Chapter 5
𝑃𝐴𝑅𝐾 𝑆𝑂𝑂𝐻𝑌𝑈𝑁
You know that thing when people tell you the same stuff over and over again until you start to believe it... Well, it is kind of true. For a short while. In my case, I believed it for a day then got over it as soon as another dawn broke.
Growing up, I got used to be called conceited just because I was confident, and frankly, I could not see anything wrong with that. What would I even do with insecurity? My parents raised me well, I knew it. There was nothing wrong with me. Of course, I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't someone people thought I was.
Taehyung was just another person who judged me based on a few interactions then concluded he disliked me. Idiot. Did he think I wouldn't be able to handle his insult and I would sulk forever? I could perfectly live with that. I survived many years living with the fact I could not possibly get along with everyone, and they would eventually stab me in the back. Too bad I learned it from my own experience. Fake friends. Fucking envious bunch of people...
I didn't know what just went wrong at that time with Kim Taehyung. I approached him nicely. I asked a few questions which until now I couldn't find rude, too. I was just genuinely curious about Jungkook. That was all. In what way did I come off delusional and self-centered? I might start to think Taehyung was infuriated with me because I chose to hit on his friend instead. Or whatsoever. I really didn't want to create a rift with Taehyung because at some point I used to adore him in med school because he was cute. I didn't adore him that way. Everyone seemed to like him then; he was too friendly.
It was early Tuesday morning when I woke up and prepared myself for my duty. I didn't bring my car with me since Dad was in good mood and he offered to drive me to work. At 4 AM, I started collecting vitals and labs for every patient I had who were also my attending's patients which was why I would get so keen about making the progress notes. I visited each one of them for my ICU rounding with an attending surgeon and two interns.
By the time I craved for something to drink, I was done with my early morning task so I dashed downstairs to pick up takeaway coffees. It had become a ritual to order two. Not that I drank too much caffeine a day. Of course, the other one was for Jungkook. I knew he liked coffee because if he didn't, he would have sent back the morning coffees I kept offering him with the help of the janitor assigned in their department. I never got to hear what he thought about it since we didn't have the chance to see each other around, but I was told he was thankful. Look at the bright side.
However, I also thought he could have texted me... He had my phone number. If he really wanted to thank me, even out of courtesy if not affection, he could have sent a single-word reply. Heck, I'd even take 'thnx'.
I didn't want to be the one to initiate. I mean, I still had a bit of pride intact with me. Would I really want to tell my future children that I texted him first?
Besides, expressing his gratitude for a coffee would make a great conversation starter.
"It started with morning coffees." I could imagine myself saying that when I'd be asked how it all began between us. But no, I was just leading myself on. Do I really need to make myself clear to him? He should have figured it all out by now.
Well, I was tempted to ask Jungkook again for a coffee date, which he completely forgot I guess. The idea must have been discarded into the trash of my hopeless dreams. On the other hand, I planned to throw myself into work in a blatant attempt to remind myself I wasn't here for a guy. A guy that was apparently Jeon Jungkook.
I needed to think that my world doesn't revolve around him.
A guy can wait, the patients can't. Someone as hardworking as Jungkook would be turned off if he knew I was just being pretty all the time. And if ever he was interested in career-driven women, he could consider me.
I took a sip of the coffee that the barista handed over before searching for the janitor who was a clueless accessory to my little ways of pursuing the love of my life.
. . .
"Will you come?" Jaehyun looked at me expectantly as he rolled the sleeves of his light blue shirt up to his arms, revealing his Apple watch. He was a third-year resident in my team, and though he couldn't keep his mouth shut most of the time, I really liked his personality. The others were also prepping themselves for something tonight. Even the female doctors who complained about my fabulous fashion choice got all worked up in dolling up. I could feel that things were going smooth between us and the tension had slowly submerged ever since I started giving them makeup tips.
"Where to?" I asked, doing my makeup touch-up. I was getting ready to leave after a 14-hour shift, and my legs hurt for standing and walking too much. I needed a full-body massage this week. Or a lavender milk bath tonight.
"Tuesday night out. Lots of beer."
"And wake up with a terrible hangover tomorrow?" I said with a half-smile.
"It makes the job more interesting. Nothing beats the tirade that the attending gives you while you're still dizzy to even do the rounds, right?"
I grinned.
He walked to my direction and put his arm over my shoulder, tilting his head to look down at me. I had no problem with him being touchy though we just had just started to work as a team for over a month, as long as he wouldn't do it with malice. "Thank you. So are you coming with us? Come on, you haven't had the chance to drink with us since you worked here."
