Written By: ClownyAlter, helicopter-stannie, WhoopsIJustDied, BirdLover345, BreakfastVibes, and Cuteunicorn4639
Art By: WhoopsIJustDied (If you'd ever like to do art for Hermitfics, DM us :D)
Edited and Proofread By: helicopter-stannie
Characters (In order of appearance): Ren, Iskall, Impulse, Stress, xB, Jevin, Doc, Etho, and Grian
Word Count: 4124
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Peaking through the window, Ren saw Iskall hauling up his Christmas tree, stringing lights around the dusty branches. Ren took a step back, admiring Iskall's well decorated base. A Christmas party was going to start soon, and the resistance is hosting it. Well the guise was a "Christmas Party", but we all know its really the resistance's way of celebrating their victory, and still being able to invite HEP. Everything was going great, the lights, the foods, the wreathes, everything was perfect, but they'd forgotten one small thing... the tree. Ren's approach to this problem was to st- no, borrow a tree from someone, that someone being Iskall.
Ren heard a cough from behind him and he turned around. His team were behind him, Impulse, Stress and xB. xB grinned shyly. "What's exactly the plan...?" "Yeah, we haven't exactly discussed that..." Impulse trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. He did his well known crackle and smiled nervously, glancing to the ground. That reminds him. They haven't really thought this through, have they?
----------
Jevin glided down, landing softly on the glistening white snow. Doc and Etho were less graceful and crashed sideways into the building. Grian floated down behind them, rubbing his temples. "I don't know if you two know this, but when you break into a Christmas store, you break in quitely." Jevin snorted, ignoring the now bickering hermits behind him and turned his attention to the locked door to the store. They had to get a Christmas tree and fast, before the party started, and before Ren, Stress, Impulse, and xB got it. There had been a silly bet that occurred when they realized they never got a tree, and Jevin knew the other team would get caught by Iskall soon enough. It may not be the best idea to split up the resistance like this, but it's too late anyways. In the mean time, it's time to break into a Christmas store.
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Ren, to be completely honest was panicking. It was Christmas Eve and they didn't have a Christmas tree. Impulse stepped forward, noticing his friend's panic. "Hey, we're here at Iskall's, right? Let's just grab the tree and go! How hard could it be right? We'll be back before the other team in no time!" Ren blinked, shook from his thoughts. He smiled "Yeah- Yeah! That's a great idea impulse! ROLL OUT GANG!"And without second thought Ren, Impulse, xB and Stress took to the skies.
Accomplishing this was easier said than done. Despite the dense covering of leaves scattered across the area of Iskall's base, there wasn't much room for the group to hide. Ren didn't understand why the hell Iskall even had a Christmas tree- why not just shove some lights onto his base or something? He shook his head. That wasn't important right now.
He swiftly moved around the large base, careful to avoid being detected. Why the hell was this thing so open-? Whatever. He motioned to the others to follow him. They carefully navigated the tree to where the christmas tree stood. Retrieving the tree would be tricky- especially with Iskall standing around.
Maybe a distraction would be convenient...
-----------
Doc ran forward and kicked the door, falling backwards almost immediately. Loud laughter could be heard from above him as Grian helped pull him up.
"Amazing Docm77, absolutely amazing." Etho chuckled, his eyes glinting with amusement. Doc snorted, looking slightly embarrassed as he dusted the white powder off his coat.
Jevin watched in amusement, looking around. "Anyone have any better ideas?"
Grian pulled out a pin from his pocket.
"Watch and learn." He said confidentially, striding up the door.
Like any form of spy movies, Grian shoved the pin into the lock. Without much time even passing, a click sound out indicating the door was now unlock. This was further proven by Grian opening the door not even a second later.
He turned around and smiled at his teammates. It looked a bit smug, but it was probably because of Doc's earlier failed attempt.
"Should we be concern about why Grian knows how to pick and lock?" Etho asked out, being the first one to speak up. Laughter combusted from the group.
"I think we should be more concern that he can even lock pick in the first place," Doc spoke up, glancing at the hermit.
Jevin shrugged at the two. He stepped forwards towards the store. "As concerning as that is, we probably should be focusing on stealing a Christmas tree."
