"I was thinking about going to see Madam Pomfrey."
Draco looked up in alarm at Blaire's unexpected announcement.
He hadn't really been listening to her; exhausted after having pulled another all nighter on the cabinet. The tea Longbottom had made him sat long since forgotten about at the bottom of his trunk whilst he spent day in and day out desperately trying to fix that fucking cabinet before time ran out.
But something in the tone of his best friend's voice had drawn his attention, and concern flooded him at once for her wellbeing.
"Why?" he frowned, searching her face for any sign of sickness. "Are you ill?"
But she didn't look ill at all. In fact, Draco realised, he had never seen her look happier or more radiant in her life. He had to push down the desire to grab her and kiss her right there in front of everyone.
"No, Drac," she tutted as she rolled her eyes, "I just think we should be more... careful... you know?"
"Be more careful about what?"
Blaire let out an exasperated sigh as she gave him a long and pointed look. But Draco was baffled. And normally he could read her so well; but his mind was fuzzy from lack of sleep.
"She means," Theo drawled lazily from across the table, "she doesn't want any mini Malfoy's stuffing up her education and ruining that damn hot figure of hers."
"Keep your fucking nose out of our business, Nott," Draco snarled angrily, throwing a piece of toast at his head.
"Well, he's got a point," Blaire shrugged, when he turned questioningly back to look at her to see if there was any truth in Theo's insinuation.
Panic filled his mind. The birthday thing was supposed to have been a one off that he hadn't even intended to do in the first place. But he'd wanted her so much that night; well - he wanted her all the time, but he had to put her safety first which is why he shouldn't be encouraging sex to happen between them.
He couldn't allow her to be implicated in any of this crap; including knowing that he had been forced into becoming a Death Eater. Draco had made a promise to himself that she wouldn't ever find out, which was a little difficult to do if they involved themselves in activities which involved him taking his shirt off.
And she wasn't stupid; he could hardly keep on blindfolding her or insisting they do it only in the dark without arousing suspicion.
So, naturally, the easiest thing to do was to distance himself from her by keeping himself constantly busy in the Room of Requirement.
He knew he should cut himself off from her completely to be kinder, but he just couldn't bring himself to severe her from his life entirely.
But now here she was, talking about contraception as though she expected them to fall into a 'normal' relationship, where they would spend their free time having 'normal' regular sex and taking 'normal' romantic strolls by the lake.
Fat chance of that, he thought wryly, his free time was spent plotting a fucking murder.
He felt the dull ache in his heart when he thought about that bracelet he had given her, and the empty links that were waiting to be filled with new mementoes of her life.
Because of course he wished it could be their memories; their story.
But his future had already been written out for him thanks to his fucktard father, and it was looking bleak as fuck.
Blaire deserved better than him, better than the life he could ever offer her.
"Are you alright, Drac?" she asked, her voice bringing him out of his dark and brooding thoughts.
He looked up at her, not knowing what to say; hating the way she was looking at him with those dark soulful eyes.
Hating himself.
"Drac?"
But he didn't answer, already getting to his feet and walking away from her like the pathetic friend he truly was.
******
I felt utterly confused by Draco's reaction.
Actually, I felt fucking hurt.
He disappeared on me for the rest of the day; skipping classes and lunch. When the teachers asked me where he was, I covered for him, telling them he was ill so he could evade detention.
When dinnertime rolled around and he still hadn't shown, I started to feel a panic stir in my chest.
I began asking down the table to see if anyone had seen him, but all I got was gormless shakes of the head.
"He's probably just sulking in his room again," Pansy muttered, unbothered. "It's all he ever seems to do these days; sulk. I can't believe I'm saying this but you should probably just stick with Longbottom. At least he knows how to crack a smile once in a while."
"If you must know," I snapped, feeling defensive on his behalf, "Drac's going through some tough shit at the moment what with his father being banged up in Azkaban, so some support from his friends wouldn't go amiss."
"Friends?!" Pansy scoffed, emitting a loud bark of laughter. "Please - he only ever showed interest in me when he wanted to shove his tongue down my throat. And then, instead of telling me it was over, he started screwing you behind my back! And surprise, surprise, he's got bored of that now and has left you high and dry as you literally run around after his cowardly, pathetic arse."
I hated that her words cut me deep. Hated the hurt and panic that was starting to consume me. But I refused to believe Draco would just turn his back completely on me without good reason. The bracelet on my wrist told me exactly how much our friendship meant to him.
I just couldn't understand why my talk of contraception had made him react that way. I knew he'd been busy in the weeks that followed my birthday, but I didn't think it was an entirely implausible idea that we'd do it again.
"Come on," Neville said, frog marching me up to the hospital wing when I confided in him later that night. "I don't care what he does or doesn't say; clearly, when it comes down to it, you two can't keep your hands off one another. So I say it's better to be safe than sorry."
"Funny," I mused sadly as we sat waiting for Madam Pomfrey to finish rifling through her contraceptive cupboard, "last time I did this it was Draco himself who accompanied me right before I was about to do the deed with Cedric."
"You did not!" Neville gasped his jaw dropping open as he leant forward in his chair. "I mean, I knew you dated him but how am I only hearing about this now? Was he good? I've always imagined he has a disgustingly massive cock."
"I wouldn't know," I shrugged, "I never went through with it."
"Girl," Neville spluttered, "were you blind?!"
"Actually, yes I was." I stated, drumming my fingernails on the side of my chair. "And then I finally opened my eyes and saw what a pushy disgusting vile pig he really was. Not to mention the fact that he wears a special cologne for 'love making'."
Neville gave a horrified shudder. "Ew. Who the hell does that?"
"Cedric Diggory, apparently." I deadpanned, my mind still on Draco and wondering where he'd got to.
"I once did a guy who asked me to talk dirty to him in an Irish accent." Neville said casually.
I immediately ceased the drumming of my fingernails.
"And did you?" I asked, my interest piqued.
"Well yeah, sometimes you've just gotta do what you gotta do to get some cock around here. Unfortunately though, my Irish accent ended up sounding like Hagrid with a Jamaican twang."
"So it wasn't a success, then?"
"On the contrary," Neville chortled, his eyes glinting wickedly into mine, "it seemed to drive him utterly crazy. Practically begged me to meet up again and do that accent. But I didn't think I could continue to look Hagrid in the eye if I did. So I had to let him down gently."
"Wow." I said, my eyes widening at the juiciness, "So, tell me then, which guy has Neville Longbottom managed to help draw out their fetish for giant hairy gamekeepers?"
"Soz," he smirked, sitting back and pulling an imaginary zip across his lips. "I don't dick and tell."
"That's not fair!" I cried, leaning across to smack him on the arm. "I've shared loads with you!"
"Oh, go on then," Neville said, scooting his chair closer to mine so he could lower his voice. "It was-"
"Here we are my dearies!" Madam Pomfrey bustled in cheerily, clutching a large needle in her hand. "Luckily, I had one left. It's been nonstop demand since Dumbledore had the condom machine removed from the prefects bathroom. I keep telling him, students are not going to stop having sex just because self protection aids are no longer at their immediate disposal."
I never did get to find out who Neville had fantasy gamekeeper sex with, because the second Madam Pomfrey removed the injection from my arm, a commotion occurred which put all thoughts of scandalous trysts out of my mind.
For Snape had burst in through the doors and, as my eyes fell to the limp figure he had clutched in his arms, terror washed over me, freezing my heart and turning my stomach to ice.
A boy; a beautiful boy whose body had somehow been violently shredded and torn into a mangled bloody mess.
Draco.
*****