"Tell you what, I'd rather sleep through my stress tonight. I don't want to start my day tomorrow with a headache." I shrugged off his arm and grabbed my bag.
"Just a few sips won't do you bad."
I shook my head. "Still a no. Have fun."
He looked defeated when he realized he couldn't make me go. "Aw, don't you know that this hangout brings the team closer?"
"I have years ahead to do that." I looked over at Dr. Yang Mina who had been brushing her hair to make it even more straighter. She had a long, smooth hair that sways past her shoulders which I was willing to trade with my favorite shoes. She smiled a little when she noticed I was looking.
I strode out the door right after I said my goodbye's as they still insisted I should go. I didn't need beer. As much as I wanted to hang out with my colleagues, tending to consults in the ER sucked the energy out of me. My mom even mentioned my skin was getting bad due to stress lately.
I was walking down the hall toward the huge entrance of the hospital when I saw through the glass doors a group of people standing outside while the rain was pouring down heavily. Shit. I didn't bring my car with me. I needed to wait for a taxi. I contemplated if I should go back to the staff room and ask someone who could take me home, but I didn't want to trouble anyone at this hour.
Should I call Dad?
I mentally shook my head as I passed through the exit and stared at the scene in front of me with slumped shoulders. I should have brought an umbrella. But I had a rain check earlier this morning and it didn't have a notice that there would be torrential rains tonight. Climate change sucks.
I could phone Jimin, but I remembered he was staying at his bachelor's pad. It would usually take a few negotiations before my twin brother would agree to do a favor.
My eyes darted to the group who was talking and laughing at the far side. I squinted for clarity — is that? He sure looked like him.
He was wearing a black turtleneck under his grey coat, and don't even get me started on his hair. It was slicked neat that for a brief second I thought his hair must have been grasped at the crown of his head using a tie. He turned to a colleague and I got to see the view of his side profile, showing a new detail in him. Wait, when did he have that little man bun?
Oh, my God. He looks... Wow.
My heart started to do weird flips so I looked away and kept it cool. He still had that effect on me. It hadn't changed I felt like bawling my eyes out. Med school Jeon Jungkook era tripped me over and I still couldn't even get up.
What should I do? Staring back to where Jungkook was standing, I panicked when we suddenly met gazes. I thought he might have looked awkward, a strained expression plastered on his face. But then the next second a kind smile was playing in his lips.
Lucky bastard got the best smile.
It occurred to my mind that I could ask him for a real coffee date this time. Dinner date, preferably. Never mind the coffee romance for my first ever official date. Or the early beauty rest I opted for tonight. Only that the doctors with him were stopping me. They looked like as if they were going somewhere together.
Why is the universe always conspiring against my plans?
The more accurate question would be: why can't I have what I want?
I waved my hand at him and grinned. Jungkook's colleagues must have noticed he had his attention on something else so they followed the path of his gaze and saw me standing there alone. I suddenly felt embarrassed to be the center of attraction, but I believed I look good enough, so there wasn't anything to be embarrassed about. I lifted my chin and blew out a sigh to gain my confidence back.
My eyes drifted back to the road and there was a taxi approaching. I should go home. But then as I looked back at Jungkook, he was already coming towards me. He's coming closer... Was Jungkook messing with my decisions in life?
My Elizabeth Arden perfume should not disappoint me in front of this man.
"Doctor Park Soohyun," he said when he got nearer and stopped in his tracks, his hands digging into the pockets of his coat. I checked him out subtly from head to toe, and he didn't let me down. He had always been this fashionable and low-key sophisticated since we were Medical students. I took in the sight and added this moment to an imaginary folder in my head — my favorite JJK outfits. I liked him more in his scrubs and doctor's coat, though.
I wasn't surprised local brands took him to model for their products. Anything looks gorgeous on him.
"Hey," was only what I could muster. I was feeling nervous especially when he was around, this close. I only prayed for this kind of interaction back then, and now I was living my dreams. "You make him sound like a prince," rang in my head out of the blue. Jimin, shut up.
He gestured the taxi which took in other passengers. That ride should have been mine if it wasn't for Jungkook. "Are you going home already?" he asked me.
I nodded. "Yep. And you?"
"We're going out for a drink."
"That's great. Your day must have been stressful."
"You bet. And as your colleague," How I wish we'd get past that label soon, "I'm inviting you to come with us. Nite Life tonight."
Nite Life was just situated on my way home... He could give me a ride home if I agreed to his invite. He's inviting me for a drink. Was this the date that I had been asking for? But I didn't want a bar date. This also meant we're not alone. Together. That wasn't exactly what I had been expecting.
