XLIX
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Crystal's POV***
"Do we have an 'end-of-the-day' relationship?" I asked Ashton as I slipped into bed with him for the night.
When we got back, Eli had fallen asleep with Layla on the couch. And surprisingly, Ashton didn't make any snide comments about his arm around her waist as they slept. He seemed to actually be thankful this whole time that Eli was able to make her feel at all better.
Jake was still wide awake, though, sitting in his bed. With a sad nod in my direction, Ashton walked into Jake's room to talk with him. I knew it wasn't my conversation to have, so I just went up to Ashton's room, changed into one of his comfiest sweatshirts, and listened to some music to try and somewhat get my mind off of everything.
By the time he had come back in, it was a long while later, and I assumed that he had stayed with Jake until he fell asleep. He gave me a sad smile when he closed the door, no doubt still in a lot of pain from the fight.
And now, as we laid in his bed, he scrunched his eyebrows at me, not knowing what the hell I was talking about.
Typical us.
"There's no way that's an expression," he said, finally calling BS on all my weird terminology.
"I just made it up, but it seems pretty straightforward," I replied, and he shook his head.
"I thought I was the potentially concussed one here," he gave me a strange look, and I rolled my eyes.
"See- this is what I mean," I commented.
"Fine, what's an 'end-of-the-day' relationship?" He asked me, trying to play along.
"You know when people say that? Like when they talk about people and are all 'oh yeah they're this and that but in the end of the day we love each other'," I tried to explain, and he was trying to follow, "like when a sibling is a pain in the ass, but in the end of the day they're your sibling," I gave another example.
"So you're saying that I'm a pain in the ass?" He grinned, and I chuckled.
"Well I mean, you are, but that's not my point," I responded lightheartedly, re-centering myself on what I had planned on being somewhat of a serious conversation.
"I feel like we've been in the 'end-of-the-day' phase at all times because of how messed up our lives are, and we don't really know what it's like to... you know... be in a relationship during the day, too," I said, and he looked like he finally was starting to follow. "I just don't want us to be an 'end-of-the-day' thing, and then whenever all this dust settles for our roll to get messed up at all."
The fact that I trusted him enough be saying all this, though, definitely made me feel better about the thought, and made it easier for me to start accepting this as probably just my anxiety talking- which was something I never could do.
"Well what makes you think we would?" He asked, sitting up a little bit to match my eye level.
"I don't know," I tried to think, "I mean, we argue sometimes."
"We don't argue, we banter, with an occasional argument that gets settled anyway," he corrected, "and might I remind you that our love started from an argument."
"A stupid one, though."
"Yeah, very stupid. It so obviously was you who walked into me," he said and I turned to glare at him, but when I did I just saw him smiling amusedly at me. He really did enjoy pushing my buttons..
"Funny," I replied sarcastically, and he chuckled. "Okay fine, so our daily banter isn't considered arguing, but what about the times that we've actually gotten into a fight? Like in June," I went on.
In June, I had gotten annoyed at him for not wanting to do anything because he was so busy being his angsty-ass self and being opposed to simple fun things like bowling or beach volleyball. I told him (only somewhat aggressively) to lighten up, and needless to say he didn't take it too well. Looking back at it, I don't blame him, though. If he had said that to me I probably would've reacted much worse..
"I mean, every relationship has arguments from time to time.. if not then they're either not being completely honest with each other, or they're just plain boring people."
"Yeah," I agreed, "I guess I'm just nervous that we've gotten so used to living in Hell that we won't even know how to live in Heaven, if that makes sense.
"It does," he said, reaching and taking my hand under the sheets, intertwining our fingers. "But that's not gonna be the case, C."
"If you think about it, in a way every relationship is an 'end of the day' one.. because the most important part is how you deal when everything turns to shit and you don't have control.." he continued thinking out loud, "I mean, that's the hard part of a relationship. Not deciding how bright your days are, but dealing with how dark your nights get. And we've had plenty of bright days, too- they've just been so right and natural to us that you didn't even notice the sun rise."
"Damn," I chimed in, and he looked back to my eyes, smiling slightly when he saw my overly-impressed reaction to his words. "When did you become a poet?" I asked, and he chuckled, rubbing my hand with his thumb a little.
"You bring out the worst amounts of cheesiness in me, what can I say?" He smiled softly at me again, and I returned it.
"I'd say we have the 'dealing with everything turning to shit' part down pretty solid," I mused, turning on my side to fully face him.
