dead to me| 2- s. r

THIRTY

It almost feels like your life has come full circle.

Now, standing outside the conference room of the BAU, smoothing down the fabric of your suit, you feel the same nerves you did on your very first day. After all, it's been four years since you've been in this situation, and you never exactly expected yourself to come back to this job, especially after everything that happened with Spencer and Nathanial. After the brief conversation with Hotch, you'd considered it in the back of your mind, but never truly thought you'd act on it.

That was until you were sitting across from the Dean discussing your absence and when you were planning on returning. She'd tried to be sympathetic with your situation, but couldn't exactly relate to it, so you could tell she was getting annoyed with you constantly leaving to help the BAU. During the meeting, you were supposed to assure her that everything was back to normal now and you wanted to return to work and have things the way they were before.

However, at that moment, it was like something had snapped inside you, and just like that, you had quit your job and walked right out of that office with your head held high.

The minute you got to the car, you'd immediately started to freak out, the initial panic of not having a job starting to kick in as you contemplate going back in and begging for your job back. Unfortunately, your pride wouldn't allow you to do that, so before you could even realize it, you were calling Hotch. From there, you'd somehow ended up taking a few profiling courses to brush up and re-taking your gun qualification, and were now back, feeling like you were exactly where you were supposed to be.

Technically you'd been lying to Spencer about where you were going, wanting to surprise him with your return. You'd only told Hotch about it, and he'd assume that you would have told JJ, her being your best friend, so he'd accidentally let it slip up to her. JJ had almost spilt the beans to Spencer and you were essentially shitting your pants, not wanting to ruin the surprise.

You wanted to see the look on Spencer's face when you walked into the conference room, essentially recreating your very first day at the BAU, before all the trauma and stress that came with it. You aren't coming back solely for Spencer either, sure, it was less awkward now that you were both back together. However, Hotch's conversation doubled with the thrill of working a case again made you realize how much you truly missed it.

You don't regret taking the four years off, though. Some might say it was a waste of time when you could have been making more money instead, but you truly think it was what was best for you at the time. You'd been trying to get over Spencer, and being around him every day wouldn't have been good for either of you. Perhaps it was all for nothing because, in the end, you somehow ended up with Spencer again anyway.

Now, you stand outside of the conference room waiting for Hotch to start speaking, anticipating the look on everyone's faces when they find out you're coming back. You smooth down the tan corduroy pants you're wearing, and adjust the neckline of your turtle neck, smoothing down your black jacket and fixing the gun on your hip, a smile resting on your lips.

Out of nervousness, your hand flies to the necklace on your neck, fiddling with both of them as you rock back and forth on your heels. You can hear the muffled sounds of everyone in the room waiting to see what Hotch had requested them all to gather for. JJ is the only one who knows, so everyone else is surely clueless about it, probably assuming it's a case or something.

It was hard for you to avoid Spencer this morning, convincing him that you had a morning meeting at work and kicking him out of your apartment rather quickly, leaving you to get ready and make sure you get to the BAU after him.

You grin when you see Hotch approaching the conference room, a subtle smile on his face, meaning he must be really happy to have you back. "Are you ready?" He asks. You take a deep breath and nod, "Yeah, I think I am. It's really good to be back."