hi.
i don't want to be long in my reflections, especially with a lot of you (and myself) deeply mourning a beloved character. so i will be brief, highlighting a few important themes/characters in LeoTaura for deeper explanations.
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Gymnastics
As many of you know, I used to be a gymnast. I know the struggle, the toil, the horrors that sometimes randomly happen in the gym. I've wanted for so long to try and express gymnastics in a story, but have been hesitant to do so. My version of gymnastics is a lot different from how other people might describe it, depending on what kind of gymnastics they were involved in, who their coaches were, how they trained, etc.
But I decided, what the hell. You've wanted to write about this for so long, go and do it already. So I did, and my inspiration consisted of a mental image of Jungkook in a leotard. Then came his competitors, the events, his coach...and eventually the planning process kicked off for making this about the 2012 London Olympics.
I hope by reading this story, you've found a new appreciation for gymnastics, the training process, or maybe even flipping in general. My love for the sport perhaps didn't translate perfectly onto the page (I admit, I created several negative/intense circumstances instead of focusing on the good parts) but I had to create a high-pressure, competitive atmosphere. I hope it paid off.
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Auras
Right, auras.
Those colorful thingys that hang around people in a cloud. Auric reading is actually a fascinating topic that I'd love to delve into here, but since it's one of those borderline preternatural subjects where people insist if they cannot see them, they are not there (ghosts, aliens, energy fields, etc.) it's almost impossible for me to expand upon the topic without knowing the spiritual beliefs/knowledge of my crowd. I don't want to be a preacher. So anyway, auras!
(Note: The 'color names' that I included at the beginning of titles along with their respective descriptions were creatively made and do not reflect real auric states or color names. However, I did try to match up the gist of them--for example, black/gray typically imply negative energy instead of, say, bright yellow/pink).
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Rock Music
Ah, Metallica, Guns N' Roses, Nirvana...
The classic American rock artists. I made Jungkook appreciate Rock n Roll in this story for two reasons: 1) Rock music is wild, carefree, and it defines the freedom Jungkook wished to have. 2) I like classic rock, plus, in any performance environment, rock heightens competition/pressure. I thought it fit the old Phoenix, Arizona vibes too. Hot!
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Jungkook's Eating Disorder/Coach Kan's Pressure to be Perfect
I went over this in a previous chapter, but I can expand a little here, too.
Notice that at the end of the story, even with Leo's love, Jungkook did not recover nor get rid of his bad eating habits. Even in the Olympics he reveals he is desperately hungry...and he once said he hated the banquets...and he doesn't like refrigerators. All of these objects/events are triggers that bring food to mind, and make Jungkook worried that he might gain weight to ruin his immaculate physique. Leo's love can't change that, although it does make Jungkook question his actions. There was hope for Jungkook to overcome his problem with Leo's "ribs" tactic, but it only comforted the Korean instead of addressing the body-image issue.
In less words, eating disorders do not disappear when someone tells one to eat. These are imbedded, psychological conditions that remain prominent for years after gymnasts/dancers/athletes finish competing. I also did not intend to glamorize them in any form, so I apologize if it came across that way.
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McKayla Maroney
Her character was meant to show Jungkook love and support, and to be a little on the wild side. She reveals to him what being free means, and helps him realize that being spontaneous is not a bad thing.
Many might be wondering...did Jungkook actually like McKayla when he kissed her/hung out all those times? The answer is yes, but where on the "like scale" his adoration for her fell in comparison to Leonardo...that's an entirely different matter. For the most part, McKayla made Jungkook feel welcome, excited...liked. She helped him in a variety of situations--after he vomited, she gave him Gatorade, she helped him translate the Portuguese word pai at the photoshoot...she even helped Jungkook and Leo film videos to communicate.
So even if she might have seemed like the annoying, bratty gymnast who only got in the way of LeoKook, well...her initial meetings with Jungkook helped shaped Jungkook's personality. Arguably, she was the impetus for Leo's jealousy...which led to a confession...which led to them loving each other...anyway.
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Leonardo Costa, His Father...His Mother
Leo.
Oh...