And it would be hypocritical of me to come with them when I had refused to hang out with my team.
All for this guy...
I smiled at Jungkook. "Sure, I won't stay long, though."
His lips harboured a smile. "Of course. We won't mind."
"I'm not sure if the others would like my presence..." I said carefully. Especially your best friend, I wanted to tell him. Kim Taehyung was watching me as Jungkook and I were approaching them. I was hesitant to meet his eyes. After all the words he told me, I wasn't sure if I was thrilled enough to have interaction with him.
Seriously, Soohyun? Since when did you care?
"Don't worry about them. They're nice," he assured me. Jungkook introduced me to his team and I could not ignore the meaningful glances they shared with each other. What if that was a sign that I wasn't wanted here? I faced Jungkook and he seemed uncomfortable. I heard someone whisper, "Is that the doctor who sent him coffee every morning?"
I almost froze in my spot.
Cars pulled up in front of us and Jungkook's team split in pairs. Jungkook took out an umbrella from his huge backpack and ushered me to walk with him under the protection. I raised my brows. "Are we going to commute?"
"Nope. My car's parked. We need to get there."
Wait — I would be riding his car?
Excitement coursed through my body and I was overwhelmed by the feeling. Never did I imagine I would experience this now. I didn't think I still want that full-body massage. This chance was a perfect way to de-stress.
I glanced at Taehyung who climbed into his colleague's vehicle. "Why is Taehyung not coming with us?"
"Will you feel safe if I tag him along?"
I panicked. He got the wrong idea. "No, I was just asking. I don't mean it that way."
Jungkook smiled. "I know we're still strangers to each other. But you can be comfortable with me. We're associates, after all. And we've been to the same med school so I guess we should be at least well acquainted." He chuckled. "But of course you can be honest and refuse to go with us if you feel burdened or if you have something else to do. I'll surely don't mind."
How could I say no? This was the best time to get to know him more. Although there was something at the back of my mind that was telling me he was just being nice. Taehyung could have not possibly told Jungkook about our conversation, right? I doubted if Jungkook had an idea about it. If he had, therefore he knew what went wrong between me and Taehyung. And he might not even talk to me. This night didn't mean anything else.
Jungkook was probably not the type to lead someone on, either. I had been thinking highly of him through the years and there was nothing he did or I'd heard of which changed that.
I found myself sitting in Jungkook's car as he maneuvered down the slippery road. Music was playing and I wondered if he turned it on to allude he didn't want to talk. I was very self-conscious and little did he know I was discreetly observing his movement. I perfectly mastered the act. His gaze, tilting of his head, his hands. I wanted to know if he was doing the same. I needed to see the signs that he was at least a bit interested in me.
I got bored waiting for him to start a chat with me that was why I decided to cut through the stilted air. "Jungkook?"
Finally, his eyes landed on me. "Yeah?"
"Do you want to eat ramen with me after drinking?" I asked. I really had this feeling that he was somewhat avoiding my invitation to hang out alone with me like it was a crime, but it was getting confusing when he had just asked me to join them tonight.
He looked stunned. I watched him gulp and fiddle around with the steering wheel. I wondered how would my words get him tense, but then it dawned the question was weirdly phrased.
I said in alarm, "No, it's not what you think. We'll just eat." Did he just immediately deem it as an insinuation of sex? Oh, my God. I was so embarrassing. I sat back in silence, my eyes focused outside.
"Of course... I figured as much," Jungkook replied in a calm manner. "I don't think I can. Maybe next time?"
Again?
How many next time's would come before he gave in to a simple request?
I wanted to ask why, but that might annoy him.
"Okay," I said, smiling.
. . .
"I'll pay for your drink," Jungkook offered as I sat at the table with him, Taehyung and Min Yoongi.
I was quick to shake my head. "It's fine. Thank you but I'll pay for my own." I saw Kim Taehyung raise a brow at me as I told that. I did the same. What was this guy implying? Just because I was crazy about his friend, didn't mean I'd be very thrilled for him to buy me something that I could definitely afford.
"No, please let me do this. I feel indebted because of the coffees."
My mood drastically took a turn with what I heard. I was offended. "I didn't send you coffees to downplay the idea that you owe me something... There's no need to feel indebted, much less give anything in return," I voiced out.
Okay, maybe there was one thing I was wishing he would reciprocate, but it could not be bought.
"At least let me buy you a drink. I invited you here, after all."
God. I hoped I was wrong. Did he just tag me along so he could pay for what I gave willingly to him? Not because he genuinely wanted my presence? No, Soohyun. You're overthinking.
