A Different Way

chapter 14

This is part 2 of the last chapter lol. Enjoy! <3

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"N-Nothing," Jesy stammered out. "I don't even know why I'm thinking about it that much."

"It's not nothing if you're thinking about it that much," The girl shrugged. "But I do understand that you don't wanna talk about it. You can tell me any time if you need someone, though."

They were both swallowed by silence. The only thing that can be heard was the whispers of the characters from the movie that they're both watching.

"You know, before the announcement that I left the band, all those performances that the other girls did without me was somewhat a trial run," She uttered out. "We had thing thing, where if someone leaves, we disband. No questions asked, since we figured out that if one certain member left and the group's popularity started going down, the person to blame is the one who left."

So this really is about the girls, Xailendra thinks and nods mentally.

"It was so painful when I told them I'm leaving. They were sad, but tried to understand," She whispered emotionally. "They wanted to disband. Not because of how my decision was going to affect the band's future, but because they thought that staying together would've been a bad move towards me, but I-I told them not to."

"It was a dream from them, being popstars, though yes, it had a lot of downsides but it was still their dream, right? If we disbanded, I disappear, they continue their music, everything wouldn't be the same. We are popular, but the three of them wouldn't be them without Little Mix," She sniffles, but she's still holding back her tears. "Not that popularity is important as long as they're going to do what they want, but in order to have a career, you need fame. So I told them to continue being Little Mix."

"They were worried about the band's chemistry, that it might not work, so the trial runs were done. They needed to perform, do what they do without me," Tears started flooding her eyes. "And me, I was just sat there, I couldn't do anything! They were hurting, but I had to focus on myself. They had to pretend everything is alright, that nothing's changing, happening, but there was and—"

Jesy bursts into tears and Xailendra gives her a side hug and tries to calm her down.

"—and now, I still haven't talked to them since probably a month after I left the band. They all have their families, they're living the future that they wanted and this will sound wrong but I-I'm sad that I couldn't even be a part of this future. I-It's been eight years. Eight years since I've personally heard their voices, had connection with them," She sobbed. "I can't and am not blaming them for the lost contact, it was my choice. I thought I wasn't made for fame but after leaving, I'm confused. I thought that leaving would help but it didn't, Xai. All it did was made me run, and run, and run away from my old life."

The green-eyed girl's eyes we're rimmed with tears. In a way, she could feel the older woman's pain. She inhaled sharply and rubbed Jesy's back. "What you did, leaving? I think it's really brave."

"How is it brave when I turned my back on them just because of the public's words?"

"And those words ruined you, Jes. Leaving the band the band to fix your mental health, it's— it's a big leap because sometimes," She pauses and takes a deep breath. "Sometimes, we do things for other people and not for ourselves like how you didn't leave the band earlier that you did, you stayed and tried to hang on bit when you did leave, you risked your friendship with the girls. Back then, in 2020, I knew, in my 'fangirl point of view' that your friendship wouldn't be the same, that even though you guys would promise to stay in contact, to hang out from time to time, it's rarely gonna happen because of how hectic being a pop star is. You needed to let go of performing and doing music, doing what you love."

"You know that when you leave, you're going to lose almost everything that you love. But you needed to. You sacrificed what you love to take care of yourself and that? Even I can't do that if I was in your place. It's brave, Jesy. Not all people has the guts to do that." She almost whispered, trying not to break down in front of the other girl.

"I lost everything and it didn't even do anything," She said and smiles bitterly. "It's been a long time, and I don't think that I'm any happier. Yes, I did stabilize my mental health. Yes, there are almost nobody that calls me names in the internet. But being genuinely happy? I think I haven't found that one."

"And you know, sometimes I think, was my story meant to be like this? Was I meant to meet three girls that would change my life for the better but lose them in the future? Was it written on the book of fate that I'll lose them? I never thought that this day will come, if you ask me eight years ago," She said, wiping her tears away from her face. "I-I don't know what am I doing anymore. I'm just doing things to run away from my past and I don't want to do that anymore."

Xailendra nods and thought of an advice that she told someone a long time ago, if the past is chasing you and it won't stop, the only way to stop it is to face it, once and for all, but she doesn't think that she can use that advice in that situation.

The green-eyed girl sighs and looks at Jesy. "You know, there's no such thing as fate. All things that will happen, it's up to what you do in the present time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What I'm saying is, now that you're still in this present time period, you still have control over your future. Your fate. You still have a chance to change your tomorrow. And it's up to you if you want to change it."

☆。*。☆