The others followed Jevin inside, glancing around to make sure they weren't spotted. It was fairly dark inside. Doc crashed into a pillar, making a bit of noise as he swore semi-quietly and Etho silently wheezed at the sight. They were quickly shushed by Grian. "Shh! We don't want to get caught!"
They continued on through the store, searching for a good tree. Grian, being a picky little shit- ahem, Grian, who wanted it to be a good tree, wandered the store looking for one that satisfed him. The rest of the group trailed behind him, occassionally picking up ornaments or messing around with random sparkly things they found.
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Back with Ren, Impulse, Stress, and xB , things weren't going that well.
"We need to distract Iskall and get him away from the tree- trees? There's the pine tree and the omeg-" xB is cut off by Impulse.
"Alright. Distraction. What would get Iskall away from here?"
"What would trigger such a visceral reaction in him that they would have no choice but to leave?" mused Stress.
And then it clicked.
"Diorite."
~-~-~
After a quick trip to and back from the shopping district, they had a decent supply of diorite. In fact, four shulker boxes in fact.
They all paid of course, just because the shop belong to their resistance's leader doesn't mean they can't pay.
Well except xB, but that was because he was a bit broke. Although his cuteness got him a pass.
They all also have to put in some work, so it was only fair the only one who didn't paid lead Iskall behind.
They all sniffed their laughter as they watched xB dropped off diorite blocks in a path, like that one fairytale. Also like Grian.
Only on Hermitcraft folks!
"Did he just... sniff the air?" Impulse asked out, struggling to hold back his laughter. "Oh my goodness," Stress giggled out as she watched Iskall turned around to find the trail of diorite.
In a blink of an eye, he was following the trail with flint and steel in his hand, burning the diorite in his path. Or rather the burning the path of diorite.
After he left the base, Ren spoke out.
"Well that was easy."
xB nodded, extending his elytra and gliding down, landing swiftly in front of the tree. Ren and Stress weren't so lucky. Ren's elytra broke and he fell to the bottom floor, and Stress had face planted into to the tree. xB let out a gasp of surprise, running forward. Alas, he was too late. The tree swung around before collapsing onto the wooden floor. Stress's dark brown curls were laced with ornaments, her sweater entangled with lights, with a star on her head.
Impulse landed next to xB, looking from Stress to Ren.
"Oh dear."
-----------
The others also seemed to have a habit of getting tangled in decorations. Jevin was a mess of slime and lights, while Doc and Etho were busy seeing how many christmas hats and ornaments they could stack on top of each other's heads. This continued until Grian finally found a suitable tree and turned around to find a chaotic scene before him.
"Oh for goodne-" Grian sighed. "I really can't take my eyes off of you for one second." He turned back to the tree. "C'mon let's take this back before the others- ah shoot how are we gonna transport this-"
"Well, we carry it," Etho helpfully provided. They all basically felt the dumbass grin underneath the mask. Jevin glanced at Doc and back to Grian, he pointed at the player.
"He can probably carry it."
Grian sent him a dumbfounded look. "Yeah obviously. I was asking how would we bring it to the shopping district?"
Etho and Doc turned towards each other. There was a mischievous grin on Doc's expression and they can only assume Etho matched it.
Grian felt dread dropped into him. "Oh god. What are you thinking of?"
---------
"REN? You OK down there?" Impulse yelled, his voice echoing throughout the tree. "yEP!" Came the winded answer. Impulse sighed, turning his attention to xB. "So- how much time do you think that distraction will give us?" xB chuckled nervously, rocking on his heels. "Probably not a lot of time..."
Impulse sighed again, then looked down back at Ren. "REN? If I drop my elytra, will you be able to catch it and fly back up?"
After a long pause, there came a hesitant "yes."
Impulse took of his elytra and dropped it down to Ren. He turned around to find xB trying to drag the tree, with Stress on it out of the tree.
Impulse looked back down, just to make sure Ren actually caught it. Upon seeing him buckled on the elytra, he got up and headed over to xB and Stress.
"Hey! Do you need some untangling?" He chuckled out, sending a grin to Stress. xB giggled out and Stress sent him a smile. "I'm fine with this! As long as we're first!"
"Yeah, you're right." Impulse nodded his head. He picked up the other end of the Christmas tree. Stress sent out instructions to them, mostly helping xB navigate as he walked backwards.
They were careful as they ascend further up into the tree.
They immediately froze up as they saw a blur flew downwards to the ground. It was definitely not Ren as Stress has told them she spot him on the stairway somewhere below them.
There was only one person that it could be.
"Shit! Impulse yelped. "Iskall's back!"
xB sucked in a breath. "Oh god no, already-? Ack- we've gotta hurry!"
The group rushed to get the tree out before Iskall noticed their intrusion. Stress peered down to where Ren was trying to catch up to them. "Hurry up!" She whisper-yelled.
Ren glanced up, confused. Stress then pointed to the ground, where Iskall was entering his base. "Damned diorite.." and phrases along that line could be heard from the infuriated hermit.
Ren's eyes widened and he began to ascend with more haste. They were still unnoticed, but the secrecy wouldn't last for very long. They had to get out of Iskall's base, and fast.
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"So, we all have good elytra durability, right? And we can use christmas lights or tinsel as string, right?" Etho began, already seeing the disapproving look on Grian's face.
"Hey, you haven't heard the plan yet!"
The expression on Grian's face doesn't change.
"So, the plan is, we use the lights and tinsel and whatever else we can find, we secure it to this here tree, we attach the makeshift string to ourselves-"
Doc cuts in, grinning widely. "And we fly it back to the shopping district!"
Silence ensues in the shop, until the plan finally processes in Grian's mind. "No no no no no, that is a terrible idea."
Etho looks at Grian hopefully. "So terrible that it might actually work?"
Jevin stares at the scene unfolding in front of him. "This is not going to work, is it..."
"Well, do you have a better idea?" Etho shoots back.
"I'm not saying no, I want to see what is going to happen, I'm just saying that if everything comes crashing down, which it most likely will, I told you so."
Grian shakes his head in disbelief. "I suppose I'm outnumbered then. Let's get this absurd plan set up then, and hope no one catches us."
The four search through the store, grabbing as much tinsel and Christmas lights as they can, and prepare. There's a comfortable rhythm that settles in, as Jevin grabs the material and Etho braids them together to reinforce the rope. Doc wraps the rope around the tree, and Grian keeps an eye out on the door, making sure no one comes in.
It didn't took them long to prepare everything for their less than intelligence plan, surprisingly. It was a little bit too fast for Grian's liking as it hinted at past experience.
However, he said nothing and simply watched with Jevin as Doc and Etho attached each other to the tree.
Once they were done, Etho turned towards them. "So, this might not work..." He trailed off. Jevin and him shared a look at that. "And in case that happens, they probably should be someone underneath us to catch the tree if it fails."
"Yes, ask the lanky, tiny people for help," Grian replied sassily, rolling his eyes with crossed arms. "Grian shut the fuck up, I've seen you carrying at least every hermit at one point," Doc shot back, staring at him with narrowed eyes.
Jevin raised his hand. "I don't have a skeletal system so..." He glanced towards Grian."
"Welp! It looks like you're the backup Grian!"
"Are you kidding me-"
"Oh woah ho ho, we don't kid around here ;)"
----------
You could say he tried. He made an attempt. Was that attempt fruitful? Not in the slightest.
The first problem was the rockets. If you hadn't noticed, rockets make noise, and since Ren needed to go upwards, they were a necessity. He used as few as possible, but they had alerted Iskall, and he was calling out in a suspicious tone within seconds.
"Hallooo? Who's there? Mumbo I swear if you're back to do that stupid cobweb thing again I will-" Iskall called, his voice getting quieter and quiter the higher Ren got.
Then, Iskall took to the skies, wielding his sword. Panicking, Ren frantically tried to find a way to put on a distraction. Now, Ren has plenty of outfits and personas, and within seconds his grimdog game was on, and he was ready to take out Iskall for the goodness of Hermitcraft.
Besides, if this wasn't a big enough distraction for the others to untangle themselves and get the tree out, nothing would be.
Flying high up on the drugs of capitalism, Ren somehow escaped the huge chungus tree that is Iskall's vase.