"Speak for yourself, I might be concussed," he joked, and I laughed a little. Then it was quiet for a bit.
"I know you wouldn't leave me," I spoke again after a few moments. Our eyes locked again, "and I'd never say that lightly. But it just always seems to happen to me- the people I love leaving and whatnot. I guess it's just always been in the back of my mind haunting me.." when I said this, he turned on his side as well to be fully facing me.
"I thought I made it pretty clear by now, but I'm going to marry you one day. Unless when I eventually ask you say no, which would be awkward as fuck," he started, and I chuckled, my heart swelling as he continued.
"And I'll work super hard to make sure every day is as bright as it can be. And when we get in fights, we'll just think about all the 'end of the day' moments where we know whole heartedly that it doesn't matter what pointless arguments we get into, because there's no one else for either of us and we love each other more than we hate the hardships. And then we can make little us's and give them a better lives than we had," he cracked another smile, and my heart grew even more at the thought of a little Ashton parading around the world.
"And then one day we'll die, but even that'll be fine because we can just get all hot-and-heavy in hell," he wiggled his eyebrows, and I reached up to stop them with a chuckle. "No relationship is perfect. And I'd say that with how fucked up we both are, us is the closest thing to perfect we could make," he finished, and I tried not to let my eyes get misty at his beautiful words.
"By that logic, I'd say we're pretty perfect," I smiled and scooted in a little closer to him. "I remember when you used to be a man of few words," I teased.
"Yeah, well, that was when I didn't like you," he said, making me chuckle again.
"The feeling was mutual," I smiled up at him, and he returned my loving gaze.
"I wouldn't be me without you." His voice was low as he spoke, and I kept the love-struck expression in my features. "And forget about me- do you think that Layla or Jake would ever let you leave them? They like you more than they like me," he joked, and I bit my lip to hold back another laugh.
"I think this moment right here is a 'day' moment," I told him, and now he got a little closer, moving his hand up to gently brush some of my hair back from my face. He looked so good in the dark lighting, regardless of all his scabbed cuts.
"I feel like I should say something cheesy in return but I'm all out of cheese for the night," he replied, and I chuckled before leaning in and pressing my lips to his.
We had kissed a ridiculous amount of times since our first, but they never once had lost their magic. His hand rested on my neck as our lips moved slowly, molding perfectly together.
Ashton shifted his weight to his arm and gently brought himself on top of me, continuing the sensual kiss. I brought my hands the back to his neck, staying somewhat careful of his still-healing cuts and bruises, but also not thinking about anything other than the comforting feeling of him on top of me.
It was comforting, that is, until his hand felt under my sweatshirt and gripped my bare waist. My body basically jolted and my eyes shot open, my heart dropping in my chest.
I pulled away from his lips instantly and gasped for air as the memory of George doing the same thing pierced through my mind. It was as if the memory was an axe that had just been slammed into my skull. I pushed on Ashton's chest repeatedly, feeling like I could only move my arms.
Panic shot through all my senses, drawing water to my eyes as they burned and heated up my face. It felt like something heavy was both sitting on me and lifting me up at the same time.
"No no no, no," my words came out strangled, and he was off of me in a heartbeat, looking over me worriedly. I wrapped my arms around myself and started to shake as a tear slipped from my eyes and I scrunched my eyebrows, the feeling of pressure building up in my mind unbearable.
"What's wrong? What happened?" He asked frantically, still keeping his voice down since everyone was sleeping. My breaths were still sharp and shallow, and I couldn't bring myself to speak. I saw his expression change through my tears a few seconds later, though, telling me that he understood.
"H-hug," I was finally able to push out, and he complied, wrapping his arms around me and bringing me into his chest. He held me tight as I gripped his shirt and cried into him. My shaking didn't get any better as the memories kept flashing in and out of my vision, making me feel like I was reliving everything again.
The only thing keeping me tethered to reality at all was his embrace, and he just kept holding me as I gripped him hard. My near-silent sobs still seemed loud in the quiet room, but they were almost completely muffled as I kept my face buried in him.
"I've got you, baby," he spoke softly to me, gently rubbing my back and keeping me close. I calmed down slightly while I focused on the feeling of his heartbeat under me, my shaking beginning to subside as the memories stopped flashing.
"I know," I shakily whispered back, feeling another tear slip out of my stinging eyes.
He held me for hours, running his hand through my hair as as stayed clung to him. The sun was nearly rising by the time I fell asleep, but he stayed up regardless to continue comforting me until I finally drifted off.
