draco's pov
of course i'm lying. i think she can tell i am. i had almost convinced myself it was true, until she stepped into potions today. fuck, it felt good to see her.
but i had to be an asshole, because it's the only way i've found to cope.
push away, push away, push away.
if i just isolate myself, then no one else will get hurt. i'll put up a thousand walls around myself as long as it means she can't get in. because if she ever broke through to the other side... i don't even want to think of what would happen.
i have theo though, which is nice. he understands- somewhat. i couldn't talk about it with crabbe and goyle, seeing as they're complete knobheads. but theo and i, we're going through the same thing. i didn't tell him what... exactly... i have to do... but he knows it's something, and he knows i can't go it alone.
it was fine, the past month. i had convinced myself i had moved on, had even lost the urge to write to her every time he showed up at the manor, to tell her how broken i was, how much i was hurting... and ask her to fix it.
and then i smelt the potion. i smelt it while she was explaining it and i realized- it smells just like her. and then lies i'd been telling myself for the past month all started to crumble. every time i repeated in my mind, "the kiss was a mistake", "she probably hates you now", "you can't love her anymore, idiot, you'll just hurt her", all faded away, and all i could think about is how much i wish i could turn back time, to the night it all happened.
when she came running up to me that night, telling me she read the letter from my father, that she wanted to help me, i could've accepted it. i could've told her everything i had been holding in and she could've really helped. we could've gotten fucking potter to not go to the department of mysteries and then it wouldn't be my father's fault the prophecy got destroyed and then i wouldn't be in this goddamn mess.
but i can't turn back time, and now i'm stuck with this; lying to her, again. i'm adding on lie after lie, and each one hurts a little more than the last.
i don't love you
it's the hardest lie i've had to tell, and my heart breaks just saying it.
but she's lying too, even if she doesn't know it. she says she would love me no matter what but... she doesn't know who i've become. this fucking mark on my arm, it symbolizes everything she hates. if she knew... she wouldn't be screaming that she loves me.
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your pov
"what a little lying son of a bitch"
"his mum's actually quite nice-"
"shut up" daphne cuts me off, "he is- he is-" she's fuming, pacing around the dorm room, "i'm going to kill him at breakfast. i swear to it i-"
"daphne calm down" i stand up from my bed, placing my hands on her shoulders. she takes a few deep breaths, meeting my eyes, "he's just-"
"being a dick?"
"going through something"
we say in unison. daphne rolls her eyes and backs away, "you've got to stop making excuses for him-"
"you don't know what he's going through-"
"yeah? and neither do you!" she turns back to me, "because the prick's decided we're all on a need to know basis!" she shakes her head, sitting down on her trunk, "and it's an asshole thing to do to any of us but especially to you" she looks up at me, a frown on her face
"i just... i have to try-"
"you've tried, y/n-"
"i can try harder, he'll tell me-!"
"theo" daphne says, standing up suddenly, "that's it! pansy can get theo-"
"oh my god, no. we are not getting everyone involved-"
"maybe blaise knows" daphne continues, muttering to herself and completely ignoring my protests
"daphne whatever your planning stop it" she continues pacing, not looking over at me, "daphne?"
"i got it" she smiles, turning to face me, "a party"
"no-" i stop myself, looking at her for a second, and pausing, "...a party?"
"a party" she nods, "it's brilliant!"
"i'm not seeing it-"
"picture you and pansy all dressed up- i have a really tight, black-"
"daphne-"
"no, no, no, listen" she says confidently, "it'll be the perfect opportunity! he'll be distracted, probably drunk-"
"i'm not going to interrogate him while drunk-"
"ugh you're impossible" she rolls her eyes
"but a party does sound fun" i add, and her eyes light back up, a mischievous smile spreading across her face.
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"alright, how do i look?" i spin around to face the girls, wearing the short, black dress daphne's lent me. it's about a week and a half since she came up with the plan, and it's been an awful week and a half.
i think draco's gotten ruder. well, he's always been this rude, but never towards me. every time i see him in class, we're always just bickering with each other, throwing petty insults back and forth. he's in far too many of my classes, even astronomy... which i thought would be an escape. but no, apparently all of my help earned him an outstanding, and when i came down at 23:30 to go to class he was emerging from the boys staircase, all dressed up in his uniform.
