At The Edge Of The Ocean

32. I'm Sorry

"It's a beautiful piece of land," admitted Carolyn, bringing the neck of her jacket further upwards to protect herself from the strong wind raging at the edge of the cliff. "I can see why you're adamant to stay here. Although, I'd still prefer you living in a house that couldn't be stolen with you sleeping inside."

"It's completely safe here, Ma," sighed Derek. "Besides, I wanted to build a house here..."

"You wanted? What do you want now, Derek?" she asked firmly.

He looked at her uneasily. It was the first time they talked eye to eye since Carolyn's arrival two days ago. He wished had had a chance to speak with her sooner. After the dinner she had the previous night with Meredith and Cristina, she was looking at him with an unpleasant mixture of dissatisfaction and disappointment, probably a deep worry too.

"Now as we can finally talk without interruptions," started Carolyn seriously, "care to explain me what happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" he asked hiding his hands inside the pockets of his sweater.

"I mean what happened with my kind loving son to treat a woman, not any woman I should add, but the woman you love, the woman who is the mother of your child, to treat her the way you did?"

"You've been talking to Meredith a lot?" he was still impressed how easily Meredith and his mother found a common language.

"I have but she hasn't said a bad word about you yet," stated Carolyn starting to walk to the trailer. "Fortunately, her friend Cristina was more open."

"Of course, Yang," groaned Derek under his breath. "What did she tell you?"

"Oh, she told me enough," she replied harshly. "And I couldn't believe at first but one look at Meredith's face was enough to confirm."

"I'm not denying anything," he confessed. "I know how I behaved, you have every reason to be ashamed of me. You don't know how much I regret it."

"You're right, I don't know. I would if you apologized to Meredith."

Derek let out a heavy sigh but didn't answer as they reached the trailer and he opened the door to let his mother in.

"Son, I get that you feel hurt and angry," she said softly. "Meredith didn't tell you she was carrying your child, she practically hid Bessie from you. It's horrible, I know. But she didn't do it to hurt you."

"Why did she do it, Ma?" he asked sagging on the bed.

"Why don't you ask her?" she supplied. "You two are long overdue for an honest conversation."

"I... I don't know what to tell her," he rubbed his temples tiredly.

"She's not a monster, sweetie. She's an amazing strong woman but she's very lost too. And it seems to me you did little to help her."

Derek swallowed hardly and nodded.

"She was absolutely terrified at the prospect of meeting me," said Carolyn sitting beside Derek and rubbing his back slowly. "I overheard her conversation with Dr. Yang on my first day here. I've never heard anyone speaking in such a derogatory way about themselves. Slutty intern, a woman who wrecked your marriage... I think you had your input in what she thinks about herself."

"God, I know that, Mom," he brought his face to his hands. "And I hate myself for that."

"I don't want you to hate yourself, it's not about that," she explained patiently. "It's about turning to Meredith and making things right."

"I... I want to make things right," he breathed out. "You don't know how much I wish that. I... I love her, Ma."

"I know," she whispered patting his shoulder. "I bet she doesn't."