn't want to see again. Not because he was bad, but because he was bad for you. The text sat in your unread messages for a week, until another one popped up. "We really need to talk". You stared. And promised yourself you wouldn't reply. Until it got late, and you were still studying, something about math that didn't seem interesting anymore. Picking up the phone and replying "I hope what we had then was worth it. But please don't text me anymore".

Felix sat at home waiting for that text back, he didn't know what to expect but it certainly wasn't that. Had he really meant nothing? What did he do wrong? He didn't cry when he read it. Instead he looked back fondly on the days when you were together. Hoping that it would help him get over you.

---
[4:32 AM]

The rain was pouring and I could barely see a thing but then running so far ahead of me. Their laughs echoed through the alley, I traiked behind slowly because I was too in awe. If the staff finds out I'm with them, I'm dead. But it would all be worth it. I wouldn't change these moments for the world.

[11:52 PM]

The movie was long forgotten as our conversation continued. "All I'm saying, is that SpongeBob was definitely a government experiment by the US. How else would fire be available under water?". Their eyes glistened with truth, and I couldn't even respond. Sometimes they have a point, right now might not be one of those moments, but they're still cute as hell explaining whatever they're saying.

[6:34 PM]

I never thought I'd have to hear these words spoken. "I just don't think I can do this anymore Felix.". I was zoned out wondering what I did, why they were leaving. I couldn't fight back and beg them to stay becaue I wasn't even fully there. "I respect that Y/N. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.". Was all I could speak.

---

The text notification pinged once again on your phone. "I guess that's it, ay?"
You didn't have the courage to respond, because deep down you'd go back. In a heartbeat you'd hug him like it was your last day on earth, do anything to hear him talk about his deepest interests and secrets. But you knew it wasn't going to work.

---

I waited at my phone for their response, only to have my next message "I don't blame you for what happened." Have a not delivered at the bottom.

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