One of the Guys

Chapter 30: Quarterfinals

Ashton's POV:
___________________________________________
"I have something to say and you're going to listen."

I press my shaking hands harder on the desk. They say that love is beautiful and amazing, but I think they forget to tell you how terrifying it is. That when you pour your heart out, you have this overwhelming fear of rejection.

Her eyes flash defiantly and she clenches her jaw. That hit a nerve. I know she doesn't like being told what to do, but I don't know how else I can get her to talk to me. She doesn't really want to do it willingly and she isn't going to seek me out when she's ready, she has too much pride.

"Please, you have to let me say this," I try again.

She lets out a big breath and nods for me to continue. I hop onto the desk and cross my legs. She raises her eyebrow and I see she's amused. That something, right?

"First and foremost, you are my best friend and nobody can ever replace you. You've been there for me when I needed you. You've seen me at my worst and best and you've stayed no matter what. I couldn't of asked for a greater person because their isn't. A lot has changed and I guess I'm to blame for that."

"You are not the only one to blame," she interrupts. "We both felt what we felt and we acted on it."

I can feel my stomach and I don't think that's normal. I nod slowly and shift so I'm facing her more. "That's true. What I'm trying to say is I don't regret it. I don't regret liking you and I don't regret kissing you. I've never had real feelings before you. Everything else was meaningless compared to you.

I wouldn't change anything that's happened. Not even the fight. I was stupid and assuming and I'm sorry for that. I saw you and him kissing and I was so sad and angry. I felt heartbroken and betrayed. But I should've talked to you instead of yelling at you. And I'm also sorry for what I called you. It isn't even close to the truth."

I stop talking and take a breath. She continues staring at me and I wring my hands in my lap. After a few minutes I'm having a heart attack and I'm debating on fleeing the room. I try to say something more, but the words will not come out of my mouth.

She stands up and starts pacing the room and I'm pretty sure I'm going to faint. She's probably thinking of a way to tell me to go screw myself. I wouldn't blame her, but I'd appreciate it if she'd say something. Anything at this point.

She finally faces me and clears her throat. "If you want to know the truth, I didn't ever think I was going to be able to forgive you. For as much as I broke your heart, you broke mine. When you called me a slut I heard my world shatter. I could handle that from anyone else, but not from you.

I don't even know why I'm forgiving you. I don't think I could give you a reason. I just find that I can forgive you. I can't promise you that's it's going to be the same between us. I want it to, but I don't know how."

I scramble off the desk and engulf her in a huge hug. I don't care if we'll never be the same as long as we're still friends. I'd rather have her, even if it's not the same, than not have her at all.

"What about us?" I ask.

"That's what got us into this mess in the first place though," she counters.

"True, but-"

"And are we willing to face that possibility again?" She interrupts.

"Well I-"

"What if it doesn't work out and we can't even be friends?" She interrupts again. "I don't want to lose my best friend."

"Shut up dammit. I love you," I rush out before she has time to interrupt me again.