Once I wake up I check the time on Carters phone to see it had just gone 6am. I sigh and roll over and put my head on Carters chest.
"Are you going to be okay?" Carter asks and I look up.
"I guess so." I say shrugging.
"You'll be fine this time. It won't be long and you'll get to see James ." He says and I sigh.
"I am not looking forward to that the most." I say and he kisses my forehead.
"Are you packed?" He asks and I nod.
"I am." I say and he wraps his arms around me.
"I think you should go get ready." He says and I nod sighing.
"Hey can we go to the warehouse first." I say sitting up and Carter furrows his eyebrows.
"You know, to calm my nerves." I say and he laughs.
"Of course." He says kissing my forehead and I climb out of bed and head to my room.
I head to my room where I then have a shower. Once I get out of the shower I blow dry and straighten my hair. I then head into my closet and choose out an outfit.
It was a nude colour shorts with a matching blazer and a white shirt tucked in. I once I did the matching belt I took a deep breath before doing my makeup. I do my makeup the same almost every morning.
I then put on my Dior nude heels and my Dior necklace when there was a knock at the door.
"Zua bagagem, por favor, senhorita Fernandez." He says and I quickly give him my suitcase and smile at him as he leaves. (Your luggage please miss Fernandez.)
I make my bed and spray my perfume. I grab my white Saint Laurent bag on a chain and sigh. I put my phone in the bag along with a few other things before heading downstairs.
I head down the stairs and into the dinning room. I sit down with some coffee and have some breakfast. After breakfast I turn to Carter and he nods.
"We have some quick business to attend, we'll uh meet you at the airport." Carter says making everyone confused.
"What business?" Marco asks.
"Nothing you have to worry about." Carter says as he gently pushes me out of the room.
Once we get to the warehouse someone opens the door for me.
"Bem vinda de volta senhorita fernandez." The familiar man says as I smile.
"Obrigado Luiz." I say making him smile. I wait for Carter to get by my side before we head on in.
"I actually need to give you your buisness phone." Carter says and I nod.
I speak to quite a few of our men before heading into the office with Carter.
"I set it up so you're in every single group chat and all of that." Carter says and I thank him and put it in my bag.
"Do you feel better now?" He asks and I take a deep breath and I nod.
We speak to a few more people before leaving and heading to the airport. Carter pulls up by everyone elses cars.
"Obrigado." I say as one of the men open the door for me.
I walk to the front of the car where I hug Carter.
"Call me if you get any closer to finding her." I say and he nods.
"Of course I will. Call me if you need me." He says and I nod smiling.
He kisses my forehead and I turn around and look at the private jet and feel sick instantly.
"You'll be fine. I promise." Carter says and I nod.
"Nice for you to finally join us Lara." Jax says as I make my way to the steps.
"I'm a busy women." I joke and start walking up the steps.
I walk into the familiar jet and sigh looking around and instead of seeing the Amara, Gio and Matteo sat talking.
I could just see and feel Alannah. We are on this jet once every month. I could hear her soft little snores, her little giggles the cute way she talks.
I put my hands over my mouth taking in a deep breath when someone touches my shoulder.
"Are you okay?" His voice says and I stiffen.
"I'm fine." I say and take a seat in my normal seat.
Once we took of I felt ten times worse. I felt trapped and suffocated. I couldn't even hear what anyone else was saying because all I could hear was Alannah.
I don't think I'll be able to deal with 8 hours on this plane.
"Lara." Gio says sitting beside me. I snap my head up from my hands to look at him.
"What's up?" I ask him and he furrows his eyebrows.
"Lara what's wrong?" He asks and I shake my head no and look out the window.
"You can talk to me, you know. I've always had your back." Gio says and I sigh.
"I know." I say not turning back to him.
About 3/4 of the journey was done and Jax sighs which makes me look up. He raises his eyebrows at me whilst making me furrow my own in confusion.
He hands his drink to Matteo and sits in the spare seat beside me.
"What's wrong? You haven't spoken for 6 hours. What's wrong?" He asks and the sound of Alannah crying runs shivers up my spine.
"You're shaking." Jax says holding my hands. "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?" He asks and I shake my head no and wipe away a tear as it quickly fell from my eye.
"Talk to me." He says and I shake my head no whilst looking at the floor.
"Is it me? Oh my god it's me isn't it?" He asks sounding quite sad.
"Its not you Jax." I say wiping away another tear.
He sighs and puts the cup holder between us up so it was no longer in the way.
He turns his body fully to me as he holds my hands infront of me in his one hand whilst he wipes away one of my tears with his thumb.
"Talk to me." He says softly.
"Can you make it stop?" I ask as my voice hitches. He puts his hands on either side of my face to make me look up at him.
