Solely Mine

Am I in love?

I woke up and didn't see Jake,it was disappointing for me cause I had the urge to see him but I'll meet him in school.I call Ben four times this morning but he didn't pick,I wasn't dissapointed I knew he wouldn't pick it,he was hurt and if he doesn't want to talk to me ever again I would understand.I left him so many messages apologizing to him but he didn't reply any.I open my wardrobe and took my normal long gown out.

Why do you dress like this?Are you planning on being a nun in the future?

I remember what Xander said to me,I didn't want to be a nun.I wore the gown and check myself in the mirror,I don't do that-checking myself in the mirror before going anywhere but Xander and Jake would be in school,I don't think I look attractive wearing this.I don't even know why I care of they care if I look attractive or not but I pull my gown and wore a long black trouser then a white top with a white and black boot.Will they like it?Why on earth do you care?

I put my books and pen in my bag and went to the living room.My mom was on the phone and cut it then look at me disappointedly."How could you Kenzie?You kissed Xander Hart of all people?I can't believe my daughter has changed so much and I didn't even notice".She yell at me.

Ben told her.....

"I haven't change Mom,I'm still me.I know it was wrong to kiss Xander but I didn't mean to cheat on Ben.It's just I lol it when he kissed me and I didn't want him to stop and Jake came last night and I kissed him as well it's all just confusing for me".I hate myself for saying that.

"You kissed Jake?You've kissed both?Ben is so hurt by this".She said gently.

"I know and please tell him I'm sorry but I like Jake mom and Xander?I don't even know what I feel about him but I can't deny all of these feelings either-I know it's wrong but-

"Tell Ben as soon as he comes back from his trip.I don't want him to get hurt by all of this and I know you also don't want that too but Jake kissed you and you kissed him back,Xander kissed you and you kissed him back-these aren't just feelings of like it's more than that and you've to figure it out before Ben comes back maybe then you will be able to decided who you want and who you don't want".

I thought about what she said, she's right what I feel is more than just like and I also have to figure It out to know if I still want to be with Ben or not.I hug her and took a cab to school.I've this urge to see Jake again,I open the gate and everyone was at the compound sitting,chatting and reading.I saw Jake sitting on his car with his friends or minions he was smoking and laughing.

He notice me and quickly put the cigarette down,I took a deep breath and went to him."I need to talk to you-privately".I tell him and he smile.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh".His friends tell making me blush.

"Jake go meet your girlfriend-whoa the nerd change her clothing is it because of Jake?".One said and it makes me blush more.

I went with Jake to a corner,"When are you going to tell me you kissed Xander?".He ask frowning.

How did he know about our kiss?did Xander told him I doubt that they can't stand seeing each other.....

"I mistakenly saw a rough sheet in your bin and kinda read it".

"Oh".

"You don't owe me an explanation,I just wanted to know".He said.

"We kissed each other at his house and also at my house,I was hired to tutor Katherine his sister and-

"It's okay I understand.I'm sorry about ben finding out but I also think it for the best.You don't love him and you both don't suit each other".He mention.