What happens now

CHAPTER XX

Callie

It's been a few days since Arizona and I last saw each other. She went over to stay at her house to mourn over the loss of Wallace. I completely understood that she wanted to be alone for sometime. Her and Wallace have gotten closer over the past months he had spent in the hospital. I go over at her house everyday to check up on her but she doesn't come out of her room. I leave her meals outside her door and every time I come back, the tray of food is gone, giving me the sign that she probably eats them. I call her and she picks up, yet doesn't say a single thing. I was the one who did all the talking while I could her hear sniffing at the end of the line. 
No one has seen her down like this. Not even Teddy. Everyone is worried sick and wants her back at work. They miss the sunshine she gives. 
I spent most nights worried about her. One time I even slept at her couch, hoping that she comes out of her room. That never happened and so I just slept over my house, barely even sleeping. 
I miss her. There are no words that could describe how much I want to see her right now. 

After my shift, I went directly to her house. I banged on the bedroom door, desperate to see her.
"ARIZONA! PLEASE COME OUT!" 
I could hear shuffling from behind the door but no Arizona spoke.
"Arizona please. Talk to me." I could feel myself in the edge of crying. 
I kept on knocking until I broke down on the floor, leaning on the door.
"Baby please. Open the door. You don't have to shut me out. I'm here for you. You don't have to go through this alone. You hear me Arizona? You got me."
I was still crying and the exhaustion got to the best of me. I continued to lean on the door and let my eyes close.

xxx

I could feel someone stare at me as I sleep. I opened my eyes to see Arizona stare at me. I realized I was now on a bed and she laid down beside me.  Her eyes showed sadness and she didn't look like my Arizona. She looked like a mess. She had bags under her eyes and her eyes were red from crying, as well as her nose. She had her arm tucked under her head as she stared at me.

"Callie." Her voice cracked as she spoke.
"Yes baby?"
"I don't ever want you to cry. Especially if I'm the reason." She sniffled. 
I didn't say anything. I just admired her. She looked so beautiful even if she somehow looked like a mess. 
"I missed you." She croaked out.
"I missed you too sweetie."
She finally let her guard down and buried her face into my chest as she broke down. I put my arms around her and rubbed her back as she cried. I kissed her head repeatedly and continued to comfort her. As she calmed down, she pulled away from me and just looked at me.

"You know he was supposed to turn eleven. But instead he died on his birthday, which was also my birthday. But that didn't matter to me anymore. I repeatedly told his father not to get him the surgery but he insisted. And the Chief. Gosh, the Chief. He persuaded me into doing a surgery I wasn't even sure myself that Wallace was going to survive from. And now I have blood on my hands. Wallace's blood. Wallace died in my hands Calliope. He died."
She cried again and I held her. We spent the night talking about Wallace and all the memories Arizona had of him. I couldn't help but cry too. He was a good boy and it saddened me that I didn't get the chance to meet him. 

Arizona soon fell asleep in my embrace, and I reached out to the nightstand where Arizona put my phone and contacted Teddy that I finally got through Arizona. Teddy answered and I assured her that Arizona was feeling a little bit better but still very much down about Wallace's death. I ended the call and just looked at the sleeping beauty in my arms, not bothering to get some sleep.

xxx

I stayed up all night watching her, afraid she was gonna get out of my sight. I just wanted to see that super magic smile but sadly, it was far from happening. Her eyes fluttered open and pain and sadness were still evident in them.
"How did you sleep?" I asked while running my hands on her blonde locks.
"Better." She replied shortly.
"Okay. I'm gonna start breakfast. Any requests?"
"Coffee. I just want coffee."
"Alright."

I went down and made her coffee. When I came back in the room, she was still on the bed, her back on me, facing the window.

"Arizona, here's your coffee."

She sat up and faced me. I walked towards the bed and handed her the mug. She took it from my grasp and sipped on it. 
"Do you want me to stay in with you today?" I asked, hopeful that she would let me.
"I'm coming to work with you. I need to get out of this house." 
"Are you sure you're ready."
"Yes Callie. I'm fine." She snapped at me. Her tone came out a bit harsh and I just nodded at her. 

