What's Enough?

Chapter 153

The door shuts for a second time downstairs, letting me know that both of my parents are now gone and off to work. So happy they didn't come upstairs to see if I had already left for school, because clearly I haven't, and I will not be going.

I'm so tired. I'm drained. I don't feel like doing anything, especially going to school. I am so done. There are only six months left, well, about five months next week, it'll be February; the point is school is almost over, I am literally running on fumes.

Who knows if I will even make it. And I am not saying that because I may choose to end my life soon, or I may get hit by a bus, which leads to my sudden death, because having a long, satisfying life isn't promised to anyone.

I'm saying I may not make it just because I will give up on school. So many times, I have thought about just dropping out and using my money to buy myself an RV and then live out my days in the woods, on a mountain, or something, like Derek.

To think I was actually going to do this shit for another four years, all for some paper that proves I am now qualified to do something I could've learned about on the internet and watched tutorials on youtube for free—what a waste of money, my money. So yeah, no, college is out.

I already sent in my applications to those schools; I will happily decline my acceptance if I even get in.

There's nothing here for me anymore; there's nothing for me to do. We all die anyway, so is it really so bad that I want my death to come a little early. Why do everything you can to live if, in the end, all there is, is death?

I should get up and go eat something; I should probably take a shower too; I need to wash my hair. And I need to start on some missing schoolwork; I was gone for only two days, but I am weeks behind in things; I've been slacking, and I know when my parents find out, they won't approve. I feel kind of bad myself; I've always made sure I did my work, even when I was going through shit. But I'm just so damn tired these days; I don't want to do anything but just sleep.

I pull the cover back over my head and doze off in the darkness.

...

Instant buzzing under my pillow makes me jolt from the bed. I place my hand on my forehead; it feels like my brain is spinning. Pulling the phone from under my pillow, I see that it is Ryder causing my phone to go off. "Hello," I answer.

"Where are you?"

I lay my head back on the pillow with the phone under my ear, "Somewhere you are not," I smile, knowing it will piss him off.

"I'm not playing,"

"Neither am I,"

"Jayda," he snaps.

"Ryder," I mock his tone and suppress the burning laughter in me.

He takes in a deep breath, trying to stay calm; he gets so mad easily; if he says something rude to me, I shouldn't be too mad; I am the one pressing his buttons. "It's fine, don't tell me. I'll track your location,"

"What?" he doesn't, "You don't have my location!" He couldn't have it.

"Do I not?" he mimics.

"Ryder,"

"Bye Jayda, I'll see you in a few," the phone clicks off.

He's lying; I know he is. He's just trying to mess with me because I am messing with him. What if he does have my location? Ugh, he is such a creep, a stalker more like it. What the hell is wrong with him?

Great. I climb out of bed. Now I have to take a shower and fix myself up just in case he does show up.

After jumping into the shower and washing my hair, I grab the blow dryer to dry my curls. It's so crazy to me how shrinkage works, my hair is long, but soon as water touches it, it shrinks, leaving nothing but about five inches of length.