A large group stood at the end of the main gate driveway, watching the blue minivan scurry off into the distance. Mutters echoed through the group.
"Good riddance--"
"What a bitch--"
"She would never leave--"
"--happened to make her go--"
"Must have skeletons in the closet--"
No one knew the truth. No one but our little group of four. Lindsay, Ian, little Alex, and I. Stuck in a twisted bond of truths and lies, bound together by misfortune.
We stood there, a unified bond of misfits in a place where we did not belong. All we did was wreak havoc on this camp, overthrow their ruler, and leave bodies behind. What more was there left for us to do?
Discontent was evident in the crowd's eyes. I knew what they were thinking: How could she just leave?
While I understood her motives, it was wrong to do. She wasn't built for leadership, but she left behind a vulnerable group of people that relied on her. It was cruel, a sort of vicious twist of fate that only benefited her. Not that it was a guarantee for her. She could still face many misfortunes on her way to wherever she fled.
My new sidekick clutched my hand tightly. It was impractical in case of a fight, but it was comforting to have someone there. Alex had taken a quick liking to me. I didn't know what that meant in terms of our new relationship. Certainly I found myself with a responsibility to take care of her now, at least temporarily.
But now that Sarah was gone, I had no obligation to stay. I had no ties to the people; I hadn't even met more than a few.
My only reservation was Oilver. How could I leave him in a shambled survivor group? It wasn't him that I cared about so much as Elizabeth.
A deep, dark part of me said to just leave him. Good riddance. Would she ever forgive me if I left him for dead? Forgive myself?
I surveyed the community. No more than twenty-five people, I'd wager. A base plan formulated in my mind. If every household had a car, we could get back to Fort Bishop. Gas would be a problem, but we could siphon it from the remaining cars given that they had something left in their tanks.
The Colonel always bitched about people and resources. If we brought the majority of supplies here, it may make up for the amount of people.
Not that I really wanted to return. The Colonel had sent assassins after us. At least to our knowledge. Sure, we'd had some problems in the past, but I just couldn't see him doing that to us. He had trained Warner and I since we'd been back from our last deployment. He hadn't really gone off the rails until all this shit started.
The apocalypse hit people in different ways. Most of us were trying to live, the select few thrive, and those remaining... Well, their basest instinct, it comes out with a fierce alacrity for whatever it takes to survive.
So badly, I wanted to fault him for it. To blame him for everything. But I just couldn't. I understood. I would do anything to protect the ones that I loved. Even kill. How could I blame him for doing the same?
"Lindsay," I said, my voice lowered. I didn't want to attract too much attention since prying ears could ruin this idea. After all, it was just an idea.
"That's a scheming face, isn't it." She sighed in relief, running a hand through her red locks. "You've got a plan."
"Some semblance of one, at least." I fought for the words to articulate it. There were so many variables and problems that I couldn't hope to address.
"What does 'semblance' mean?" Alex piped up from my side, the first words I'd heard her speak of her own accord.
I smiled at her. "It means that it's a similarity. I have something close to a plan, or something that seems like one, but it's not perfect."
She nodded, perfectly satisfied and went back to her observation of the crowd.
"Resilient kid," Ian whispered to me. "Does this semblance of a plan have anything to do with going back to base? Because we could always just cut our losses and go. We don't have any ties here." His gaze went to Alex. "At least, not many."
Like his brother, Ian knew me too well. "It involves base," I conceded. "But we wouldn't leave everyone behind."
"The Colonel sent people to kill you and Warner," he hissed, his voice lowered. Lindsay still overheard, her eyebrows flicking up. "You want to go back? And bring all of these people?"
"How could we leave them behind?"
Understanding overcame Ian's face. "This is because of Elizabeth." He laughed without humor. "Bringing her back her fiancee isn't going to help her get into a relationship with you. In fact, it'll accomplish the opposite."
"Thanks, but I don't need relationship advice from someone who's never been in a serious relationship." He rolled his eyes. "Besides," I continued. "How would she ever forgive me if I knew?"
Lindsay watched with quiet fascination. I glanced at her, remembering that she was just waiting for a plan, but we got caught up in a whole different game. A game of knives and heartache.
"Don't stop on my account," she said, raising her hands in surrender. "I'm always a fan of drama."
Ian ignored her. "Fine, then take just him. The Colonel won't be pissed about another doctor. But all these people," he gestured to the whole crowd. "He would blow a gasket."
