Saturday, February 16, 1980
Nicole didn't remember falling asleep that night, but she remembered pretending to be asleep, her back to the bathroom door after Michael emerged from the shower. She remembered him kissing her shoulder to see if she was still awake and the sounds that soon followed of his heavy breathing as he dreamed.
She was exhausted, but her mind wouldn't let her rest. She began to question everything.
'No sex' couldn't really mean NO sex, right?
Surely he still masturbated, what if they did that together?... With some other stuff?
Was her sex so bad that Michael was fine to give it up indefinitely!?
How was she not supposed to take this personally?
What in the hell was this project!?
Why did 'no sex' have to feel like their whole relationship was ruined?
Was sex actually the foundation of their connection?
Was she really that shallow?
Why didn't he tell her sooner?
Maybe she could seduce him?
Why was she so horny!?
It was 7:45 when Nicole rolled out of bed to get ready. Frowning at the cute matching sets of underwear in her suitcase, she now wished she'd brought regular, comfortable, "granny panties" instead. She pulled on jeans, boots, a sweater and tied back her hair. Staring at her reflection, the dark circles weighing down her eyes, Nicole had never felt uglier. Michael was still sleeping soundly as she closed the bedroom door.
Laura was wide awake and ready to go when Nicole entered the kitchen looking tired and absolutely miserable.
Laura: Woah. You look like you got hit by a bus.
Nicole: Ugh, I feel like I got hit by a bus. Then chewed up and spit out by a pack of wolves--
Laura: Hey, I didn't know y'all were into that kinky stuff!
Nicole: There was no 'kinky stuff.' I just couldn't sleep--
Laura: Alright, that's good too--
Nicole: No, Laura. We didn't have sex at all!
Laura: Huh!?
Laura was mid gasp when the front door opened. Perfectly Punctual Bill, right on time to witness Nicole's continued agony.
Bill: You girls okay?
Though she shook her head in the negative, Nicole whispered, "we're fine," as they walked out the door to leave. The car ride was silent, though Laura tried desperately to probe for details. It was a short taxi ride to the bakery and while Laura and Nicole whispered at the counter, waiting for a turn to place their order, Bill lingered in the back to oversee.
Nicole: He can't have sex.
Laura: Damn, is it broken!?
Nicole: No! -- I mean mentally. He said he needs to focus on work. He said his mind is finally clear and anytime we have sex it's like he has to start over.
Laura: Huh... Is that really a thing?
Nicole: How would I know!? If it's a thing for him, it must be a thing! Why would he lie!?
Laura: Good Lord, calm down.
Nicole: How am I supposed to calm down when we flew 3000 miles to see my boyfriend and now he won't even fuck me!?
The shop went silent as eyes focused on the girl now hiding her face. Laura held her arm, protecting her from the judgmental stares as she stepped in front to place their order.
Laura: Uh, could I get an everything bagel with cream cheese... And uh, a regular bagel with the raw fish?--
Nicole: Lox and schmear!
Laura: Oh, uh, lox and-- shit-- How do you say it?
Nicole bowed her head lower as her cheeks burned red.
Nicole: Schmear, Laura. Schmear!
Laura: Oh. Lox and schmear. Please.
Laura grinned proudly, then Nicole whispered again.
Nicole: And some donuts for Michael!
Laura: What!?
Laura turned sharply to match her friend's sunken eyes.
Laura: That man has given you NOTHING and you still want to bring him back donuts!?
Nicole: Laura, please just order so we can get out of here!
Rolling her eyes, Laura turned again to the cashier who had long grown impatient with the girls' antics. Laura chuckled alone as she requested four of the shop's "most disgusting" donuts. And as a nail on the coffin of tourist humiliation, Nicole forgot her wallet, forcing her to shuffle through the crowd, collecting cash from Bill, and shuffle back as the real locals laughed in her face and complained how they'd now be late for their morning commutes.
~*~*~
At least her bagel was good, Nicole thought as they walked from the bakery through Central Park, and back to the condo, enjoying the much needed fresh air. The universe owed her that much. It was a beautiful day. Brisk and bright as the winter sun peaked from the clouds. Nicole looked up, imagining Michael singing "Come Fly with Me" as he swung her hand.
Laura: I just don't understand. Break it down for me. Paint me a picture. Are you sure he isn't broken?
Nicole: He's not broken. I could feel him, very-- whole-ly...
She cringed at the word, but Laura knew what she meant.
Laura: Damn. So y'all were like, in it?
Nicole: I was on top of him! Five minutes away from riding that man into the sunrise and he stops and says he's celibate.
Laura: ... Well of course he was. But you're here now!--
Nicole: That's what I said! But he said no. He said if we had sex it could put the whole project weeks behind. So... I guess, the longer we don't do it, the sooner he'll be home?
Laura: But it's already been two months...
Nicole: I know.
Laura: So when's he coming home?
Nicole: I don't know.
Shrugging, Nicole knew that inevitable conversation was coming. But for now, she wished she could just feed her boyfriend donuts and pretend everything was okay.
Nicole: I looked fantastic last night too. I bought that red lingerie from the catalog like I showed you. And I was standing right in front of the door so Michael could see how perfect my boobs looked. Then that damn goddess walked in half a step behind him! Oh, I was so humiliated! I bet I looked like a cow compared to her.
Laura's brows furrowed as she tried to imagine the scene.
Laura: What 'goddess?'
Nicole: Diana Ross. Looking like a damn giraffe--
Laura: Wait-- She came home with him?
Nicole: Yes.
Laura: Why!? When!? How could you leave that part out!?
Laura was frantic as they stopped walking and she demanded answers. Nicole suddenly felt uncomfortable, now understanding how the whole bakery must've felt when she yelled about her lack of being fucked.
Nicole: It was a little after 1 when he came in. He said he needed to show her something, but decided it could wait once he saw me. It didn't seem like a big deal, she was barely in the door.
Laura was frozen, her mouth hanging open as she held her best friend by the shoulders. She wanted to shake her! Then kiss her poor ignorant head. Then kick Michael in the nuts!
Laura: I need you to listen to me, okay? Your boyfriend. Brought Diana Ross. TO HIS HOME. At 1 o'clock in the morning!
Nicole: It wasn't like that--
Laura: That's exactly what you just said!
Nicole: But I--
Laura: I told you something was fishy, and SHE'S the fucking fish!
Nicole looked down to the half a bagel still in her hand. Suddenly, she'd lost her appetite.