Can't get you out of my Head

Ch.12 How Absurd

I wasn't one to be dependent on my parents. Technically speaking I do depend on them, only for the necessities but everything else I do on my own. Not because they won't help me. It's because I can do it myself. So why would I ask someone else for help?  

That seems dumb.

But I guess I didn't understand the concept of it. That's why I wasn't sure what to do when the time called for it. To be honest I was a bit lost.

How do I ask for help?

How does everyone else do it? I never felt the need to and mostly everything came easily to me. So now that I need said help. How do I ask? Is there some sort of trick? Maybe I had to just blurt every thought I have out and hope for the best?

I believe I should state the problem first.

I'm incredibly alone, and depressed? I wasn't too sure on the second part, but I was facing this tiresome problem.

My family has always been me, my mom, my dad, my clan and my two uncles. That's a lot of people to keep up with. My mom and dad are not together anymore because dad cheated.

I'm not really mad at him though.

They haven't signed divorce papers yet. That's because dad was waiting on what mom wants to do. Now he lives with his boyfriend, who's also the Hokage and they're quite happy. He's really nice and he really loves my dad. I get along with him well, albeit it's a bit awkward sometimes but he's a really fun and good person. There were external problems and each had their own issues but it's all been surprisingly okay.

I don't hate him for his affair. I feel like maybe I should, but I can't bring myself to do so. Mom was finally free and she could now live her life without having to live in a home where her husband isn't in love with her. 

But -I've been saying that a lot- There's this weird feeling that makes me scared or empty?

I've never really felt like this before. Things just feel so complicated. Why? Things are going smoothly and everyone's happy. It isn't like dad doesn't spend time with me. I just feel weirdly alone. 

I don't understand.

That's my problem. I think it might be a form of depression but I'm not sure.

And something about not knowing how I feel is irking me. 

So I'm confused, how do I ask for help?

—————— 

During school, Shikadai never really paid attention. The bare minimum at most, nothing more or less. He would sleep through the rest or it.

Why bother staying awake when you already know these things?

He sat is the back laying his head in his arms staring outside the window. He would sleep but he just didn't fell like it at the moment. He just stared at the sky and it felt lonely.

Damn, it was starting to piss him off.

And maybe he would have a dramatic emotional outbreak like in those movies or books. He was to lazy to do so.