"Make sure we have enough stock to see us through the transition" I tell Pauly. He is one of my oldest friends and I trust him with something as important as this.
"Vinny, where are we with the recruitment of soldiers?" I ask as I light up a cigarette and take a deep breath in - this calms me. I love Vinny, he is my cousin but he is green. He needs to get more stripes to move up, he will make sure he does, but I can't be easy on him.
"They are nearly ready, some of them have excellent potential to appoint as head of a unit, which is promising, all are new from families loyal to you" He says it with conviction. Part of me is proud but I can't show it.
"Good, have them ready for me tomorrow to inspect them, this has to go smoothly, I can't afford any mistakes." I down my glass of whisky.
"How are you feeling about the wedding?" asks Pauly
"I dunno" I respond rubbing my fingers on the bridge of my nose "She's.... She's strong willed, she doesn't bend for me, she will be firm, part of me thinks she will snap but she doesn't, she stands her ground, she surprises me".
"And how will she be for council" asks Pauly topping up my drink and pouring one for himself and Vinny
"My father as you know didn't want us to have a council, he thought it made men seem weak, he instilled that in me. My mother wasn't strong, she was not born to be council, he manipulated her to make the decisions to the point where she became obsolete and that WAS my intention for Emilia..."
"But...?" Vinny asked
"But she is nothing like my mother, she was taught from a young age how council works, she descends from the first council she has her own power. She solved this issue with the ball with her words when I wanted to solve it with a bullet. It scares me, the hold she has over me, something pulls me into her like a moth to a flame and I can not afford to be burnt, so I have pulled away from her. I see how unhappy she is, she isn't eating, how she rarely smiles unless she is with Marco-"
"Do you suspect anything between them?" questions Pauly
"At first I trusted no one with her even Marco but now...No, Marco has been with me since I was a child, he taught me more than my father did in many ways, he protected me when I couldn't protect myself and that's now what he does for her. I trust him completely. He makes her happy"
That was hard for me to admit, that another man can make her happy but I know that is my fault. The night off the ball the time we spent with each other runs through my mind everyday, I question my decision to not let her stay with me.
"What about us?" laughed Pauly
"What about you two?" I took a long toke on my cigarette
"What about us with her, do you trust us?"
"FUCK NO!" I coughed up the smoke laughing "put it this way I trust Marco with her no one else"
"What about yourself?" asked Vinny.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I woke up the next morning and headed towards the kitchen. I could hear her laugh, it made my heart ache that it wasn't me making her laugh. I envied the relationship she had developed with Marco and that we didn't have that with each other, that I hadn't taken the time to make her laugh. I waited to have her and now I worry I wont be able to make her happy.
Part of me wanted to punish Marco but I couldn't do that to her... or to him. I regret how I was with him in Sicily, he has my respect and he deserved better than that, he did nothing wrong, I just see red when it comes to Emilia.
"And then, he put a bucket on his head and started walking around, the little monster walked straight into the wall and burst out laughing, he is mad" Marco said laughing
I paused for a moment listening to her laughing imagining how she looked.
I needed to leave the house today to meet the new recruits. I need an army for what I am planning, I need an army and I need her. I wanted to keep her out of this but I can't as much as I wanted her to have no part of this, but I needed her with me, as my future wife and council, she needs to come with me too.
I walk into the kitchen. She looks at me and her face drops and she slowly stops laughing.
FUCK what have I done? Is this the effect I have on her? It feels like a knife in the chest. I have to change not just for this plan but for her, she deserves to laugh everyday to be happy, to feel how I feel for her, I want her to look at me and smile when I walk into a room, I want her to love me, no I need her to love me, she is all I want.
"Marco, we need to go to the camp" I say pouring myself a coffee
"Yes Don Lorenzo, when do we need to leave?"
Emilia gets up from her seat and heads out of the kitchen
"Emilia" I call to her
"What Lorenzo?" she says with no feeling, I hate myself for how she is towards me
"You will be coming too"
I see a glint in her eye she looks at Marco and then back to me she looks confused
"really? You want me to come?" She asks.
"Yes, we will be leaving in 1 hour, this is important, I need you there"
She looks shocked that I admitted that
"Okay" she says as she turns and walks out of the kitchen, and for the briefest moment I could have sworn I saw the smallest smile appear on her face.