Can't get you out of my Head

Ch.15 Ruins

Everything is going well. Days have gone by and things were great. Naruto and Shikamaru were happy, they were able to spend time with their kids, and they had good schedules going for them. Everything was perfect.

Too perfect.

Shikamaru wasn't used to such things. Especially when these "things" pertained to Naruto nothing went perfectly. Sudden attacks, character development, death, and everything getting destroyed. It might seem like a cruel thing to say about your boyfriend, but it's true.

Good things never last.

That's how it has always been. They both knew it first hand. Nothing remains this way. Happy and peaceful, it was a matter of time before it all starts to crumble. The stress was eating Shikamaru alive. The abundance of papers at work, not knowing if their former wives will take away their children, and the uncertainty of their own relationship. It was eating away at him relentlessly.

What if Shikamaru somehow ruins everything? What if they were all right about him? The thought irked him.

His annoyance grew now more than ever. The slightest things would tick him off. Sound of wind, heavy breathing, the clanking of utensils against plates, the face Naruto made when he thought about reality. That realization that if things were more public there would be people that wouldn't take it nicely that the Hokage was cheating. They start to blame the blonde again and the Nine-Tails inside of him. The backtalk and whispers their families would hear.

Shikamaru and Naruto could hear it even now.

"How disgraceful, the Hokage cheating on his wife with another man no less."

"How can the head of the Nara clan do something so terrible?"

"We don't want a leader that can't be loyal to their own family."

The thought irritated Shikamaru too and every time he saw Naruto's face like that. It pissed him off, only reminding him of how he can never do enough to shut everyone up and protect the one he loves. It reminds him of how underwhelming he is, a nuisance, a heartless fool. Trying to do all these things for "Naruto's sake" but it's really him trying to delude himself, so he doesn't face his feelings.

Shikamaru Nara is in love with Naruto Uzumaki.

He really is, but he doesn't want to face a truth that tells him something else. He doesn't want to be empty. He doesn't want to ruin Naruto's life too.

With those thoughts running through his head, never letting Shikamaru be at peace, he went through his days. Trying to find a way to get his headache to disappear, the tea was working, barely. The stress was starting to build up. His days became a blur, even with family or Naruto. It was all a big blur. Shikamaru had to power through the days hoping that tomorrow would be better.

Slowly as his anger grew, his patience diminished and it started to show. The slightest things pissed him off even with Naruto. Shikamaru would snap randomly, giving Naruto an attitude. He knew it was wrong to get angry at him and the idea of hurting the blonde made him even madder at himself. Stress and anxiety stacked up so high you could mistake it for a skyscraper.

Each day Shikamaru feared that he would lose Naruto. He had already hurt him while having sex, he hurt him so bad. He was ashamed that he was the one to make Naruto look terrified like that. If he lost Naruto his life will be empty again. Stress and anger were making him blind, rendering him of common sense.

————

Sitting together on the couch, they had brought home a great amount of desk work that was leftover from the week. Scattered papers and folders, a couple of treaties and pens everywhere. Shikamaru was having a hard time focusing on words on the paper. His mind was hazy and he could barely comprehend what he was reading. Tracing over the sentences over and over again, hoping something would click.