"let's get this over with" he muttered, meeting my eyes for a second before stalking out of the common room. he's had similar sentiments the two times we've had patrols together, instantly splitting away from me whenever we came to a fork in the hallways.
but this party, this party is a chance to forget it all, even just for a second. i smooth down the dress one more time, and then regard daphne and pansy. they both smile.
"draco's going to faint when he sees you" pansy gives a nod of approval
"wouldn't be surprised if he professed his love immediately" daphne smirks
i laugh, turning and looking back at myself in the mirror. they had me put the necklace back on, and it's clearly displayed on my chest. i hope at least... some of this gets through to him. that's my goal. i can talk to him like this, he'll listen to me, i can fix things. i don't know. it's a loose plan, but a plan nonetheless. and it was the best we could come up with.
when we head downstairs, everything's already starting up. blaise and goyle helped daphne organize, so they've already begun pouring and handing out drinks while we were finishing getting ready. the musics loud, like blast your eardrums into two loud, and the lights swirling around the room could make you dizzy if you stare at them for too long. but it all makes me feel alive, something i haven't felt in a long time.
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draco's pov
"i'm not going to some fucking party" i glare at theo, who's holding the door open for me, staring at me expectedly
"you know, mate, it could be good for you, help you forget about..." he trails off, nodding to my arm, "...whiskey takes the pain away"
i raise my eyebrows, considering his words. he's right, the marks been on fire lately... and a way to get rid of that...
"fine. i'll come" i shake my head, standing up for my bed, "but just for a drink"
theo smiles, holding the door even further ajar for me to push past him, heading down the stairs.
the second i walk into the common room, my senses are overloaded. the music loud, way too loud, the lights too bright, and it stinks of alcohol. but all of it brings away from the pain, and i think... this wasn't such a bad idea.
i quickly find blaise and goyle, grabbing a cup of fire whiskey from them and downing it in one go.
"woah slow down, mate" blaise laughs, "the night is young"
"give me another" is all i mutter back, holding out my cup. they raise their eyebrows at me, but laugh and fill my cup again, watching me take a couple sips before i'm stopped
there she is.
i don't know why i didn't think of this. of course she would be coming. and of course she would look like that
her dress fits her perfectly, and her hairs not pinned up like usual. it falls loosely over her shoulders, framing her made-up face. she's smiling and laughing with daphne and pansy as they walk down the stairs and i think she's never looked more beautiful-
i choke on my drink.
"told you to slow down" blaise snickers, taking the cup from my hand
"sorry" i clear my throat, hitting my chest to stop the coughing. but my eyes are still on her, walking so effortless down the stairs. i wonder if she knows how good she looks. fuck her for looking that good.
and then my eyes land on her chest. the necklace. that bitch. she knows what she's doing. she hasn't been wearing it the past week, but now? now she puts it on? when she's dressed like that and looking at me like-
she's looking at me. fuck.
i turn my head away quickly, grabbing back my drink from blaise and titling my head back. it stings going down, but a good type of sting- not like the pain still throbbing on my left arm-
"hey, boys"
you've got to be kidding me.
i let the edge of my cup fall from my lips as i look down, seeing the three of them standing in front of us. daphne's started talking to goyle, theo's already swept pansy away, leaving me, y/n, and blaise in an awkward triangle.
blaise looks between us, and gives an awkward, mumbled, "that's my que to go" before walking away into the crowd
"think you're funny, do you?" i raise my eyebrows, looking down at her
"can't imagine what you would be referring to" she shrugs her shoulders, a small smirk on her face. my eyes betray me for a moment, flashing down to the charm on her neck, she laughs, "oh, this? i thought it went well with the dress. don't you agree?" she gestures down over herself, and i can't help but let my eyes follow her hand, roaming over her body. i clear my throat and look back up at her face.
"can't say i do" i say, as coldly as possible. but she's smirking, having seen my eyes look her up and down.
"you're almost as bad of a liar as i am" she laughs, "next time" she takes a step forward, leaning up towards my ear, "don't stare" her voice is just above a whisper, and i can almost feel her lips touch my ear for a second before she comes back down, giving an innocent smile before turning away and joining the party.
bitch.
i can feel my breath caught in my throat, i can feel the heat rising in my cheeks, and i fight to keep my cool. she waltzes away from me, and i can't keep my eyes off her. she has a new confidence to her and it's so....
she finds someone to dance with immediately, no surprise. adrian pucey, we know him from quidditch, a year older than us. my chest tightens as his hands find her waist, and hers run up to rest on his shoulders. she knows i'm watching, and makes sure to move even closer to him, to laugh at every single one of his jokes. i take drink after drink offered to me, not bothering to accept any of the invitations to dance.
all i can do is watch her. watch her dance in that stupid little fucking black dress. watch her dance with him.
i crumple my cup in my fist as another song ends, and she finally breaks away. he plants a kiss on her cheek just as she turns away, and that's the last straw. i throw my cup and it disappears with magic, to where? i don't know. but i don't particularly care either. i'm just focused on her, pushing through the crowd to get to the table of snacks daphne set up earlier. i shove past a couple third years- who even let them in anyways- making my way quickly to where she's stopped, picking at the different treats.
