Burning desire

Mackenzie|03

I am not okay. I want to cry until my tears stop falling, I want to throw my water bottle at his head while I run up stage to kiss those lips I love so much and I want to run away, back to the parking lot, but I can't, obviously, or he would see the effect he has on me and this is a game I can't lose.

By the calculus I just did silently in my head, there are 30 minutes left. In 30 minutes I can go back to my apartment and cry myself to sleep holding his old iron man t-shirt that has already lost his scent over the years. In 30 minutes I can finally go back to my life pretending he doesn't exist. In 30 minutes I can get the air he stole with just a look back in my lungs.

Jordan is already drunk, so is Lisa, so I guess I'll be nanny Mack for the night. Gosh, why did I ever agree to this? I was fine, I had moved on, I'd forgotten him. But having him in nyc? My town, where I ran to after all? That was slow death for me, that bringed back memories of us I had already tucked down.

"The devils of the night" finally play the last acords of their newest single and say their good night and thanks for the public presence. Not once does Steven look my way. Actually, not once did he look my way after noticing me in the crowd during love song. Coward.

"Let's leave, the parking lot will get full with all this people leaving at the same time and I'm tired," I say annoyed to Jordan and Lisa, who looks knowingly at my way, "as you wish ma'am, you are, after all, the driver of the night. Come on Jordan, I know you didn't get Luke's phone, but at least you saw him live, right?" Jordan looks absently around before nodding,"sure, let's go, M."

I could find a way to get Luke's phone through Dane, but no, I just am not in the mood to talking with those guys, thank you.

Holding my two friends by the arm, I push through the crowd of people in the exit way of the arena, finding my way to the parking lot when I feel a hand on my left arm. I turn around ready to throw a punch on the guys mouth when I see it's one of the security, with a strange look on his face.

Oh god, what have I done? Will I be arrested? My paranoia is definitely kicking in. But before I can say anything the guy speak in a loud hush, "the band has requested your presence backstage, I will accompany you." I am paralyzed, this can't be happening.

"I'm sorry, I can't leave my friends," I protest
"They've been invited too, come on," he says in a gruff way. He's rude, no need for that.

Jordan's eyes are like a child's during Christmas morning "oh my god. Oh my god. OH.MY.GOD. We are meeting the band oh my god."

No kidding, Jordan, and all I want to do is throw myself in front of a bus. Lisa's eyes catches mine during our walk backstage, there's simpathy and melancholy in them,
"Are you okay?" she mouths, to which a respond to "fine."

It's a long way until we finally reach the backstage, and I feel myself drowning inside with every step we take. The corridor we end up in is filled with security guards and photographers. "Look, I'm really tired and not really interested in meeting them, so go ahead and meet me at the Parking lot, k?"

Lisa's response is understanding as she grabs Jordan's arms so she can go ahead and stop pouting at me. And I'm convinced I can run away from this when a familiar voice wraps around my head, "Running away, aren't you?"

My entire body freezes, the air escaping my lungs and I can't help the quiet gasp that leaves my lips. After two years, he's here. And I don't like the way my heart skips a beat at that.