Wish I Were Heather ✓

F i v e

~ Vincent ~

Never once in my life had I imagined that I'd be sitting in a hospital chair holding my grandmother's hand to painfully see her life slowly slipping away, in front of my eyes.

Right now, I'm at that cruel point of my life.

Her eyes are tear blurred, but that doesn't stop her from smiling happily at me. For my sake.

It doesn't require a genius to see that she is in pain. A lot of pain.

"Why? Grandma, why did you keep it from me?" I finally found my voice to ask her the question which has haunted me for the last two days.

Her expressions changed into guilt for a moment before she smiled at me again. Or more like smiled for me.

"My dear Vincent, I never planned on living my last days with you, but God had different plans.  I wanted to distance myself from you so that you won't learn about my disease. But something in me wanted to see you for one last time, before.," She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them.

She continued, "Whatever I did was for your well-being and do not blame Violet or David for not telling you earlier. Please?" She gently squeezed my hand.

"O-Okay. So, were you in the hospital every time you left for traveling?" I asked, blinking away my tears.

"Well, yes and no. The doctors knew that there is no hope in me, so they suggested that I fulfill my last wishes, so I traveled a bit." She completed with a small shrug.

Even in the last moments, she's still the coolest person I've ever met. I know that she is just trying to make me feel better when I should be the one doing that.

"Grandma, when I missed you a lot, I went into your room and found a list of the things you wanted to do. I didn't think a lot about you having a bucket list, 'cause you love traveling and stuff. It was left with one last thing. Can you complete it?" I asked with hope.

I feel like she has given up. If she shows a slightest bit of interest to live more, who knows, maybe she could do so. Maybe.

"No, Vincent, I can't." She accepted her defeat.

"Don't you want to see the Aurora Borealis?" I asked, hoping she would say yes.

She sighed. She's doing that a lot more, lately.

"Well, I've always wanted to see the northern lights, but I'm happy that I'm going to a more beautiful place, Vincent." She smiled again.

"No, you're not. You're not leaving me. I'll be alone. Again!" I pleaded even though no decision is in her hands, now.

"I'm not leaving you, Vinny boy! I'll always be there with you. Watching you. Spying you. You won't get rid of me that easily." She chuckled, and I did too.

It's hard to believe that my dad is her own son.

They have nothing in common.

"Y'know granny, mom recently told me that you are a big fan of literature, so I switched my optional subject to English. I then saw a cupboard filled with books in your room." I explained it all, like a child doing to impress his favorite person.

"Aww. That's so sweet but also very un-Vincent like." She pointed out.

Yeah, she's right. I never do things to impress people. Never. But she's all I got,  so I won't mind impressing her.

We talked for a few minutes, but all of a sudden, her breathing increased rapidly. I began panicking and pressed the emergency button beside her bed.

"Grandma, don't go, please!" I cried out to her.

"Vincent, remember that nobody lets their special person walk away or leave them. Do you get it? But I may not be able to stay and, don't forget that grandma loves you, Vinny boy, so please don't let any grief consume you and stay cheerful for your grandma."

By the time she finished her heavily breathing sentence, the hospital staff came rushing in along with my parents.

"I love you too." My voice was merely a whisper.

Yet, she smiled and nodded, indicating that she had heard it.

The staff requested us to stay outside the room and let them do their work.

We waited for a long time in the visitor's lounge. I dropped myself in a chair due to exhaustion. Mental exhaustion.

I've never cried like this, and also, I've never seen my mom cry like this.

Something inside me knew that this was our goodbye.

Goodbye. Forever.