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your pov
"what the fuck do you think you're doing?"
i hear his voice in my ear, his breath hot against my neck as he chest presses into my back, his hands coming to either side of me on the table in front of us. i'm startled for a second, but soon a smirk comes onto my face. it's working.
"what do you mean?" i say innocently, spinning around to face him. he glares down at me, his black suit not affecting me as much now that i'm in control.
"you know what the fuck i mean" he scowls. i shake my head lightly, a little frown on my face, "pucey?"
"ohhh adrian?" i smile, "yeah he's nice. good dancer too" i nod, enjoying seeing the way his face twists up as he lets out a deep breath
"you're playing with me, y/l/n-"
"didn't mean to" i shrug, "not like i had other offer to dance" i tilt my head, "that is unless, of course-" i smirk, "oh- had you- had you wanted to dance with me, draco?" i raise my eyebrows, leaning towards him as he takes in another breath, his grip tightening on the table
"no" he scoffs instantly, but doesn't make any effort to move back
"shame" i frown, "i would've loved to" i reach forward, pinching at the fold of his suit jacket and running my hand down along the seem, "you look nice tonight"
"i-" he pauses for a second, "i do?"
i nod, looking up into his eyes, "better than adrian"
"well, that's not much of a-"
i cut him off, "daphne seems to think you're lying"
his breath is shaky, our faces fairly close to each other now and my fingers still gripping his blazer, "about what?" he whispers
"not loving me anymore" i say casually, not looking at him and focusing on running my hand back and forth, slowly pulling him closer with each pass
"is that so?" his voice is even quieter now, and his shoulders have relaxed
i nod slowly, feeling his face get ever so slightly closer to mine, but i still don't turn my gaze towards him, "you want to know what i think?"
i can see him nod his head out of my peripheral vision, "i think you're scared" i finally look into his eyes, and it brings our lips to be inches apart from each other, "i think you're scared of getting hurt. of admitting how you feel and me not feeling the same way" i whisper quietly, my hand running across to feel for his tie, wrapping it around my fingers as i continue speaking, pulling him closer and closer until our lips just about touch... and then i let go. i let his tie fall slack and i pull my face away, and shrug
"that's just a theory of course" i smile, seeing him breathing heavily and hanging there, expecting me to have leaned in.
"you're being a bitch" he mutters, his voice low
"and you're being a dick" i smirk, "all's fair in love and war"
"what?"
"muggle book" i say quickly, and then continue, "point is, i'm fighting fire with fire"
"i don't want to fight anymore" he says weakly, leaning towards me, but i dodge the advance
"are you going to tell me?" i raise my eyebrows, pressing my hand onto his chest
he pauses for a second, and then hangs his head. he doesn't need to speak for me to know what his answer is.
"i don't want to fight either" i admit, "but it's so hard when you don't trust me-"
"i trust you" he says, "but you wouldn't-" he shakes his head, "you would never forgive me, y/n. and i can't deal with that"
i meet his eyes again and he looks... honest, apologetic. he's telling the truth. whatever he's hiding, he really thinks it will be a deal breaker.
"theo knows. and theo doesn't hate you" i say thoughtfully
"theo's different" he shrugs, "the way you would look at me if you knew-"
"would be the same way i look at you know" i grab his tie again, and it forces him to look back at me, meet my eyes. we stare at each other for a second, and i feel his hands on either side of me creep closer to my waist, and when i say my next words- i'm not quite sure what i'm begging for anymore.
"please draco" i whisper, and that's what does it. we finally break. his hands grip my waist and pull me against him just as i tug on his tie- bringing our lips together.
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yeah i think that yeah
this is all i have written so far and i am behind on hw but i'm gonna try my best to post again tmrw but if not it will DEFINITELY be up on saturday
vote/comment/share :)
thank you for all of the support on this sequel xx