"Fine," I answered though I still felt hesitant.
Jungkook flashed me a cheeky grin. "Perfect."
I asked for piña colada and our drinks were served after a few minutes. Jungkook was sitting next to me and I would look at him whenever he laughed as I got into the conversation. I was having so much fun, and double it up because my first love was right here, giggling by my side. I struggled not to hold him because it was greatly tempting to reach for his hand that was resting on his lap.
I felt like crying.
I really liked him so intensely that I refused to believe this wasn't a dream.
The topic switched to something else which didn't concern me so I asked Jungkook how he was doing instead.
"I've been staying at the trauma center lately. You will get to see the most common orthopedic injuries there. But today I was stationed at the ER. It was draining."
I gave him a smile. "Well, at least you still look good. Not everyone can pull that off after an exhausting situation," I stated with a light, teasing tone. I watched him carefully as he lifted his brows, an amused smile spreading across his face. I didn't know how to decipher that reaction.
"Thank you."
"Don't mention it. It's a fact."
"Not that... I mean, the coffees you sent to me every morning. I was always surprised and I am sort of curious why."
I like you, duh.
"It's nothing. I am being thoughtful to an acquaintance." Right. Take it slow. I wouldn't tell him yet and I would let Jungkook learn on his own what I was actually doing. Even a dense person could take the hints. He wasn't stupid.
I just wanted to establish a connection. Sending coffees was the starting point.
I also asked Taehyung and Yoongi how they have been so it would not be too obvious I was only curious about Jungkook. Both of them answered me politely but I could not ignore the gleam of entertainment in Taehyung's eyes. Was it to tell I was so busted now?
I got thirsty for another drink so I excused myself and made my way over to the bar counter. I situated on a stool and called for the tall man who looked too stylish for a bartender. He gave me a dimpled smile before making my drink in front of me.
"I saw you come in earlier. I found you very attractive. I'm Kim Namjoon, by the way. I look twenty but I'm actually thirty-two, going thirty-three."
I ignored the irrelevant things he mentioned. "You've got a good taste."
"Perhaps I can get your number?" When he was done, he handed the cocktail glass over to me. I said thank you while rolling my eyes.
"Do you flirt with every customer that goes here?"
"Not if they don't pique my interest. And it is very rare to happen."
I instantly smelled bullshit. I was accustomed to men who thought they were cool and romantic when they said things like this. I was never swept off my feet by other guys who weren't Jungkook. Take that, Jeon. I've been faithful to you even if we weren't even acquaintances.
"I'm a doctor." A lot of men get intimidated when I tell them my job.
He cocked up a brow, his face telling me as if my profession was not a bit of a big deal. He leaned over the counter. "I own this bar. I'm a successful, young entrepreneur. I go to graduate school for my MBA."
I did not expect his arrogance would go this far.
"I didn't tell you to hit on me."
"Why, you have a boyfriend?"
"Not yet."
"Someone's pursuing you?"
I paused. It took me awhile to answer. "It's the other way around, actually. But we'll be together."
He looked surprised. "Wow... Goodluck."
I forced a smile and downed my glass of piña colada. "Thanks." He offered me another refill, saying it's on the house but I strongly refused.
"You're going on dates with him?"
"We're still getting to know each other." I couldn't understand why I was telling this to a stranger, but soon I realized I needed an outlet. I didn't open up this thing to anyone that much.
"But he isn't asking you out yet?"
I stiffened. "He still doesn't realize that he likes me."
"So you're saying you're a poem but he's Jared, nineteen?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Oh, nevermind." Kim Namjoon laughed. "But just a friendly reminder... Men don't like it when women chase after them like a schoolgirl, because where's the thrill in that? It's in their nature."
That idea didn't sit well with me.
"Are you telling me I should just sit around and wait? I should spend my life making things happen for myself. I take actions," I protested.
Shrugging his shoulders, he explained, "I'm thinking you're the aggressive type... I guess that's good. But in this? I don't think so. If you're the one who pursues, and he only lets you chase him, don't you think he's just not that into you?"
"Excuse me?"
"I don't know about you. It's just what I think."
"I don't care about what you think. Aren't you a bit sexist? You're implying women should just be pretty and whatnot while guys get to pick? Bullshit. Get rid of that Stone Age mentality. We can be go-getters."
I just thought if he wasn't into me, I shouldn't sit around, hoping he would. I would take control of my life. I was too worthy to just wait and waste time. Like my mom would always say, we're fantastic.