"He doesn't sound like a very nice guy, then. Why would you want to be friends with him?" Alex asked. I winced, I had to remember that she was listening. Despite what she'd overheard, I was glad that she was starting to open back up. After what she's been through, I couldn't imagine what was going through her mind.
"We're not really friends," I explained. "We work together. He's our boss."
"I would never want to work for him then," she said, perfectly content to hate someone she'd never met.
"Amen, sister," Ian said, giving another once-over of the crowd.
"So, what do you want to do?" Lindsay finally asked. "If you want to fill the void of power, you should probably do it now."
"Hell, no." I shook my head. "I'm not taking on all of that. I don't even know who half these people are. You do. Just explain to them that there's a base we can go to. Another option. We can't force them to go, but we can certainly offer them a way out."
"Fine," Lindsay said with a sigh. "What the hell? I'll do it." She broke off from us and stood near the main gate.
The crowd hadn't yet started to disperse. They all just stood there in a sort of terrified shock. Some were angry, but most were just scared. If their leader cut ties because it was too dangerous, what did that mean for them? The ones that were left behind?
"Hello, all." Lindsay cleared her throat. "As you saw, Sarah left. Where that leaves up is up to you." A deep breath. "We have options. There is a military base a few hours northeast of here that can take us in. The two soldiers," she pointed to Ian and me, "can take us there. Or you could stay. No one is forcing you to stay or leave. What you choose to do is up to you."
A man shouted from the back of the crowd. "How would we get there?"
Lindsay looked at me, subtly gesturing for me to join her. "I'll have Luke explain."
So much for not putting me in the spotlight. I released Alex's hand and strode up to join Lindsay.
"Hey, I'm Luke," I said in terms of an introduction. The only face I recognized in the gathered group was Oliver. Off to a great start to a group of strangers then. "The idea is that we drive. Judging from the driveways, most people have cars. If we pick a few of them, we can stock up supplies and drive there in a pack. If we need gas, we can just siphon it off of the other cars."
Murmurs hushed through the crowd. I couldn't tell how receptive the crowd was. "I know that you don't know me. That's fine, you don't have to trust me. I'm leaving. Going back to base. If you want to follow, you're welcome to. I just wanted to extend the invitation."
Lindsay picked up for me. "You don't have to leave, but you are not obligated to stay." She lowered her voice and asked me, "when would you want to leave?"
I glanced at the sky. It was late afternoon at this point, almost dinnertime. "Not tonight. We wouldn't make it before dark. Tomorrow, first light."
She nodded, then turned back to the crowd. "Think on it. We leave tomorrow. Go, get dinner, sleep, give it some thought. No matter what you decide, we respect your decision. Thanks, guys."
The crowd broke off into small groups, drifted towards houses in clusters. The attitude of the people confused me. I just couldn't get a read on them.
Ian and Alex walked over to us. "So," Ian drawled. "We're really doing this?"
"What other option do we have?" I asked with a shrug. "It's not like this infection is miraculously going to go away. Even if it does, the amount of people that died...We're stuck without resources. The power and electricity are gone. Phones are down. It's not like there is someone that we can call to come pick us up."
"What about sat phones?" A satellite phone. It didn't need a cell tower to function, the signal bounced off a satellite instead. Hence the name. "I know that the Colonel has one in his office," Ian said.
"Even if we got that one, it poses two problems. We'd have to go back to base, which you have wanted to avoid, and the person that we were calling would have to have one, too."
"So, we're screwed is what you're saying?" Ian asked. "Nice."
I shook my head. "We can hash out the details later, but right now we need a break. We're running on no sleep and little food." I turned my attention to Alex. "You hungry?"
"Starving," she said, putting a hand on her stomach.
"Let's go get dinner."
----
The next morning, it poured.
A huge torrential downpour that showed no signs of stopping. There was no way that we could leave in this. Especially since we still had to either steal a car or snag a ride with whomever decided to join us on our return to base.
Ian and I stood staring at the pattering rain coating the window panes, the screaming of the wind filtering through the hard wooden door.
Ian voiced my thoughts. "There's no way that we're getting out of here in this. Should we plan to leave tomorrow and just stay in Sarah's house again or should we go as soon as the rain ceases?"
"Whatever we do, we can't leave at night. Too much bad shit happens at night and I don't want to risk it. What if the infected have night-vision or something?"