• • •
Layla's POV***
I jolted awake in a panic, gulping in air and grabbing the arm around my waist as instinct for support. It took me only a few seconds to realize it was Eli, since I had startled him awake and he was now sitting up to see what was wrong. I quickly calmed myself down in his brown eyes and sighed.
"I'm sorry," I apologized for waking him.
"It's okay. Bad dream?" He asked, rubbing my arm.
"Yeah, you could say that," I let out soft, painful laugh, wishing that I got bad dreams instead of torturous ones. I continuing trying to steady my breathing.
"You've barely slept tonight, you should get some more sleep," he spoke softly, trying to help me back down. I gave him a sad smile.
"It doesn't work like that," I told him the sad truth, "I'm gonna start making breakfast," I held my hands as they shook ever so slightly.
"But it's 5 am," Eli responded, sitting up further with me now.
"I know, but I always do after a really bad nightmare.. it was all I knew how to do after a while so it became my coping mechanism in a way. It gets my mind off of everything," I explained, and he rubbed his eyes.
"Wait here," Eli told me and went to get up from the couch, but I put his hand on arm to stop him.
"No, Eli, just sleep. I'm fine, really. I've been alone with this my whole life," I tried to reassure him, but it just made him frown and plant a quick kiss on my forehead as he stood up and walked to the kitchen. I quickly wiped a tear from my face that fell and waited, not knowing what he was doing.
A few minutes later he came back with two mugs and a small smile on his face. The sun was barely up, but he seemed to glow in the dim light. He sat down next to me and handed me one of them, and I realized it was coffee from the delicious smell.
"Let's have a shit on of coffee together and then we'll make breakfast. Together," he said as he took a sip, his voice still a little raspy from just having woken up.
I felt a small, genuine smile spread on my lips.
This boy... he knew me.
"Okay," I replied and took a sip of my own. "I'll make the coffee next time, though. This is okay but I make it better," I joked, and he softly chuckled.
"Did I ever tell you about the time me and Ashton accidentally got Jake stuck in the clothes-drier?" He asked with an amused grin, and I had to fight to keep in my shocked laugh as my jaw dropped.
"What?" I asked in disbelief, so ready to hear the story. I sat criss-cross-applesauce on the couch and faced him, scanning over his defined features as he told me the story.
Don't worry- it wasn't on. Apparently they had been playing around with Jake and somehow got him in there, but the door wasn't opening when they went to let him out. They had to pretend like it was fine so that Jake didn't freak out in there, but the two of them were freaking out. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off as he told me the story, trying my hardest to keep it silent.
"And then Kevin came, and apparently he's had experience with getting things stuck in a drier for some reason, so he knew how to take off the door somehow," he continued, and I just smiled at him. Don't get me wrong, the story was super funny, but the fact that he was doing this for me made me feel better than any story ever could.
Unless that story involved me meeting Harry Styles, obviously. But unfortunately that probably wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
"You three are gonna be the craziest fathers one day," I chuckled, and he shrugged.
"We're gonna be the funnest," he corrected.
"That's not a word, bud," I told him, patting him on the back.
"Whatever, nerd," he replied and we smiled at each other. I noticed we had finished our coffees, so I made us some more. My coffee was clearly better, but I didn't rub it in. He got in a few more funny stories about stuff I had missed a few years ago before we finished, and I loved them all.
"Alright," Eli said, taking my mug away from me after I finished."Let's go make a kick-ass breakfast."
I was pleasantly surprised at his breakfast-making skills, but I was still the superior pancake chef. He only had me beat with the bacon, but even that was a close call. Everything else was clearly my terrain.
None of that mattered, though. Because for the first time ever I was making my comfort-breakfast with someone else.
And I could really fucking get used to that feeling.
• • •
Hey guys!!!
Incase you haven't seen- I made another playlist on my Spotify for Crystal's music lol. Feel free to check it out :) :)
QOTD: what's a random thing that you love??
>>> fuzzy socks :) they're so comfy
ALSO GUYS ANNOUNCEMENT TIME!!! Incase you haven't seen, I have updated the prologue and preview chapter for 'The Ice Cream Pact', which is the book I will be updating once this book finishes!!!
It's gonna follow Jake and Connor when they're in high school, and it'll follow them through their little romances and other coming-of-age type things! I'm genuinely sooo to share it with you all.
I have SO many plans for it ;)
ANYWAYS THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!
Stay beautiful,
Briella <3