The Guardian

Episode 7 Part 4 - My truest self

Sidney grit his teeth and pulled the oars with all his might as the boats set off down the river. Listening out to Arthur's chants he tried to ensure his rowing strokes were in time with Tom's. It wasn't long before the muscles in his arms and legs started to burn, but the pain felt good. He needed to feel something to drown out all the emotions he was feeling and physical pain felt like the most effective method right now. He knew he was overdoing it and he'd ache like hell tomorrow, but right now he didn't care.

The race was tight for the first 50 yards with each crew trying to find their rhythm, but as they got into it, the boat whose crew consisted of the local gentlemen started to pull away from the others. As such Crowe, who was drunk, decided to take matters into his own hands and steered their boat into them. The manoeuvre unfortunately did not go to plan and both boats ended up in the riverbank. This left Mr Stringer's boat, and the Parkers still in the race and it was pretty much neck and neck as they turned the bend towards the crowd.

Charlotte had run down from the starting line with Mary to join the crowds at the finish line. They giggled away as they ran and Charlotte was grateful that the run distracted her momentarily from what was going on inside her head and her heart. When they got to there, Charlotte didn't realise at first that they had stopped right next to Mrs Campion, not least because the crowd was enthusiastically cheering and she was so engrossed in what was happening. However, once Mrs Campion spoke, all at once the hurt and humiliation came flooding back.

"Miss Heywood." Said Eliza.

"Mrs Campion." Charlotte replied, acknowledging her presence.

Eliza leaned over to her to say. "You know, Miss Heywood, I almost expected you to be rowing with the gentlemen given how involved you've been in today's activities. Have you decided to sit this one out?"

Charlotte glared at her. "I am not in the mood for anymore insults, Mrs Campion. You have made your point. And in any case, if you are so keen on securing Sidney's affections, you might think again before disparaging me any further. I am his ward after all." She hissed so that no-one could hear her.

Eliza turned to her. "Yes, Miss Heywood. You are his ward. Perhaps you would do to remember that yourself."

Charlotte took a sharp intake of breath. The problem was, Eliza was right. She was Sidney's ward and she needed to remember that. She had clearly let her emotions get the better of her today and given herself away. Charlotte didn't dignify Eliza's statement with a response and instead, kept her eyes fixed on the boats trying to register what was happening on the river, but not really paying attention. It wasn't until the last 10 yards that Mr. Stringer's boat took the lead and won the race to rapturous applause. Once the race had ended, Charlotte decided she wanted to put some distance between her and Sidney and Eliza. Suddenly remembering Edward's words earlier, she took the opportunity whilst everyone was celebrating, to sneak away towards town to find Clara, hoping she would catch her before the London coach would be leaving.

Sidney didn't really care that they didn't win the rowing race. Whilst his body was threatening to go into spasm from the intense exercise, it was oddly satisfying. He had managed to empty his head of everything during the race and just focus on the each stroke of the oars, which was exactly what he had intended. It was the same reason he boxed - to rid himself of thoughts and feelings and it worked temporarily, but now the boat had stopped, his mind quickly leapt to Charlotte again. Instinctively he looked out for her on the riverbank, but he could not see her. Mary was there with Diana and Eliza too, but there was no sign of Charlotte. Panic suddenly set in and Sidney hastily got out of the boat, his eyes searching the crowds.

"Mary, where is Charlotte?" Sidney asked as Mary gave him a hug in commiseration for missing out on the prize.

"Oh. I don't know." Mary said, looking around. "She was here just a moment ago."