Guns and Roses

X L V I I

Jia's POV.

"Jaehyun!! wait! yah!" I ran down the stairs as he immediately stood up and attempted to leave at the mere sight of my reflection through the television in front of him.

"Damn" I overheard him cursing under his breath before actually turning around to look at me in annoyance. He knows very well what I want, and he doesn't want that. "If you're going to ask me things too, then don't even try. I won't answer you" he said with an awfully straight face. damn this motherfvcking stone hearted bastard.

I already asked almost half of them but no one has given me the information I wanted. I have so many questions to ponder and I'm going crazy thinking of possible answers all by myself.

What really happened to me?
what caused my amnesia?
who am I!? what am I before??

why am I living in a grand mansion along with 9 men!? wtf?

where's my family?? and to top all of that...

What on earth is this rose tattooed on me?

"look, I know out of all of them you're the one who will be able to answer my questions aside from Taeyong. Please Jaehyun..." I am begging, I hate it here. "I-I just want to know the truth" he remained standing, looking down at me like he doesn't have any plan on answering my upcoming questions. His posture screams I should just give up on asking him.

I have seen enough, I just want it to hear directly from them. I want to hear the confirmation coming from their mouths. I feel like an underground spy investigating each of them. I've been dreaming lots of things that I suppose is connected to my lost memories.

I've been seeing lots of things and it's starting to make sense, thus I'm concluding things now.

Haechan, and a bomb... I kept on seeing that scene but everything is blurry as fvck. It continued when I tried conversing with him. I felt a strange comfort towards him... like that of a younger brother so I tried so hard to get used to him and somehow lessen the possibility of me having an episode of headache when he's around.

I wanted to ask him about the same queries I've been carrying... but his refusal remained constant.

"Jaehyun... what are you?" I asked. His adam's apple went down, signage that he gulped hard. I caught him off guard. I knew it. I stared at him, determined to hear an answer.

"damn, Taeyong will definitely kill me for this" he breathed. I saw a glimpse of hope as my anticipation rate went crazily high, as well as my heart beating so fast for some reasons.

"I know it. I know what you're going to say" I assured, he narrowed his eyes on me. Jaehyun is smart, I can feel it. With his observant stare I know he's trying to read me, right here right now.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked looking annoyed. "why are you even bothering me?" he's full of sarcasm.

"can't you just---" I was shocked when he took a step forward and attempted to attack me, but I was even more surprised by how fast my body reacted. I pulled his arm with all my might and kicked the back of his shin that caused him to fell on his knees and be under my control. I held his arm on his back forbidding him from moving freely.

"n-no way..." I reacted in disbelief. I stepped back in fear as I look down on my hands that begun to tremble. He stood up and regained his posture almost immediately before he talked.

"whatever that's on your mind, it's right. You are with us because we were the same" I couldn't speak, my tongue got tied and my words got trapped. He's confirming my conclusion in the most indirect way possible. "Please, refrain from asking things in detail. Taeyong wants you to forget those things and it's all for your own safety. I know this is late..." he's staring straight into my eyes. Goddamnit. He's been watching me all this time.

"stop what you're doing. Stop trying to recover your memories" he said before turning his back on me.

I was left staring at his back as he walk away. My gaze fell down on my hand. I am extremely frustrated. I want to cry. I am being clouded by tangled thoughts. I am mad at them, I am mad at everyone here for not telling me what I have all the right to know.

They're here, everyone's treating me awfully nice... but I feel so alone.

"what's the matter?" I was pulled out of my thoughts when Jungwoo appeared out of nowhere and started peeking my face. "Did Jaehyun hyung said something rude to you??" he asked worriedly. "are you uh-- okay?" he asked. I looked up at him and my tears fell. He panicked.
"Y-yah-- Jaehyun hyung!! what the--- Yah look Jia m-mianhe e-eo? whatever he said don't mind him"

I shook my head and wiped my tears, trying to calm myself. I don't know why but I broke down when he asked me if I'm okay... coz obviously... I am not.

"Should I call Taeyong hyung---?"
he asked absentmindedly

"w-what no!" I stopped him. He was surprised by my sudden raise of voice.

"o-okay" he scratched his nape. I looked at him. Jungwoo was the very first one I saw when I opened my eyes. He was so kind that I thought he's someone blood related to me.
should I tell him what's on my mind? can I trust him? "uh... stop staring you're making me anxious" he said.

"Jungwoo"

"ne?"

"Are you guys a..." I left my word hanging. He suddenly became uneasy. Maybe Taeyong really did warned them about everything. "a mafia??"

"holy sht" he mumbled instead of answering me.

"Jungwoo please eo? tell me. I am--- I am seeing lots of things in my dreams, guns, bombs, knives, drugs, killing, everything is violence." he remained silent, carefully listening to me. "I saw myself shooting someone Jungwoo... I-It was Taeyong." I stuttered.

He gulped. "I-It was just a dream---"

"No! I-I don't think it's just that Jungwoo" he sighed. "I want to recover my memories not just for myself... but for Taeyong." his feature softened.

"He said it doesn't matter even if I can't remember everything including the feelings I used to have for him... h-he said he'll just make me fall in love again and now... I am" I held my chest for emphasis. "he said everything is fine as long as I'm with him but his eyes are telling me otherwise..." I almost whisper, as I recall the look on Taeyong's eyes.

"His captivating eyes whispers he's missing the old me. He's being selfless for making me just forget what I suppose are awful things and saving me from those pain while he's there... k-keeping everything to himself. I want to go back to what I used to be for him. I want the sadness on his eyes vanish... and I think that's an enough reason for me to claim back what I've lost"

"J-Jia..." his voice was low, emitting too much sympathy.

"okay, I-I won't ask you direct---"

"Yes we are. We all are. NCT 127 is a mafia gang" he said nonchalantly. I was taken aback by how blunt he suddenly became. "Is that enough? I heard you'll develop a trauma if you try to know things any further" the unity is with them, all of them wishes for me to just toss everything in the past and go forward. They're indeed one... all against my stubborn ass.

I shook my head. He rolled his eyes in frustration, he even made a face palm. "you woman---" he pointed my face "you never listen well aren't you??" he scolded.

I looked down and stared at the bracelet I am wearing, where a specific date is written... which again I have no idea what's all about. "he said I promised I'll marry him..." I said, almost a whisper... but is just enough for him to hear. "I can't marry him with such pathetic memory" I shook my head as I look at Jungwoo again.

I fell so fast and I am going down blazing. I don't want to see such sadness on Taeyong's eyes. I may be stubborn for this but I don't really care, my mind is currently fixed to knowing every single thing I forgot

And nothing could change my mind.
Not anyone... not even Taeyong.

꧁ 𝖌𝖚𝖓𝖘 // 𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖘 ꧂