『it's always for you and never for me, and I need that to stop.』
Day seventeen: feeling are fatal
"You want to do what?" Aizawa said raising an eyebrow at the boy. Said boy nervously rubs his neck in response. Maybe he should have stayed quiet. Shuck out under cover of night. Nah that's not exactly izukus style. Besides Aizawa never sleeps and further never lets Izuku out of his site.
"You heard me the first time... I just- I can't have-. Ugh I'm the only one who can do this so I thought-"
"Absolutely not." The older man cuts off. Aizawa was expecting something to be asked because of the way the boy had been acting. And sure he felt he knew what it was the boy wanted and therefore knew how to react. But he was not expecting this. This was the last thing he would have planned for. What was Izuku even thinking. Was Izuku thinking? Aizawa thought not.
Gosh this child is selfless in the most idiotic way.
"What! Why?" Izuku whines back. He thought his idea was a really good one, plus it would give him something to do. Not to mention he would be the only one able to pull of such a stunt.
Aizawa rolls his eyes. This action alone deflated all izukus hopes and dreams. Honestly this boy will be the death of Aizawa.
One day. One day is all he asks yet one second seems to much for the world to offer. Izuku is a problem child through and through.
"You know exactly why mister 'the villains still have my body and I'm not safe anymore.' Who knows what could happen if you did this.
You'd be in a dangerous part of town. You'd be alone. And do you know who is patrolling there? I do. Heaven forbid endeavour saw you! He will do anything to make sure this stays under wraps- even kidnap and attempt to kill you again."
Izuku winces. "But Aizawa!" He pleads.
"Don't Aizawa me. Yes I'll humour you for a moment, even if you did go through with this. Which you're not. What if the league saw you? What if you couldn't come back? What happens if you cause a catastrophic accident and it was left with you slap bang in the middle of it?"
Aizawa was closer to the boy then when he started. Having walked forward as he got more into his come back. He knows this probably made the boy feel uncomfortable, cornered and probably slightly triggered. And yes, he knows his voice was raising as he spoke but still he didn't stop.
Maybe more like he couldn't stop. He has a strange relationship with the boy and anything that could end in disaster and one less problem child is a hard no from him. He cares, believe it or not, but he doesn't want to loose him more than he has.
It takes that final sentence and a harsh glare from Aizawa for Izuku to finally break.
He makes a sharp noise, somewhere between a intake of air and a frightened noice. Aizawa almost takes it all back feeling sorry for the boy since he basically caused this.
Key word almost. He didn't mean to be so blunt or straight forward but the reality of the situation is, that he's a wanted boy. Or spirit. Ghost boy? Whatever, the league wants him, But the heroes want him too.
And Izuku just wants his life back... even if that means finally dying.
Aizawa grumbles slumping down. He lets out an exasperated sigh. "It's not that I don't trust you. Or think you can't handle it. I just don't want you in danger. Please Izuku try to understand that. See it from my perspective for a second."
Izuku listens. He also understands plenty. But the words Aizawa spewed stay with him. He knows full well he would never forgive himself if he caused some kind of death war.
He wouldn't be able to face anyone. He'd live or more like die without seeing Japan grow worse in war and devastation.
Scared images of people, children, his friends and family battered or dead haunted his closed eyes. Each one tainted red with someone's blood.
He can't hear the silence of the room over the screams and pleas of innocent children. The manic cackle of villains as they face off with heroes. And there stands Izuku. Unharmed standing helplessly in the middle of it. Just like Aizawa said.
His mind twisted painfully to keep spinning the nightmare he's imagining. It was too much. He had given up. He will give up if it will save everything he holds dear.
It's quiet for a while before the silence is broken. Izuku painfully laughs a snorts thinking back to endeavour. "I'd scare him to death see how he feels about it." It's his attempt to change his thought train.
Luckily he isn't questioned instead Aizawa chuckles to himself. It was a nice change of subject and he smiles at a rare moment looking to Izuku.
"Why not go see someone else. Someone who loves you perhaps?" He say trying to cheer the white haired boy up.
Izuku ponders back on memories from Kacchan's house. The way his eyes became bright when they landed on the boy. How he felt he couldn't explain enough to him.
He remembers how he ran out of time. His body and soul slipped through Kacchan's hands. Izuku wanted to stay and love the boy like he once did but now he was hiding again. Causing so much pain again.
He wouldn't be able to face Kacchan again yet. But maybe, "There is one person who may like to see me..." the white haired boy looks towards the window out at the afternoon sky. Yes maybe a trip to the park would be a nice change of pace for him.
At some point the boy drifts off into a restless sleep. Aizawa stays sat next to him. Since he has no more jobs to do. He'll stay to keep an eye on the boy instead. But soon a frown takes over Izuku's peaceful resting face as he mumbles out his dream.
Aizawa has to get closer to be able to hear him clearly. But it sounds like he's communicating with someone. At least talking about someone from what he can make out. The rare full sentences aren't as helpful to decipher as you may think.
And things like "lover" make Aizawa's interest peak.
This boy will never stop amazing Aizawa.
"Hay Izuku..." a cool voice asks catching the green haired boys attention. "Hmm?" The younger boy responded. He keeps his head down focusing on the daisies he's weaving together. The other laughs softly at the behaviour. He notices things about the boy. Like the way Izuku sticks his tongue out when he concentrates really hard.
Or how when the light hits his hair just right the black roots turn to a lighter green and for a moment his hair resembles a fluffy green cloud.
Another thing that happens when the sun hits just right is how his eye look.
Gosh if Shoto could keep that memory and share it as a photo he'd make millions. It's like looking into a green galaxy. Gold flex shimmer and dark specks of green infiltrate the highlights. They become so empty yet so incredibly full all at once.
This boy is so beautiful.
The two of them, sit side by side under the shade of a huge cherry tree. They feel no breeze or warmth from around them. The forest they sit in is as still as a painting. Izuku weaves more flowers together yet no flowers can be seen growing around them.
The whole thing seems like a hazy memory with less important parts fogged out. Shoto sighed after a short pause.
"Are you hiding something from me?" He whispers.
The green boy pauses looking up but not meeting the other boys eyes. Instead he glances into the distance at the sun filtering through the trees that stand tall all around them.
The suns position hasn't changed the whole time the two have been here. It just makes this all seem more artificial.
"What?" Comes the shaky voice. Izuku is clearly lying about it yet strangely he refuses to let go just yet. "Tell me the truth" the cool voice cuts through again this time holding more authority. The green haired boy almost choked. "I don't understand. I was-"
"No you weren't. You can't lie to me. More so you can't lie at all, it's just not in your blood. Your heart is too kind." He's met with silence.
It seems to only help anger the half and half male. Finally Loosing his temper the teen shouts. "For gods sake endeavour told me!"
In the distance birds scatter into the sky. It's like something spooked them yet Izuku's sure it wasn't Shotos shouting. He's alone all of a sudden. There's black all around him. He holds nothing. He feels scared, upset, alone.
Then the landscape reappears. He's back under the tree with flowers in his hand.
A harsh reality crashes onto the boy with the flowers. Now he faces a different split off. Which path to choose? What to say? Who to save?
"I don't understand, he told you what exactly?" The green boy stalls. The other man next to him just scoffs. Izuku keeps his vision straight ahead waiting for the answer. He doesn't dare look to the boy. He knows he'll make direct eye contact and that would only make this situation worse for him.
Izuku is weak and Shoto knows this. But Izuku will not let the other boy win easily. Oh no.
"I know you were injured in the last fight and I know it hurt you more than you said. So- so why. why didn't you tell me?" The voice grows softer. "Why did I have to hear it from him?"
This does the job of guilt tripping Izuku. The small boy knows how much hatred the other hold for his father. He knows how much Shoto would have hated hearing from him. He know endeavours properly bragged about it and how he won. Killing his sons favourite person without a second thought. 'All to make Shoto stronger.'
It doesn't take a genius to understand how this situation could only worsen the father son duo's relationship.
From his peripheral vision Izuku sees the older boy look away. It's the first time since they started talking that the attention has been off him. He chances a look and quickly snaps his head back when he feels the heat in his cheeks.
Izuku wishes it was because of blushing. Izuku wishes it was because he loved the boy so much.
He can't stop the smile that faulted as tears start to spill down his flushed cheeks. After a few more minutes the silence is broken by an equally broken response. "I couldn't tell you.." Izuku says not making eye contact.
"I couldn't tell you because-"
"Because of what!" The now frustrated boy cuts in angry tears threatens his eyes. Izuku feels the guilt building up inside him. He holds in as many sobs as he can refusing to break down completely. The silence sobs still are clear to the other as the small boy shakes.
"Because I was dead!" Izuku yells out eyes shut tight leaning forward off the tree. "I knew you cared!" He shouts back softer but still matching the volume of the boy sat next to him. "... but I was dead." He retaliated in defeat.
Izuku sighs at the quiet that wrapped around them. It was just the two of them. No one else in the world could hear. With this information the green haired boy starts lowering his voice and letting go of the anger he held mear seconds ago. "I knew you cared and I cared to. I was scared to lose you Shoto..." he trails off into a mumble.
The miss match boy lifts Izuku's chin forcing him to make eye contact. "But now." his voice breaks "Now I've lost you." it come out barely a whisper.
It was silent for a while until a new question arises.
"You don't have much time do you?"
Izuku looks up looks up at the two toned boy. He revealed a shocked expression "Shoto..." he say.
"No..." Shoto shushes. "No more dodging questions. Katsuki said you just disappeared after appearing. Tell me how long you have left." Izuku looks more pale as his current form starts seeping through.
If Shoto was being honest he knew Izuku was hiding from the start. The happy smiling face seems duller since that last day. Those bright green eyes start losing colour and turning milky. "You won't like this.." Izuku says finally. "I have no idea"
"But Shoto if your sharing this dream..." Izuku cups the boys cheeks. "If your seeing me like I am, if there is any way you could possibly hear me." The white hair and eyes shine through. Black roots lightening devouring green as it goes. The pale translucent skin void of freckles and the blush Shoto had grown so fond of. It's all gone showing now the main figure of Izuku.
Scars is all Shoto can think. So many scars. Each one a different shape and size. Colour ranging. Some look like his own burn. Others more like a knife made them. Izuku smiles sadly watching the boys gaze roam.
Izuku knows he's not the Midoriya he once was. He has accepted that. And now he felt it time to go.
"Izuku..." the boy calls. "Izuku please what's going on?"
Izuku can only smile. "Like I said. If you see me. Please do me a favour?" The red and white boy jumps up after the ghost. "Yes? Anything." He exclaimed.
"Let me go. Live your life. I'll wait for you. If you don't, I won't be mad. But try for me-"
"I'll refuse Izuku. I can see you, I will find you! I will save you."
"Oh sho..."