"I know it's infuriating. But trust me, chasing a guy doesn't always mean you'll get him in the end. If you're really that confident, then why isn't he doing anything yet?" Damn this guy. That actually stung! "I'm just trying to explain how men lose interest when they know they can easily catch you."
"So, we're some kind of fun and games?"
"I didn't say anything like that. I guess our arguments stops here. It's fun talking to you."
"For the record, I did not have fun."
"That's sad. I still find you attractive, though."
I mulled over Kim Namjoon's words for a moment, but I soon shoved them to the back of my mind. Even still, the doubt did not dissipate.
. . .
He was right. Why was Jungkook not doing anything when I was already hinting on my feelings? The thought spiraled in my head until everyone decided to head home.
"You want me to hail you a cab?" Jungkook asked me and it caught the attention of his teammates.
"Seriously, Jungkook? Why don't you just give her a ride home?" Yoongi loudly commented and the others began teasing us... What was going on? I saw Jungkook's face turn sour as if he didn't like what they were doing. Or was it all about the sole idea of me? But I was likeable!
Jungkook sighed and mumbled to me, "Which way is your place?"
I inhaled, pointing to the right. "It's not that far." I didn't intend to make that sound so desperate. "If you're just feeling pressured, don't be. I can commute." Chewing on my lip, I stared hard at his tense face. My high from the night began to fade the moment I realized he wasn't so excited about the idea of taking me home.
"That makes me feel bad. Your house is not in the direction of my house but I'll pretend it is." This makes me feel bad about myself, Jungkook. "Come. I'll be fast so you can take a rest."
He stepped toward his car and I followed suit.
After he had climbed into the vehicle, I opened the car door on the front passenger's side and I had no idea why his mouth pulled into a grin. Don't give me that look! You were just upset earlier and now you're confusing me again. It might be wrong to make assumptions based on the way he was looking at me right now, but I couldn't help it.
We arrived at our house after fifteen minutes and I told him to pull over not too close from the gate. I was worried my parents could see us. I checked the time. It was after nine. Mom would be leaving for her Pilates night session with her doctor friends. She was a cosmetic surgeon and she was sharp on keeping her figure tight and slim even she was already in her fifties. She had always believed women should grow old gracefully.
"Goodnight, Doctor Park Soohyun," Jungkook spoke with gentle in his voice. Or was it just his sleepy tone?
I stepped out of the car and thanked him for giving me a ride. "Just call me Soohyun,"
"Alright. But I won't be calling you that at work."
I smiled, nodding my head. "Okay." I thought of something to say before he could leave. I wanted to prolong the time between us but I didn't want to hold him back because he seemed tired. "Jungkook."
"Yes?"
"Your man bun makes you a thousand times more attractive. Sleep tight." Jungkook seemed taken aback. He could not answer at once, his mouth gaping a bit.
I chuckled and strutted away, but even if I got farther from him, I still heard him softly say, "Thank you, Soohyun."
When I went inside, my heart was hammering inside my chest. I couldn't breathe properly. Only Jeon Jungkook could make me feel this way. This was killing me.
I got confused when I saw Jimin's car in the garage. As soon as I pushed the main door open, my brother welcomed me with a question. "I heard a car pull up. Who dropped you off? You didn't bring a car."
"Just someone from work."
"Is this someone from work a woman?"
"Why are you curious?"
"I don't think it's wrong to check on my younger sister."
"We're twins, in case you forgot."
"Same thing. I'm still older than you. So, who was that?"
"It's Jungkook," I replied with honesty. There was no use in hiding it. He would eventually know, anyway.
Curiosity was flaring in his eyes. "How on earth—"
I made an annoyed expression. "Why do you sound like it's the most impossible thing to happen?"
"Because it is. Last time I checked, you couldn't even confess and he didn't even remember you."
"We're workmates so we kinda got to know each other."
"To the extent of taking you home." Jimin pursed his lips in a thin line, his gaze stern.
"We're 29. You're not supposed to meddle with stuffs like this. So what if he took me home? He was being nice."
"Is he leading you on?"
"Ask him. How am I supposed to know? Don't tell me you're infuriated with the guy. You haven't even met him."
"I don't know... I just have a bad feeling about this."
I laughed. "Silly. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm an adult so there's nothing I can't handle. I won't be hurt or anything."
"This stupid and childish one-sided love bullshit has been hurting you for years. Use your brain. You know I'm right."
"This is why I hate having you home." I rolled my eyes skyward. "Why are you even here? You're supposed to be staying in your place." Jimin rolled his eyes at me and shoved his hand into the pocket of his sweatpants before leaving me and trudging up the stairs.
"You're not the only child, brat."