"Make what stop?" He asks confused as I shiver at the sound of Alannah.
"I shouldn't of got on this plane Jax. I can't I can't focus." I say and tears instantly start running down my voice as I break down.
"Hey it's okay. Tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it." He says and I shake my head for no.
"Lara let me help you." He says wiping away my tears with both his thumbs.
"She's here with me Jax. I travel on this exact plane every single month. Everytime with Alannah and all I can hear is her voice, her laughs, her little snores. Jax it's all I can hear." I say breaking down under his hands.
"Its going to be okay. We're going to find her." He says but yet again all I hear is Alannah.
"Jax help her for fuck sake." Matteo says and Jax just looks at me sympathetically.
"I don't know how to." Jax says and I hear someone sigh but I didn't hear anything after that.
But it stopped. It all just stopped. I look at Jax to see him covering my ears with his hands.
"It'll be okay." He mouths to me whilst I quickly wipe away a tear.
****
I woke up to Amara softly shaking me.
"We're here." She says and I look up to see Jax sat beside me. I quickly remember my little break down from earlier and look in my camera of my phone and sigh. I grab my sunglasses from my bag and quickly cover my eyes immediately and take a deep breath as I collect myself and walk off of the plane.
I get into the back seat of a black SUV alongside Matteo. Jax then proceeds to sit in the front and Amara and Gio go in another car.
"We didn't think you'd wanna third wheel." Matteo says as I look out the window.
"Oh god no." I say and he laughs softly.
I watch oh the window all the way to Jax's house. Looking at all the places I enjoyed going.
"How do you feel?" Jax asks and I smile softly.
"It feels weird to be home." I say and he nods.
"I bet it does." Matteo says as I continue to keep looking out the window.
I step out of the SUV and look up at the all to familiar house. I stiffen up but someone puts their hand on my shoulder.
"I'll try to make it a quick visit." Jax says and I smile softly and take a deep breath before heading inside.
I was wondering around the house to look at the changes. Not a lot had changed in the several months I haven't been here.
"Mrs Fernandez it's so nice to see you again." A familiar voice says. I turn around and see Alfred the Ricci's butler.
"Alfred, the same goes." I say leaning in to hug him. We pull away from the hug and catch up before he had to do somethings.
I head upstairs to the top corridor. I walk across the long corridor to the two doors on the end.
I first tried Alannah's door but it was locked. Out of curiosity I then tried Jax's door.
I step into the room and look at the familiar room. I play with my necklace as I look around the room. It hadn't changed much, it was still basically black.
This room brought back a lot of happy moments, there was never a sad moment in here. I stood here with the biggest smile on my face whilst thinking about everything that's happened in this room.
"What are you doing?" Jax voice says from behind me.
"It hasn't changed in here, at all. Well except our things aren't here now." I say whilst looking around the room.
"We were only ever happy in here." Jax says standing beside me. I look up at him smiling softly.
"I forgive you. I know you're sorry for what happened Jax and couldn't control it either way. It was going to happen whether it was me or not. Stop beating yourself up over it." I say softly as I look around.
He's been amazing these past couple of weeks.
"You know now I'll be Alannah's legal father will you let me see her?" He asks and I smile at him and nod.
"She loves you like a father Jax. I'm sure she'll be thrilled and the fact you've helped as much as you have, proved you're worthy enough to be her father." I say and the biggest smile plasters across his face.
"Thank you." He says and I nod.
"Can I?" I ask gesturing to Alannah's door and he nods making me smile at him.
I open the door and take a death breath as I look around.
I walk over to her bed and pick up one of her stuffed animals. I get a whiff of Alannah which makes me smile.
"It still smells like her." I say turning to Jax who was stood by the door.
"I come in here when I need to think. She's like my daughter and one of the only things that calmed me down and think rationally after you guys left." He admits and I smile.
"You know when we first started dating, my biggest concern was you wouldn't be able to take care of Alannah. You're a successful business man, why would you want to take on a child that isnt yours?" I say flattening down the sleeves on his suit jacket.
"But all of this Jax. This makes me so happy. I'm glad that once she comes home, she'll have a father figure. And one who she truly loves." I say smiling as I walk past him.
We didn't have anything to do for the rest of the day, well I didn't.
Our meeting with David was postponed, Jax reckons it was because he doesn't know I'm here or that it involves Alannah. Just that its going to look bad.
I spent the rest of the evening with Amara in her room as she drank wine and eat ice cream, I just helped eat the ice cream. After watching about three films we said Goodnight and I went to my bed.
I got ready for bed in a guest room and lied down in the bed in the guest room.
But I couldn't sleep at all.