(Home)Less Without You

26

TW's:
*Mentions homophobia/abuse
*Suicide attempt

Not proud of these next chapters cuz it's just like the same plot as I always have, so I'm insecure about it, but no one guessed it so far so idk maybe

'Go away, I will jump.'

'No, you won't. Come here, Clay. Come here.'

'No, leave me alone. I'm going to kill myself. Why are you here, go away. Let me just have peace.'

'No, I'm not leaving you.'

'Why not? Why aren't you at the police telling them I assaulted you?'

'Clay, get away from there.'

'I won't, George. I'm killing myself and there's nothing you can do. Why are you here? What did you hear?'

'I heard everything and I followed you.'

'Why? Just go back to telling everyone bad stories about me.'

'I already told Sapnap that I lied.'

'It's already too late, you already told probably a lot of people.'

'Can I please explain myself?'

'I want to kill myself, just leave or I will jump in front of you.'

'I'm not leaving. Please let me explain.'

'One minute.'

'Clay, I- you won't even believe me probably, but uh- my parents divorced a while back. My mum, I loved my mum to death, she died and I bought an apartment. My dad, whose a real dick, is still alive.'

'What the hell has this to do with me kissing you.'

'Just listen, my dad is a homophobe.'

'SO?'

'He checks on me everyday, because I told him I'm gay. He thought it was just a phase, he told me I would like girls eventually. When I kissed with you, I liked it and I got angry at myself. I wasn't supposed to be gay at all. I liked kissing you and I was thinking about kissing you back, but I suddenly realised my dad. He would kill me if he ever found this out, so I pushed you away. Sapnap doesn't know I'm gay and he doesn't know anything about my dad, but we were planning on introducing Sapnap to my dad. I was so incredibly scared that he would tell anything about that I kissed with you, so I- I made up a story and I made it up because-.'

'He didn't have to know we kissed. You didn't have to tell Sapnap.'

'We were recording and he heard me scream at you. He wanted to know what was wrong.'

'Why couldn't you just say to Sapnap that he couldn't tell your dad.'

'Because I didn't want to tell him I'm gay and that I liked the kiss, Clay. I know I'm gay since I'm sixteen, my mum knew I was gay. She loved me still, but she died. My dad once said he uh- wants to kill everyone who's gay.'

'Why would Sapnap ever tell YOUR dad that you're gay and you liked kissing with me?'

'I didn't want him to know I was gay.'

'You could have just said you didn't like the kiss and you didn't want it.'

'But- I'm sorry, I know I messed up. I'm so sorry, I- I love you too, Clay.'

'Why did you kick me out?'

'I don't know, I was just so terrified anyone would get to know I'm gay.'

'This doesn't make sense at all. You could have just said nothing.'

'But Sap heard me.'

'Why did you scream at me then? You could have shut your mouth and push me away. You could have even kissed me back and never told anyone.'

'But I didn't want you to know I was gay.'

'I literally came out to you, I'm literally gay, what would I have done?'

'I DON'T KNOW. I WAS SCARED. You know, just leave it, I haven't even told you everything, but you just don't let me speak.'

'Go on.'

'My dad passed by when you kissed me and he asked me about it, THAT'S WHY I MADE UP THE STORY.'

'He saw me kiss you?'

'YES.'

'I-.'

'That's why I made up the story. Please just believe me. I pushed you away because I didn't want anyone to think I was gay, and I made up the story so my dad wouldn't get to know it. Please get off the edge. I love you.'

'You can't truly love me, and even if you did. We could never be together.'

'Why not?'

'Because you're scared of what others think of you.'

'I am, but we can work on that.'

'No, we can't. We will never be together. Fine I will get off this edge, but I won't promise you I won't try it in a different way,' I screamed as I turned around and ran away.

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