A Different Way

chapter 22

This feels a little weird, Jesy thought. She grabbed ger laptop to log in her old social media accounts. Well, mainly Instagram and Twitter, nothing else.

If you're wondering why this is happening, why is it weird or you might just be curious for some other reason, well, here's a little recap for you.

Jesy, she still posted in her Instagram account for a while. For the first part of 2021, probably for four months after she left the band, she was there. She posted pictures, selfies, put them in her story, all those things. It seemed normal, like months ago before the announcement of her leaving.

After the said four months, Jesy craved more and more for normalcy. She has left the band. She only had the residual fame to get rid off, and though she knows it won't be easy, but nothing she can't do, right? It's always one of the girls' iconic mottos, that they can do anything. Believe.

This was also the time when she finally cut off any connection with the girls. She felt horrible, and she knows she shouldn't have. The girls went with her throughout the process of breaking the contract, been there mentally, been there since they started the group. It would have been awful to cut them out, but they did remind her of fame that she didn't like.

Don't get her wrong, fame, she only hated part of it, for what it did to her. She loved most of it, the fans, the message that they used to inspire people, the girls. Oh god, the girls. Leigh-Anne, Perrie, Jade. She misses them so much.

Back to the topic, that year, she slowly strayed away from social media. Weeks passed by and she was barely in there anymore. And then, she wasn't.

The first step she did was to pursue what she used to do before fame, to go back in college. 

She doesn't technically want to go to college, since, you know, residual fame. So she does it online. The method of taking it online was pretty popular in that time, with the pandemic and all.

She felt that maybe this was a start of something new. Maybe she can have that normalcy that she craved.

Performing arts probably isn't the best course to take when you just left a world-famous girl band since she'd have to perform in front of people because, you know, performing. Performing arts.

She decided to take education with it. Jesy could almost fully imagine herself as a teacher, teaching students theater, probably.

After a semester in college, she realised that she still had an attachment to the music industry. She wanted to be a part of it but at the same time, she doesn't. The more confusing thing is she didn't know why she still wants to be a part of it and let it be a part of her once again.

The idea of her owning a label and management was in her mind. Maybe I can do something that our ex-label and management didn't do to us, she thought. Maybe she could do something to change people's path to their dreams, do something for someone's future. Turn around a person's fate under her own management.

All the poetic shit aside, her team supported her and they went with the process. They also went through the legal process on how to hide the fact that she owns it. She just didn't want to hear her name make headlines again. She was slightly tired of it.

Many new artists was signed under her. She made sure every single one of them had chances to shine through, supported the artists on what genre of music are they going to put out, and gave them proper promotion.

After 2021, she has probably papped for a million times, but only a few had leaked because he teams managed the situation properly. When it happened again for what it feels like 1,000,001 time, she decided to switch around, living in different countries. In the US, in Australia, different places on Europe, but she didn't feel safe, somehow. She just started living in the UK again, but she hid from people, hiding from her past life.

Six years later, she finished her degree in college. She has never been happier. She was seeing a therapist for the past six years consistently, and though it seemed like she could never move on from her old life, she just accepted that she might not ever do that, because she herself didn't want to move on completely. She loved most of it, and she didn't want to move on from that.

The next step is for her to get a licensure to become a teacher, but she doesn't plan on that right now.

Paps started seeing her again, and she did what she did years ago again, run away from them.

Since she was gone for a long time, paps knew that seeing her, getting her picture will be a headline, they know that they will get payed big. Jesy was great at running away. It gets tiring.

She comes back to the UK again, and tries to figure out how she will get out of this situation that became part of her life.

It's been eight years and there's still residual fame. She didn't know how to get rid of it. She actually thought that it would be easy and just seeing the result of her trying running away from it. Maybe she can't do everything in this situation. But she can find an alternative.

She received a text from a member of her team, James, one day.

James

We're going to discuss plan D today. We'll be at your house in 6.

And this story ends with how it started. Jesy, sitting on her bed with a laptop in front of her.

It felt like she was in one of those videos where she was spying on fans, using another account. She ignored the feeling and just got her laptop to start.

She headed to the files and saw a collection of memories back when she was still on the band. Her therapist actually thought it would be a good idea to look at it, that maybe it was the type of closure she needed but no, she didn't do it. And plus, she already got the closure she needed (she believes).

She looks on a few photos and a few minutes later, her cheeks were stained with tears. She decided that this step, she will skip first. She just have to do something else first.

When she was logged in her Instagram, it seemed normal. The notifications are coming in like crazy, crazier than how it used to be once, but she just ignored that.

The next few hours were spent reminiscing memories.

Pictures, videos, messages about the girls were all over her newsfeed. It wasn't new, this happen a lot too back then. She just wasn't used to the feeling of the nostalgia. It was nice, but at the same time, emotional.

It felt like she was confusing the line between hurt and happiness, which is weird to feel. The lines were to blurry. Just like how her vision was blurred with her tears.

The girls were family. They always will be. Looking into her social medias right now made her think that. Another thought that she have this time, a thought that she had before, is the fact that although they are her family, she left them behind.

Self care will always be important. It's one of the things that we need but sometimes, we don't give it to ourselves. Jesy gave herself that self care, but was it worth it, in exchange of losing her sisters?

Somehow, she remembered all the things Xailendra said. All the way back from their old conversations, deep or random ones.

I didn't have to choose. Both things, self care and the girls, I wasn't supposed to choose from it. It wasn't a choice to make, it was a matter of decision.

Does this mean it's all my fault in the first place?

☆。*。☆

now

hiii sorry for the late update. i was busy with moving and it's SUPER stressful.

the rising action of the story is coming, stay tuned!

- me