Kismet - Oikawa Tooru x OC

Chapter 25: Cruel

Chapter 25:

Oikawa's body trembled with exhilaration and nervousness - never before had he been in love, and although he didn't have quite a grasp on what it fully meant, he knew that whatever he felt around Kaiya was as close as possible to it. His heart stirred with excitement, and he found himself rushing to her house, despite the fact that it was nearly midnight. It might seem ridiculous - after all, he had known her for nearly 3 years and in those years, he spent the majority of the time insulting, teasing, or blackmailing her. His affection towards her crept up on him unexpectedly. It blossomed from the day they were partnered up for their chemistry project, and it swiftly flourished as soon as he discovered comfort and feelings of fondness in talking and being around her.

Kaiya was thoughtful, witty, brilliant, and remarkably beautiful.

How could he have ignored his feelings for so long?

Oikawa didn't exactly know if he was running to her house to confess his sudden revelation or if he just wanted to see her. Maybe he should text Kaiya before abruptly knocking on her door. She might be asleep already. When he arrived, he was startled to find her sitting nimbly on the porch, in front of her front door. Her grey eyes seemed heavy, and her expression suggested that something was on her mind. Oikawa held his breath, feeling his nerves skyrocket at the mere sight of her.

He was hopeful, and it was absolutely terrifying.

"Miyazaki..." He managed to say breathlessly, causing her to look up in surprise.

Their eyes met yearningly, and he took a deep breath, preparing for what might be a very awkward conversation.

"Why are you still up?" Oikawa murmured, walking over to her, "Can't sleep?"

Kaiya's eyebrows knitted with frustration but she remained silent. This worried him, mostly because she didn't greet him with any sort of contempt. In fact, it seemed like she was... ignoring him.

"Miya-chan?" He tried to lighten the mood as he sat beside her, "What's the matter? Daydreaming about me?"

Idiot, he thought to himself, it was midnight.

"You knew..." Kaiya shut her eyes, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Knew what?" He blinked in confusion.

The mood shifted drastically, and Oikawa knew immediately that something was wrong. She moved farther away from him as she stared at the concrete floor. His heart dropped, wondering if he had messed up somehow. He didn't want her to hate him. That was the farthest thing from what he wanted.

"You knew all this time that Iwaizumi didn't have feelings for me." She explained softly.

Oikawa's mouth hung open slightly, realizing that he royally screwed up. He didn't know how she found out but it didn't matter because she knew. He lied to her, and now, his actions and behavior were coming back to haunt him.

"I..." He trailed off, clearing his throat, "Miya-chan... I'm..."

"You continued making fun of me, and blackmailing me for nearly 3 years, knowing that he didn't feel that way about me..." Kaiya continued, her voice shaking as she tried to keep herself calm.

"It... It's not like that..." Oikawa murmured worriedly, gently placing his hand on top of hers as an attempt to express his regret.

She pushed his hand away, and his stomach churned with guilt.

"You lied to me..." She continued, feeling her heart ache, "Why did you... Why would you..."

Kaiya couldn't formulate her words properly - she was angry at him, but more than anything, she was hurt. She thought that she and Oikawa had bonded somehow, and to find out something like this, even though it may seem inconsequential, it crushed her. She cared about him, more than she'd like to admit.

"It wasn't my intention to..." Oikawa bit his lip, "Just... I..."

"Did you get some sick, twisted pleasure from seeing me chase after Iwaizumi?" Kaiya asked, tilting her head up to meet his concerned gaze, "Was it for revenge? Did you want to toy with me?"

"What..." Oikawa shook his head in disbelief, "No, of course not! Miya-chan-"

"So, why did you keep up the act?" She interrupted as she glared at him, "Why did you keep telling me that I had a chance?"

He shut his mouth, and he wanted to explain the reasons behind his actions but seeing her so furious at him rendered him speechless. They had always expressed their "hatred" for each other in the past, but this time, it was different because it was as if she really did hate him. Oikawa didn't know if he could take it, knowing that she might actually despise him. She stood up abruptly, startling him. Her fists were clenched as if she was trying her best not to crumble.

"Wait..." He stood up as he reached out for her arm.

"Don't... Oikawa..." She muttered, "Just don't."

"But-"

"You almost got me..." Kaiya laughed dryly, " I really thought that we were becoming friends..."

"We are friends," He insisted, "Just let me explain-"

"You don't need to," She stated bitterly, "I know what kind of person you are. You lie and manipulate people... You..."

Kaiya blinked as hot tears threatened to spill from her eyes, "You're selfish, and-and you don't care about anyone but yourself."

Oikawa froze from a mixture of shock and turmoil as Kaiya's poisonous words stung and echoed in his mind. He wanted to disagree with her, but part of him knew that his behavior and actions before they became friends were abhorrent.

"You don't care about anyone else but yourself." She repeated meekly.

"I do care." He murmured softly, gazing at her heated face.

Kaiya shook her head in doubt.

"I care about..." Oikawa trailed off, unable to reveal how he felt about her. It wasn't the right moment.

There may never be a "right" moment.

He felt weak and undeserving of Kaiya.

"Let's go back to how things were before we were..." She actively stopped herself from saying the word friend, "It was a lot easier to hate you, and it was less complicated then..."

"I don't want that." He exclaimed with conviction.

Oikawa inched closer and pulled her into a sudden hug. Kaiya nearly erupted in tears at his warm touch but she remained strong. She refused to crumble under his touch. For all she knew, he could be manipulating her at that very moment. It was difficult to trust him, even though she wanted to.

"I don't want to go back to how things were before." Oikawa murmured faintly, wrapping his arms around her waist desperately.

"Stop, Oikawa..." Kaiya tried to push him away but he was determined not to let her go, "I hate you... I really hate you..."

"You don't mean that..." He whispered as his body trembled in remorse, "Miyazaki..."

"I do... I do mean it..." She pulled away from him, and as soon as he let go, he felt like his heart was shattering into a million pieces.

"Miyazaki..."

Kaiya made her way to the front door and she stopped for a few seconds, as if wanting to say something, but instead, she entered her house, slamming the door behind her without another word. Oikawa stood there in anguish, and he didn't know what to do. He knew he had to apologize but it seemed like she didn't want to listen to him anyway. He stumbled forward, as if in a nightmare that he couldn't escape, and began to walk away from her house.

Out of all things in the world, he didn't want to lose Kaiya.

And yet, she was slipping away from him, before he could even have the chance to admit his true feelings to her.

The universe was cruel.

Or maybe, he was the cruel one.

Especially to her.