Wish I Were Heather ✓

E i g h t

~ Vincent ~

"I'm really sorry, Vincent."

"I couldn't make it to your grandmother's funeral. Y'know, I had an important algebra test which would really affect my grades, so " Heather kept reasoning about her situation.

After learning about the demise, she sympathised me and forgave me for not paying her enough attention the other day.

Honestly, I didn't even notice that she wasn't there at the funeral. I was barely aware of anything going on.

It felt like everything in me just became numb.

"Vincent, are you even listening?" Heather shook me out of my trance.

"No." I replied. I didn't know what possessed me to blurt it like that.

She gasped audibly.

"Here, I was asking for forgiveness and explaining myself while you're busy in your own world!" She raised her voice in anger.

Here we go again.

"Heather," I started. "I'm not upset about your absence on that day, so just drop it, already." At the moment, I'm drained of any energy.

My eating schedule had been messed up in the last few days. Who was I kidding? My whole life was pretty messed up.

"I understand that it's not easy for you nowadays, but that doesn't mean you can disrespect me, like that. I, well, couldn't talk to you for the past few days because of -"

I cut her sentence,"Because of your exams, projects, academics, sports, or anything. Well, whatever it was, I seriously don't care, Heather."

Okay. Now, this was the first time I'd ever been rude to her, but oddly enough, I don't feel anything that resembles guilt.

Woah. I was changing. And this change was surely a solution to nothing.

Heather now looked like she's been slapped across her face.

"Vi-Vincent I, I have responsible parents who are constantly worried about my future. When they provide me with everything, the least I could do for them is to keep my grades satisfactory. I don't expect you to understand my situation. I really don't. Hear me out, Vincent, you are not the same anymore."

With that, she buried her head in her palms and broke down, crying.

Her certain words rang through my head;

I have responsible parents.

True.

So true. Her parents are responsible, unlike mine, who aren't at home, most of the time.

Truth to be told, I wouldn't have seen my dad, this whole week, if my grandma hadn't...

I guess I wasn't the only one who had things to talk about.

"I'm leaving. I don't think I can take any more humiliation today."

With that, she left. For the second time.

And even this time, I let her go.

I don't think my problems or my behavior should affect her any more than it already did.

I have to deal with it myself.

I will deal with it myself, anyhow.

.

*
*
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It had been a couple of days since Heather and I had our word exchange.

She hasn't talked to me after that. Truly, I didn't mind it because, in the end, she would be emotionally hurt.

She did not find any more things to sympathise about me, so she doesn't need to make things right between us. Like the last time.

People who didn't notice me before now started to stare at me weirdly. I'm not sure if it's because of my sudden loss or the fact that Heather isn't accompanying me anymore.

I would never know, anyway.

I sat alone at the cafeteria, enjoying every bit of pure bliss that's disguised in the form of solitude.

I'm glad that nobody came to occupy Heather's vacant seat, but then again, why would anybody care? More likely, who cares?

Much to my surprise, the rest of the day passed by quickly.

I reached my home and went straight to my room. All I wanted was to sit idly and stare into nothingness. This is my new hobby.

Nothing excites or bothers me anymore.

I am myself. Yet, I feel so distant from myself. From the actual me. The old me.

Sudden knocking heard from downstairs caught my attention.

Because it weren't normal knocks. It was urgent and loud.

So, I made my way to the front door and opened it.

There stood none other than Heather. She wasn't with her parents, unlike every other time she visited my house.

I was at the loss of words, but luckily enough, she looked like she would be the only one talking this evening.

"Vincent, I'm here to talk." Heather gave out the first sentence of the evening.

I motioned her to sit inside if she wanted.

"I think the conversation would be a little complicated to sit and talk. I'll finish it, right now and here." She said with so much confidence, which caused me to nervously gulp and nod.

"Do you know how much the last two days sucked for me? You may have no idea. Don't worry, that's why I'm here, I'll explain, I failed at two subjects and crossed the deadline for a new project. My parents were terribly disappointed in me. My dad figured that you, yes Vincent, you are giving off a depressing aura, and it's affecting me. And you know what? I didn't deny it. Maybe he is right. You always think about yourself. You're selfish, Vincent -"

"Okay, leave it, this isn't why I came here.  My dad asked for a transfer, and we're leaving in a week. That's it, and I suppose this is our goodbye. I hope that you make your mind right and learn to value the people around you, to not lose anybody else." She wiped a tear away and walked off.

Yes. She walked away like that. Without hearing me out.

Not that I had any words to say.

She left me.

Yeah. Heather Fox left me.

This was my cue. It felt like my last bit of sanity was slipping away.

I'm so done. With my life.