Before I launch myself into the nuances of his character and family situation and themes and everything, I want to let you know Leo's death was planned from the start. He was never meant to survive to the Olympics. Jungkook was set to receive the gold medal the entire story. The fact that Jungkook sacrificed his life's dream to lose and get second for Leo is where my story idea began, and where the influence of Leonardo Costa began as well...
His father. A man, deeply troubled by many things. The reader doesn't see much of Costa Sr. other than when he gets angry or hurts Leo. Of course, the iceberg on the surface doesn't determine what is under the water. Leo's father was likely going through a lot: his wife dying of Leukemia, pressure to win...perhaps even some self-induced pressure that if Leo didn't win it might reflect upon his own fatherly image. Call it selfish, brutal, awful...but the man was in pain. Leo saw through the abusive tyrant and tried to recognize the person underneath, and that is why he felt so desperate to keep it a secret. He even defended his father during the abuse trials. Blood is thicker than water in these scenarios. That's the person Leo called father his whole life, so he could forgive the abusive behaviors...alas.
His mother. Leo's mother is more of a symbol than anything. The reader never hears more of Leo's mother other than she is terribly ill and one of Leo's biggest fans. Almost instantly, this plants her in the angel category, where innocent children and stray puppies fall. The reader sympathizes readily for her, and they want Leo to be happy as well. Her death, I hope, was unfortunate and seemingly unfair. To make it worse, Leo never got to say goodbye, which is a common fear of many individuals, to miss out on their loved ones' passing. Ah, poor Mrs. Costa. Rest in peace with your beautiful son.
Leo. Ah. Don't make me do this.
Okay, sorry. I'm okay.
No I'm not.
Even though I knew for months that I wanted Leo to die, I was constantly torn with how I wanted it to happen. Originally, he was supposed to fall into grief's hands after his mother's passing and his father's abuse and decide to take his life. However, I felt about halfway through the story that this method of departure wouldn't fit his nature. After LeoKook started falling in love, I threw that off the table. I then decided he was going to die by accident. The plane crash I used in this story was inspired by a real airline crash in 2009 where a plane traveling to Paris, France from Rio de Janeiro crashed, killing all 228 passengers and crew. Horribly unfortunate, isn't that?
Symbols that Leonardo expressed throughout the story were important aspects of the overall book theme I was going for. Taking a look at him from the outside, Leonardo Costa appears as this enormously intimidating figure, with perfect poise, the "face of a leader" (I think Jungkook said at one point) with a vast red aura of health, vigor, and competitiveness. When he enters camp, all eyes are on him, and everyone expects him to win. There are several figures like this in real life, ones whose reputation travels ahead of them to invoke fear or awe in the competition. Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, Serena Williams, Usain Bolt...etc, all share this common energy surrounding them (like an aura!) that people are instantly attracted to. But, as the story develops, the reader sees that Leo's outside is hardly indicative of his inner world.
Meeting Leo is like a trip back to childhood. Movies, toys, the stuffed bear, his pigsty dorm, and Brazilian snacks...everything about Leo's living space points to youth. Jungkook was surprised at first to find this side of Leo, but soon finds himself accepting it. He notes frequently that Leo is like a child or a young boy, no matter what his tough exterior suggests. This side of Leo actually draws Jungkook closer to him, since by nature, Jungkook is a perfectionist type. 'Opposites attract?' you might be asking in a disbelieving tone. And I'd answer, 'Leo and Jungkook were more similar than you think, ma'am/sir.'
Leo and Jungkook were both pressured to win, they were both fair game for winning the Olympics, they were both quiet types, talented, caring individuals who wanted the best for each other. Leonardo, for example, wanted to take care of Jungkook, urged him to eat more...whereas Jungkook supported Leo throughout during the abuse and death he had to face.
Abuse, death, unforeseen circumstances...all point to the theme of conquering, enduring, and not sticking by old, invalid codes of honor to do so. We all have demons, no matter the type, no matter how big. Leo's were from his family issues/abuse. Jungkook's were from his society, coach pressures, and eating disorder.
