Anyway, I never mentioned eras,
revenge era Frank and danger days Gerard
I think I'll do twice on Saturdays or once on Saturdays/Wednesdays If you're reading this you can choose
Why did I have to move? Yeah I broke a guys ribs but he shouldn't have harassed Jamia, then tell me how I can't do shit because I'm short. Yeah if I was an adult I would've been arrested, but he learned his lesson.
Now its back to my old town in Jersey. Only one person tolerated me. I don't remember his name. His face is fading from my mind. I just remember he was there when my mom died
I'm kinda considered the asshole of the school.. everywhere I go. I mean I am a bitch sometimes.
I have a tradition, that every first day in high school I grab as many teenage boys dicks as possible. It started of as a dare, then I just wanted to piss of some shit heads with toxic masculinity, or a bitchy popular bitch. Never to woman. That's fucked up.
Why do I do it to men?
I like to piss off people with toxic masculinity and its funny to see the defensively 'straight' boys get a boner because I grabbed their dick. The amount of times that's happened. Then they try to get me to get them off by sucking their dick or something. I typically do it. Why?
It's funny to have these straight boys get off to another dude sucking their dick.
I have my reasons on why I am the way I am.
I think they're normal. If its normal for your dad to be gone for weeks at a time, tell you things you hear at school after your mother dies of cancer in front of you.
Wait.
Is that trauma.
Possibly.
It's my life not trauma.
Defiantly not trauma.
I definitely don't have trauma. I just shove my pain down every day so I don't show emotions.
Now I've spent the whole car ride thinking about my life.
Soulmates?
Who could love a pathetic excuse of a human. Who could love me? My own dad doesn't, this is the first time I've seen him in weeks.
I start bringing my shit to my new room.
No one could care about me, let alone love me.
Who could?
I'm just the punk boy who hates his life and is a bitch to every one. Who could like that.
Yeah, I could be nice, no one is nice, no one treats me like I'm another human.
People treat me like I'm just another delinquent punk. I'm always the blame.
It doesn't matter who starts the fight. People see a 15 year old who has tattoos and think he's the problem. I probably shouldn't have tattoos, I don't have many. I have 2 tattoos. One of them is a memorial for my mom. Even if I tell someone why I got them they wouldn't care, they would still blame me.
That's the matter with society. Its so fucked that we look at the popular kids and act like they can do nothing wrong. The people who are different, who refuse to act like anyone else, that's who they blame it on. We're taught to be kind to others, to 'not judge a book by its cover', then they make fun of you if you're different.
I unpack thinking about it.
I've never met anyone except Jamia who I can only call, who didn't hate me. Besides that one boy back in... 3rd grade? I don't think he would like me anymore. I was kinda sweet and innocent back then. That was the year my mom died. That black haired boy he helped me with the first few days. My dad made us move and life went to hell.
I've gotten expelled from multiple schools. This is the last public school in Jersey I have.
I finish unpacking and lay down.
"going out, miss school you're dead," I hear him yell.
"cool" I yell back.
Looks like I'll be alone again.
I just hope he left enough food and money this time. I could call cps on his ass, but I don't want to go to foster systems. That's like hell on top off hell.
I get up and walk to the kitchen. I see a bunch of money on the counter.
Shit.
Looks like there's no food here. I grab the money and count it. Just enough for bills and food.
Looks like I'm on my own for a while.