At The Edge Of The Ocean

3. Judgment Day

It was nearly midnight and Cristina's apartment was covered in darkness. Heavy raindrops were battling against the windowpanes.

"Now, I'm absolutely sure I'm in Seattle," whispered Meredith."Nowhere rains like here, and I have seen a bit of the world lately."

She and Cristina were half lying on the couch in the living room, each holding a mug of tea. For the past few hours, they had been getting updates on each other, but the things they discussed concerned mainly their professional life, the ups and downs of their careers, the good surgeries and the bad ones. Now, the time came for a more serious conversation.

"Bessie has grown up so much," remarked Cristina. "It's unbelievable."

"Yeah, the last time you saw her was when she was two-months old. And children grow up so fast. Sometimes, I think that too fast," sighed Meredith.

"Mer, how did you manage to do that? I've been wondering since you two arrived. Seriously, how did you do that? You left, you got your place in the program, you worked your ass off to stay in it, you gave birth to a child and you managed to keep the balance. I mean, look at Bessie, she doesn't look-" Cristina stopped abruptly.

"Doesn't look what? Damaged? Dark and twisty?" chuckled Meredith. "Neglected? God, I really hope she doesn't."

"Mer, seriously!"

"She's my balance, I guess," she replied softly. "It's amazing how such a tiny little person can change your whole life. It was amazing how she changed my life, just by appearing in it. All I have done since I knew I was pregnant I did for her. And I wanted her to be proud of me someday. I didn't want her to be a daughter of the slutty intern."

Cristina burst out laughing.

"Shhh, you're gonna wake her up," Meredith continued. "And how I did manage to take care of Bessie and learn to be a surgeon? I don't know exactly, I was kinda living from day to day. But I did have a clear-cut set of things not to do. For this, I'm really grateful to my mother."

Cristina stifled the laughter escaping from her lips. "I'm glad that the dark and twisty Meredith is still there."

"And you?" asked Mer.

"Me what?"

"How have you been? And I'm not asking the surgeon Cristina, I'm asking the person Cristina."

"Have you seen someone since-"

"Why do I have the feeling that this conversation's going in the Burke direction? We haven't discussed McDreamy, so we're not going to discuss Burke."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"I think we should call it a night before we get stuck in the awkward silence full of unspoken heartache."

"Yeah," sighed Cristina. "You have your judgment day tomorrow, right? And I have my fun day."

Next morning, Meredith tiptoed to Cristina's bed where Bessie was sleeping peacefully. She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over her daughter. She's so beautiful, my little angel. She was tiny. She took that after her mother. It might also be due to the fact that Bessie had decided to arrive to this world a few weeks earlier than it was expected. Meredith reached out her hand to stroke Bessie's head through the cascade of dark blond locks. These same from her father, "the perfect "McHair", as Meredith liked to say.

"Sweetie, wake up," she whispered.

Bessie yawned and opened her eyes groggily. They were large and blue, another trace of her father's.

"Honey, mummy has to go to work now. Auntie Cristina and me are going to work," she said as she pushed a stray lock of hair from Bessie's face. "You're going to stay with Jessie, ok? She's a very nice girl. She's going to give you breakfast and play with you while I'm gone. And I'll be back for lunch to check up on you, ok?"

"Ok."

"Ok," said Meredith and brought a rain of kisses on her daughter's cheeks, nose, eyelids, wherever she could reach, while Bessie giggled loudly.

"Now, my angel's going to get back to sleep," Mer whispered tenderly and tucked the blanket around the little girl. "Have a good day sweetie."

She forced herself to leave the room and gave some last-minute instructions to the babysitter. She hated leaving her daughter with people she knew little about, but sometimes it was inevitable.

She left arm in arm with Cristina. To get to the hospital from the apartment, they just have to cross the street, but to Meredith, it dragged into eternity. She felt as if her legs were made of lead. It was the moment she had been dreading, the moment to enter the hospital, take the elevator and get to the surgical floor. And she had her reasons to dread this moment. One them was of course Derek Shepherd whose memory stubbornly refused to leave her heart and mind alone. The other was Lexie Grey, her half sister who, as Cristina explained her, joined the ranks of Seattle Grace "dumb interns" the next after she left. And then there were the staff, the doctors, the surgeons, the nurses and everyone else for whom she would be a good piece of healthy gossip. Speaking of which-

At the entrance to the hospital, they ran into the first familiar face. George's syph nurse, groaned inwardly Meredith.

"Good morning, Dr. Yang... Dr. Grey?" she asked with astonishment as she recognized Meredith and gave her a long stare.

"You seem to be enjoying this," said Meredith slightly irritated as she noticed Cristina's smirking. "You're my person; you should show me some support here."

"I'd enjoy myself even more if you went to Shepherd and told him all of your secrets. What he heard would give him a heart attack, and then I would have a cardio case and save the life of your daughter's father. That'd be me showing support for you."

"Shut up!" hissed Meredith looking around nervously. "The walls have ears! I gotta go now; we have a meeting with Warren in the lobby before the start of the shift." She turned to go.

"Meredith?" Cristina called after her. "Good luck! I'll see you around."

"See you," she sighed, took a deep breath and made her way through a corridor which was mercifully empty.