He flew up into the sky to the point that darkness surrounds him. He could almost see a spaceship in the background. However, his focus was on seduction and killing.
Because of course it is.
The darkness of the sky entered through his eyes and mouth, breathing in the darkness, his skin transformed to a similar demonic force from last season.
He let himself fall back. The wind would've caused him to freeze like that one kingdom name I can't spell from the hip animated film Frozen but you know what I mean. However, he did not feel it, for he is now Grimdog.
Who arguably wasn't intimidating at all.
He felt the warm arms of a living being carried him.
Time for seduction.
~-~-~
Iskall realises just a little too late that the hermit he had been following wasn't Mumbo. Infact, he realised so late that when he managed to process the thought, Ren, who was now Grimdog, crashes into him. Truth to be told, he is almost grateful for Ren crashing into him, otherwise he might have caught a cold from the high altitude. Now there is a warm Ren hugging him instead of cold air.
"Hello, gorgeous." Grimdog whispered cutely, somehow manoeuvring the two midair so Iskall would be carrying him. "How are you doing today, love?"
Iskall blushes, then remembers what he is here to do. "Not very good, thank you. Someone, presumably you, scattered diorite around my base." he replies hotly, glaring at Grimdog. "But I suppose it got better, because now I can kill you."
Grimdog whined, snuggling closer to Iskall. "But darling, I'm so cute, how could you do such a thing?"
"I mean, you are pretty cute, now that I think about it." Iskall replies in his swedish accent.
"And on the topic of thinking, you've been in my thoughts every day, I just can't stop thinking bout you."
Iskall screeched internally, looking down at the adorable hermit he is cuddling. "Well, whilst you couldn't stop thinking about me, I couldn't stop falling for you."
And with that, Iskall swoops into a dive, pulling out of it again at a safe height, just to prove his point.
"Was that dive a dive into my endless sea of love for you? You just couldn't see the seafloor." Grimdog responds, then pulls out his amazingly huge definitely not evil looking scythe, which Iskall somehow fails to notice.
"And I can't see a future without you."
Grimdog smirks. "I certainly can."
With that, Grim moved his scythe faster than Iskall could react, and slashed it across his body. He stepped back, watching as Iskall stared, shocked, before slowly tilting forward, blood pooling everywhere.
Iskall dropped to the floor, his body disappearing in his pool of blood.
Grim grinned, satisfied with his deed. He glanced up. The others were out of sight, presumably already out of the area. Grim slipped on his elytra, gathering up Iskall's items that had been scattered around to return later, spread his wings, and set off to find the rest of the group.
----------
"You know, the three of you kind of like look Santa's reindeer right now," Grian commented.
And, to be honest? They kind of did. With the long trails of colourful chirstmas decorations tied to tree and the three hermits all they were missing were the antlers and perhaps a glowing red nose.
"Grian-" Doc growled.
"Oh I know there's some antlers in the store. And besides-" Grian pulled out 3 rubber noses, flaring bright red, "I've got more to complete the look."
"Grian, I swear-"
"Anyways," Etho stepped in. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"
They began dragging the tree to the door, knocking over practically everything on display. Then they realized something important.
"How are we supposed to get this tree out of the store?"
"We could bust down the doorframe to make space for the tree to go through," Doc suggested.
"Oh my god, no we're already stealing we're not going to cause property damage too-" Jevin was cut off by Grian piping up.
"It's a two in one crime! C'mon I say we destroy the doorframe." Jevin groaned as the two hurried over to wreck the wall. Etho laughed and followed them, pulling an axe from his inventory to help.
Within minutes, the wall was an absolute mess, and the tree was outside. Grian carefully stepped through what used to be door. "Let's just get this over with."
Grian followed the trio of dumbasses as they excited out of the random shop they found while flying around. He watched as Jevin helped the two redstone madmen who decided to not build some sort of over the top redstone flying machine. Instead, going for one of the dumbest ideas Grian has ever heard of.
Keep in mind that that's coming from Grian out of all people.
He turned to looked around the frozen wasteland, surrounded by broken down trees and abandoned buildings, overgrown with greenery. Cracks and holes in the wall with plants littered all around them. Frosty snows raining down.