Jungkook changed his mindset from wanting to beat Leo and win it all in the beginning (old code of honor that Kan wanted for him) to wanting nothing more than to help Leo by the end. Jungkook had to overcome his emotional obstacles, deal with an eating disorder, and get rid of his slight internalized homophobia. Leo had to overcome a lot as well, going from his winner takes all mindset (again, an old code) to shifting his concerns to Jungkook when his problems got the best of him. Both had to get rid of their competitive mentalities when thinking about the other person. Both of them realized that their dreams of winning gold were really their coaches dreams. Of course they loved gymnastics, but they despised the pressure/expectation of winning.
For what really is winning in the long run? A title? An accomplishment? How much does it mean? These are questions the characters explored in LeoTaura.
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Easter Eggs
There were three major Easter Eggs in this story.
First: Logan Raisman. Although I stole the surname Raisman from the famous Alexandra Raisman, Logan is actually a character from my other story Frigid. Logan is a very...how do I put this...vague, troublemaking character, and his symbol is that of drugs and partying. Haha, imagine him as a gymnastics coach! Horrible...
Second: Trainer Snowden mirrors the altruistic nature of a trustworthy friend of mine. Snowden's charisma, good advice, and ability to help the athletes through some of their dilemmas (albeit sometimes with pushiness) ended up giving LeoKook the upperhand in their relationship. Stan Snowden! :)
Third: This one is longer. If you've been paying attention, you might have noticed the one bolded word at the end of every chapter. These were not random, I assure you. These were Jungkook's interior, intuitive symbols. If you combine the bolded words of the chapters in order, you come out with three bolded sentences that wrap up each part of the story. Here, I will reveal them to you now.
One: Gymnastics worries him to dust.
In the first five chapters, Jungkook did worry greatly. This was a transition period of adaptation and getting used to the system.
Two: I start training my mind for more clarity, but in the end, cannot help Leonardo.
This one is the longest section of chapters (15) where Jungkook is learning more about Leo, how to deal with the problems thrown his way, and how to grapple with his auras/feelings. In the end of this section he feels helpless since Leo's abusive father keeps hurting him and he doesn't know how to help.
Three: No amount of praying could prevent his unfortunate death.
Self-explanatory. This section is the saddest, with a collection of unfortunate events. Leo's mom dies, McKayla is caught, Jungkook has to lose weight, the Olympics are approaching...and so forth. Jungkook acknowledges that some things are beyond his power in this section, and eventually ends up winning the Olympics.
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Final Words
This story hurt me.
From the agony of gymnastics practice to the cute and spicy love scenes between Leo and Jungkook, I was always in pain! Something about the way I drafted Leonardo Costa's character made him extremely easy to appreciate and connect with. Also, the mystery surrounding his character throughout is a good way to attach a reader. People love to explore the unknown, and until they can find out everything about a character, they tend to stick around. Leo was that character for me. I wanted to see him at the Olympics, wanted to picture his future with Jungkook, etc...but found I couldn't...it was painful.
Also, no, I am not sorry for killing Leo. Sadness is good to feel, and it helps us connect with the real world on a deeper level. I can't stand stories that are surface level and have happy endings, unless they're meant to be light. If you want a good story (my advice, lmao) you have to employ the rollercoaster method of emotional struggle (lots of ups/downs, like a drug!) and be transparent with your audience about things. By using a dual first-person, third-person switch in this story, I felt that I was transparent enough. The plot events were described by a narrator, but Jungkook reflected on them to give the reader his own take on things.
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Man.
I sure am going overboard on this note, but I do this with all my stories. Thank you for reading (or skipping) to this far, and I adore you for trying out LeoTaura. I hope it's the first and last aura + gymnastics story with a sad ending you read because otherwise we'll need to purchase lots more tissue boxes.
Okay, I don't know if I have to do this, but I will. Leotaura is a mixture of Leonardo + Aura + Leotard, tying all three objects with the beautiful red strings of fate! Now you know. If you don't believe in fate, well, my story has failed you.
I'll be off now. Check out my other works if you liked this, but I don't need to tell you that. You're a free person, you do what you want.
Also, take care of yourself. Know that I'm counting on you to manage yourself with good sense. It gets hard sometimes, but like Jeon Jungkook of Korea in this story and in real life, you will have to move on.
Life Goes On! (Btw, the song hasn't come out yet, but I declare it LeoTaura's theme song when it does).
With love, always,
Izzy.