I heard her sigh as I turned my back to walk out her door.

"Calliope I'm sorry. I know I'm being so hard right now. I get that you might want to leave me--"
"How could you say that? I love you. I love you so much that I'm willing to die for you Arizona. It kills me how much hurt you are going through right now. And I just wished that all that pain was poured unto me and not you. I love you and please don't ever pull that crap that I'm gonna leave you just because you're 'giving' me a hard time. I'm in for all the good and the bad that comes with you Arizona. I don't care if you push me away and do a shit ton more but all I know is I will always be here. I will never leave you because I love you and I have never loved anyone else like this. Not like how much I love you." I cried as I let every word leave my mouth.
Tears fell from her eyes and she let out a tiny smile. I walked over to hear and wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks.
"You really mean that?" She asked as more tears pooled on her eyes.
"I do. I meant every word I said. I will never walk away and I will always love you. Always." 
She took my hand and intertwined them.
"I love you too Calliope. And I'm sorry."
"Sweetie you don't have to apologize. I understand. The things you are feeling right now are valid. Okay?"
"Okay."
She finished her coffee and soon, we were off to work. 

Teddy hugged Arizona the moment she saw her trailing behind me. They held each other and I swore I saw Teddy Altman cry. The other attendings welcomed Arizona back and I could tell by the smile on Arizona's face that she was glad she finally decided to go to work. Since she didn't come in for a few days, she was left with a shit ton of paper work. I left her in the room she was residing in to let her do whatever she needed to do while I on the other hand, had a surgeries to attend to.

I barely had time to get out and get a quick recess since my surgeries were major and back to back. I was in one surgery one minute and 10 minutes later, I was in another. I had a total of 5 surgeries today and I was drained. After my last surgery, I crashed in an on call room to take a nap.

xxx

I felt something heavy on my chest when I heard my pager gone off. I looked down to see my girlfriend, sleeping on top of me. But what bothered me were the tear stains that trailed down her cheeks. Slowly getting her off me, her eyes snapped open, revealing her blood shot eyes.

"Did you cry again sweetie? Are you okay?"
"No. His parents went in to see me earlier. They still gave the 25 million. And I didn't know what to say. I went to find you and good thing a nurse saw you come in here. I almost didn't want to face them Callie. It's my fault their son died." She looked down and sobbed again.
"Hey. No. Baby look at me."
She hesitantly raised her head.
"Arizona, it's not your fault. You said so yourself that you guys didn't think he would make it after 2 years. And yet he did. If it weren't for you, then he wouldn't have spent another 2 years with his parents. You granted them another 2 years. But this time, that was it. Arizona sweetie, death is something we can't control. Please don't blame yourself."
"I'm sorry if I'm being such a baby. It's just--"
"Hey. Stop apologizing."
"I'm sorry."
I laughed at how cute she was right now.
"Damn it. I don't know how I get through with working around you when you're just too cute."
"I don't know how you handle it."
"You feeling any better?"
"I am. Thank you." She kissed her cheek.
"My pager has gone mad. I'll see you in a bit 'kay?"
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you more."

I blew her a kiss and off to the pit I went.
The patients all had fractures everywhere and two of them shattered their bones so I had to go in on them. 
The surgery was quick so I was out in no time. 

I got out late since I had to cast all the fractured patients. Luckily, one of the residents helped me, which lessened the time intended. I went to the attending's lounge, grabbed my stuff and went to my apartment. Much to my surprise, Arizona was there, laughing at the movie she had on.
"Calliope! You need to watch this with me. It's fucking hilarious!"
I smiled at the sight of her being so carefree and just laughing away. It seemed that she may have temporarily forgotten the state she was in a few days ago.
"Did you eat dinner?"
"Yeah. I got pizza. I saved some for you in the kitchen."

I could hear her laughing all the way from the kitchen and the sound of it, was music to my ears.