Luckily, Grian had winter clothing. Unlike his team.
Speaking of them...
Before he turned back to the idiots, he pulled out the coordinates and wrote it down on his hand. Scar would like this.
He turned back to see the trio making a dirt tower, ruining the beautiful scenery.
"What are you doing?"
They all turned towards him, their expression like a child caught stealing a gun.
"We were making a platform because just in case our brilliant fool proof plan fails, you need to underneath us to catch it so..." Etho popped in with an explanation. Jevin gladly finished it for him. "We built a perform for them to launch off."
Grian sighed out and buried his face into his hands.
At this point, he felt stealing from a non abandoned place was much easier. Maybe he shouldn't have trust Doc and Jevin to be responsible.
"Whatever! Let's just go!" He took out a rocket and ran forwards. He activated his elytra and flew up, ignoring his teammates screaming that they weren't prepared.
He just wants to get drunk at the party and forget this ever happened.
--------
"Smooth, eh Ren?" A chuckle sounded from behind the Grim. He spun on his heel, finding Impulse gliding towards him.
"What? I had to get his guard down some how!"
Impulse smirked, rising an eyebrow. "Mhm, sure, thats what they all say."
Ren glared at him before flying up to join Stress and xB.
"Alright guys, we have the tree, so do we untangle Stress or take the tree there and than untangle Stress."
"I mean- who said we ever needed to untangle her in the first place?"
"Wh-! Hey! No, let me down!" Stress cried indignantly. "It's so uncomfortable up here-"
"I dunno...we could always keep her up there in place of a star," xB snickered.
"Don't you dare!" Stress yelped, frantically trying to untangle herself from the ornaments and failing. "I'm not staying up here for that long just to be a star- I was kidding about being fine with it!"
Impulse just laughed and shrugged. "We'll decide later. For now we've gotta get out of here." Stress huffed and stopped squirming so that they could move the tree easier.
They began to drag the tree out, slowly but surely.
Making their way downtown, into the nether, running and screaming, panicking and crying, out of the nether, into the overworld.
Oh, of course, it's nighttime. Okay that's fine, everything's fine.
They start screaming as they fly around. Some looks were sent to them, but instead they completely missed it, instead distracted by the phantoms.
"WHO DIDN'T SLEEP?"
"I'M SORRY MY DUDES, I SPENT MY TIME DECORATING THE BASE FOR THE PARTY!"
"GODDAMNIT REN!"
They eventually made it to the resistance base in, interesting shape.
They met eyes with the other half of the resistance team. Doc and Etho were completely covered in holiday decorations, Jevin had some inside of him and if they squint they can see some leaves within and last but not least, Grian's hair was messed up and there was leaves stuck everywhere in him.
"Well well well, looks like we both made it back, in one piece." Doc said, his unnaturally voice low.
Impulse snorted, eyeing the other team dubiously. "I wouldn't say one piece but,, close enough I suppose."
It was quiet for a moment, both teams eyeing each other. The tension in the air was thick, so thick you could cut it with a sword.
Etho flung his sword out, letting out the best war cry you've ever heard.
"I guess we fight to the death then :)"
Doc grinned and took his sword out. Before the two could commit murder, and overthrow half the resistance made to resist the government which they wanted to overthrow, Grian stepped up in front of them.
"Look let's be civil about this- uh, how about we...use both trees?" He suggested nervously, glancing at the very sharp swords being brandished at him.
The group pondered this, glancing at each other and silently agreeing. "Yeah, why not."
They got to work stacking the two trees. It was a precarious process, and they may or may not have stuck a handful of Jevin in there to get the top tree to stay upright.
Stress wasn't pleased, but she made a pretty star.
~-~-~
If the hermits were trying to get the world record of the loudest, most chaotic party ever, they certainly achieved it. It was an insane party, to say the least, murders, romance, crack, dares, and everything and anything in between. The HEP were invited for a reason after all. It was a night they would never forget, one of the best and worst Christmas's they'd ever had. Only on Hermitcraft; ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between, only on Hermitcraft.
Merry Christmas!
If you want to know what happens at that party, come back next year...
:)