Ian's eyes bugged out. "No way. That's not possible." He paused, uncertain. "Is it?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. That's an Elizabeth question."
Ian shot me a sly look. "Speaking of Elizabeth..." He trailed off his voice suggestive. When I didn't answer his unasked question, his face softened. "How are you doing with that situation? You know...with her being engaged and all."
A long sigh escaped my lips and I ran a hand over my chin, the days on the road leaving a coat of roughened stubble on my face. "How am I supposed to be doing? She's engaged. So what? We were never in a relationship. I don't have the right to be upset about it."
"But you do," Ian insisted. "She totally led you on and then let you get blindsided by the fact that she is in a relationship. I'd be pretty pissed if I were you."
I scoffed. "You are pissed. And not on my behalf." I gave him a knowing look. "We all know that you've been crushing on her. Even she knows."
Ian's face fell, but he still remained composed. "It was never going to workout anyway for me."
"The same for me. Relationships never go well for me."
Ian frowned. "That's not the kind of attitude that you should maintain." He reached for my shoulder, trying to give me some support. All he did was put pressure in my wound. "Luke, I think you guys really had a shot."
"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I am in love with her. If she cares about me. She is engaged. I will not be responsible for breaking up a marriage."
"You love her?"
I didn't answer.
"Holy shit, you so do." Ian clapped me on my good shoulder. "I'll be damned. You've got to tell her."
"No," I said, a statement final in itself. No means no, after all. "I already told you, I am not ruining that for her. How many times do I have to say it? She's engaged."
"So?" Ian asked. "What is the point of her staying in a relationship with someone that she doesn't love? She wouldn't have led you on if she didn't like you."
"That doesn't mean she no longer loves him."
"What if we left him behind?" Ian said, his voice dark and suddenly serious. I hated to admit that a part of me thought the same. "Then, it wouldn't matter. She'd never see him again." Seeing my face, he backtracked. "It was just a thought."
"I know," I said, my voice barely audible. "But how could I live with myself if we did that? How could I claim to love her if I did not put her own needs above myself." I shook my head, sighing. "Love is an act of surrender. I surrender myself to her. I love her, and I will surrender anything and everything to make her happy. Even if the sacrifice is my own happiness."
Lindsay tapped the edge of the doorway, exiting Sarah's old office. Shit, how long had she been there? Judging by her face, she'd heard enough.
"I hate to break up your bildungsroman, coming of age movie moment, but we have some bigger things to deal with at the moment." She gave me a sharp, critical look, jabbing her finger at me. "Don't think that we won't be discussing this later."
I rolled my eyes, trying to shake off all of my emotions. I needed to compartmentalise. We were in crisis mode. There was no room for emotions in crisis mode. "What's the problem?"
"There's so many, but one that is the most pressing."
"The bodies in the house?" Ian asked, plopping down on the living room couch.
"No, actually." Lindsay's face was not promising. "Though that is a problem on my list. It's about traveling to base."
"What about it?" My eyebrows narrowed. This couldn't be good.
"There's a pretty even split about leaving and staying. Many people won't leave without a certain person and others are desperate for something better. It has caused some big fights." She swallowed. "I'm afraid we'll have a bloody civil war on our hands if we don't do anything about it."
"Shit," Ian and I said simultaneously.
"Damn right." Lindsay tapped her hands nervously against her legs. "Someone had taken over our food supply. They claim that those who are disloyal to this community deserve no food." She covered her face with her hands. "This is a bloody disaster."
"What the hell is wrong with people?" I asked.
"Are you looking for an answer?" Ian retorted. "Because I've got a whole list."
Lindsay and I ignored him. "What should we do?" She asked me, her face resigned.
I clenched my teeth. How did I get dragged into the middle of this shitshow? Why is it my responsibility?
I wanted to say fuck it and leave. I don't know these people, it's not my problem. But how could I? They were in a bad situation, one that I caused. How could I shirk my responsibility?
I couldn't.
As soon as this was resolved, I was done. Out of here. Whoever wanted to join was welcome to, but I was not going to embrace the role of a leader.
I was a soldier. I followed orders. And disobeyed them.
Lindsay bit her lip. There was something else that she wasn't telling me.
"What, Lindsay? What am I missing? What aren't you telling me?"
"The man with the food," she started, her voice quavering slightly. "He has hostages. The neighborhood kids that went to breakfast." She put a hand on my arm. "Luke, one of them is Alex."