"When she stood, she stood with a desolate knowingness
Waded out into the dark, wild ocean up to her neck Bathed on her brokenness"
My hands grip on the steering wheel tightly. The parking lot is empty except for the long line of cars surrounding me. I take a deep breath and exhale, trying to hold back the stubborn tears that insist on falling. My palms are sweating and my legs as well under the leather pants I choose to wear today.
I don't know what to do, fear crawls down my throat and I let go my muffled sobs loudly in the empty car.
"Stupid, stupid, girl," I scream in between sobs while hitting the steering wheel. How could I've been so dumb? How could I assume that maybe it would be different with me? That maybe this time I would get the boy, I would be happy and maybe I would live my fairytale. Stupid.
My phone starts ringing inside the silent car, and I quickly hold back my tears before answering my friend. "Hey Mack, where are you? The concert is about to start, and we managed to get in the front roll, come fast!!" Lisa's cheerful voice ring in my ears.
"I'm coming. Had to stop by the bathroom. It was hard to find a place to park, you know?" I murmur, trying to contain my shaky voice.
"Ookayy, but come fast, love you," she answers, sounding anxious
"Love you too," I manage to say holding back my sobs.
What am I supposed to do? Get in this arena, broken hearted and look at the face of the boy who claimed to love me and broke me? And what should I do? Act like I'm ok?
Well, I'm not. But, apparently, I'll have to act like so, and just enjoy the night and try to forget that the boy on the stage was once the love of my life, I owe myself some respect.
I look up to rear review mirror and try to fix my beautiful, now ruined, makeup. All set, ready to go and I just have to pray I won't have a breakdown in the middle of all those people.
I take a deep breath and open the door.
The chill November air hit my face right after I leave the car, my black high heels echoing on the cobblestones as I walk down the full arena. It's full of people, like genuinely loaded. And I can't help but feel proud of everything he's accomplished, it was his dream after all, and every time I hear them screaming his name on tv or on the radio, or on the panels in Times Square, my heart flutters a little. Yeah, he broke my heart and made me miserable, but I am happy for him, I just can't help it.
I push through the crowd of people trying to get to Lisa and Jordan when everything goes dark and silent, his voice comes in echoes around the large room.
"How is everybody doing tonight?" Then his electric guitar starts playing, there are fireworks, lights and smoke everywhere. The crowd goes wild when we can finally see him.
I lose my balance. In that moment, I can't feel the ground beneath me, I can't hear the sounds around or even notice the sea of people pushing to try and get a better look at the lead singer. I can't, because how could I? How could I when he once meant everything to me?
Same dark brown hair, just now cut at the trim, same dark eyes that used to pierce through mine across any room, the boyish grin is still there, his cunning personality is visible even from the crowd. But his arms are stronger, his abs must be like that too, I can't help but wonder how it would be like sleeping in his broad chest with his arms, now full of muscles, around me again. I fiercely blush at the image. Yep, I can see he still gives me the damn butterflies.
I silently scowl at myself while I continue my way through the push and pull of excited people. After a few minutes I'm finally able to see my friends. Right bellow the stage. I am fucked. He can see me here.
Keeping my eyes down, I make my way to Jordan and Lisa, praying so no one up stage can catch my eye.
"Heyyy friend, finally, you missed hottie Steven coming in, gosh he really is a god, isn't he?" Screams Jordan at my ears, I can see they already drank enough alcohol, and since I'm the driver of the night I have to go through this nightmare sober. I absently nod to Jordan as an answer and remain with my head down.
I hadn't heard about him in a year, except for the ocasional gossip on blogs, when Jordan showed up with three tickets for his concert. "It's going to be a fun girl's night out, and you will love this band, they are all rock gods and hot as hell baby," in that moment it all came back to me, flashes of us, our moments, everything we went through, together, until that night two years ago.
Little did Jordan know how well I knew the lead singer- and his friends. Lisa was my oldest friend, and consequently the only one who knew about our earth shattering romance, I'm thankful for her not having told Jordan (who happened to be our roommate after we moved to a new apartment do college).
Needless to say, the three of us remained inseparable since. I just don't feel like sharing my past with Jordan yet, or with anyone for that matter.
I drift back to reality when his husky voice starts talking with the crowd. Oh that voice. "Get a grip, mack," I angrily mumble to myself. I thought he had already stopped affecting me. Clearly he hasn't.
"So, I would like to dedicate this song to The girl who inspired it, she was fierce and strong, unlike any other person I met, she was otherworldly if I am being honest. And my muse, since the start of it all. Sorry for hurting you, Cheesie." The first accords of "love song" start playing in his guitar and my heart stops.
The air leaves my lungs at that exact moment, and I just can't control myself. I look up at the stage, his focused eyes remain on the guitar in his hands, but just like it always has been, like a magnet between us, his dark eyes finally find mine. I can see him suck in a breath, surprised, and I feel like I might faint. M
YOU ARE READING
Burning desire
RomanceMackenzie never thought she would see the face of the boy who broke her heart two years ago again, but when he's a rockstar it's hard to forget about it. One concert is all Mack and Steven need so their paths can cross again. The thing is, could th...
