What's Enough?

Chapter 177

The green dot lands right on Robert; he looks at it. I quickly move in front, blocking the flashing light. "That's what I was trying to tell you, there going to kill you,"

"I know," he says. "I didn't expect to le- leave he- here alive,"

"But you can, just put the gun down,"

He shakes his head fast. "No, I have to k- kill them," he points the gun at Ashley.

"No, you don't have to kill her; she has been through enough. Jessica's death changed her, and you know it," It's the truth. Ashely isn't who she once used to be. "Trust me; she's in pain. She blames herself for what happened to Jessica," It's plastered on her face. I knew it when I saw her in the bathroom. "Killing her would end that pain, if you want her to suffer, you wouldn't kill her, because, for the rest of her life, she will remember how her being a coward killed the girl she loved," I don't know if it is my harsh truthful words or the gun pressed against the back of her head making her cry even more. He weighs my words in his head, "Just look at her; she's already miserable; why end her misery when she can live with is for the rest of her life,"

"You're right," he agrees. I relax slightly when he pulls back, but then he points it to Matt's head.

Jess blows a raspberry and says, "Let him die,"

Oh, how I want to, but I don't want that blood to be on my hands. I don't know if I can save him, but I'll try.

"Now he, he de- deserves to die f- for what he d- did to you," Robert says, narrowing his eyes at the back of his head.

"You know?"

He looks at me, "Of course I know, wh- who doesn't kn- know? He walks around this school pro- proudly saying what he did to you; he al- always finds delight in tell- telling everyone what he does to girls; it's sick,"

"It is, and that's exactly why you shouldn't kill him," He looks at me confused; Matt seems shocked that I am defending him. "Matt is fucked up in the head we all know, his father beats on him, he lost his mother before he even took his first breath," I wonder if that is why his father beats on him. Does he blame Matt for her death?

"I don't un- un- understand,"

"If you kill him, what if he doesn't suffer? What if, like Hamlet thought, what if he goes to some better place? Even after all that he has done, what if god or whoever, deems his sins as forgivable? His death won't be a punishment; it will be a reward, a chance for him to start over."

"I don't care; he de- deserves to die!" he shouts. The green dot appears on his shoulder; again, I stand in front of it, blocking the sniper's view.

"If you kill him, his sins won't be paid for! Him living and living with what he has done will be the greatest punishment he could ever have; he will never forget this day,"

"Well, someone has to die Jayda," He quickly switches the gun from Matt's head and points it at Ryder. "You don't wa- want th- them two to live, then fine. Ryder, it is," his finger is tight on the trigger.

"Wait!" Again, my breath picks up; I'm surprised I haven't fainted; I can't possibly be getting enough air to my brain. "You can't kill him, not him,"

"Why not?"

"I love him,"

"How could you ever love so- someone like?" he asks in disgust. "He tr- treats you terribly,"

"He doesn't; the other day he wasn't himself, he upset and angry,"

"That's not an excuse; he hurt you,"

"He's never hurt me before," I say. "He takes care of me; he loves me," I say assuredly. "If you kill him, you'll only be hurting me, and you don't want to hurt me," At least that's what he said.

"I- I- can't let all of them go,"

"Killing any of them won't solve anything," I take a small step forward. "Think of it like hydra," He and his friends loved marvel, this is probably a stupid analysis, but in this case, it works. I think. "Cut off one head, and two more shall take its place,"

"I- it isn't t- the sa- same,"

"You kill him; if you kill any of them, it won't stop what happens here at this school, at every other school, once these bullies are dead, do you really think that next year and or the year after that more won't come and do the same exact thing they did to you and me,"

He shrugs, "May- maybe not, but once th- they hear w- what happened here they'll think twice before ever hurting someone else,"

"Maybe, maybe not," I repeat what he said. "You think the other schools that had school shooters just no longer dealt with bullying anymore," I don't know the statistical facts, but I'm sure the bullying didn't just stop..

"Nothing will change if we don't stop them,"

"This isn't the way to stop them,"

"Th- then what is?" His brown eyes drop tears.

I think for a minute and then look over at Jess, "I have a way, I thought I didn't, but I do. It isn't much, but it's something to help us and help expose what this school has done. It's a better way than what you are doing now! This right here isn't the way,"

His hand relaxes on the trigger a little. He slowly comes down from his adrenaline high. I look over to Ryder, who is watching me again, and then turn back to Robert. "No!" he says aloud, amping himself back up. "One of them has to die; they started all of this. I'm not le- letting him, the person who ran everything g- get away wi- with all he's done, he has to pay, someone has to pay," he points the gun back at Ryder head.

He is milliseconds away from pulling the trigger, "Kill me," I blurt out.

"No," Ryder gets up; Robert yells, telling him to get back down; he takes a knee back to the ground.

"Kill me," I repeat. I grab the end of the gun and place it on my forehead; his finger still rests on the gun.

"You would die for him?"

He would do the same for me. "What better way to seek revenge on him than to kill the girl he loves right in front of him?"

"Jayda, no! Kill me; she has nothing to do with this," Ryder says.

"Robert," I call his attention back to me. "As I said, killing him will do nothing; he will feel nothing, but if you kill the girl he loves in front of him, he will regret everything he has ever done,"

He looks at Ryder and then back at me, pressing the gun harder against my head.

"What the hell are you doing, Jayda?"

"Kill me!" I say again, disregarding Jessica. "Kill me, and he will feel your pain; he will feel the greatest pain there is,"

The death of your soulmate is a great pain you will never overcome; it is a pain you will live with forever in your lifetime and only be able to fill that oblivious void in the next life when you meet again.

The gun shakes against my head; as he slowly presses the trigger, I look down at Ryder more time and hold his mint green eyes in mine.

I'll remember those eyes when we meet again.

Bang.

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