Entry 874
Sunday 17th February 2019
OH. MY. GOD. I don't believe what I discovered today. I'm still in shock. To be honest I feel like a stupid old fool.
I was a bit annoyed in the morning when I came downstairs. Ash was in the kitchen with Mum, Richard was in the living room and Roz was in the shower. Ash handed me a cup of tea and I asked him and Mum where Kyle was. He and Mum exchanged award and tense looks. "What?" I said, feeling apprehensive. At that moment Kyle walked through the front door with Leo. I looked at Kyle and then looked back at Mum and Ash. I wasn't happy. I took a deep breath. Kyle can you come here please?" I firmly said. "In a minute," Kyle called from the living room. "No, now please," I firmly said. Kyle appeared with Leo with a frown on his face. "What's with your voice?" said Kyle, "Going all Sergeant Major?" "Kyle, what did I say to you the other day?" I firmly asked. "I don't know," said Kyle, shrugging, "Which bit of which day?" "Don't get smart," I said. "I'm not," exclaimed Kyle, "I'm just trying to figure out which bit of which day you're going on about?" "When me and Roz were with you and Leo in Cowes the other day," I said. "God, I don't know," moaned Kyle, "I can't remember everything. What are you going on about?" "Don't take that tone with me young man," I firmly said. "Young man!?" exclaimed Kyle, "You trying to go all authoritative parent on me. Sorry Luke, mate, you're 15 years too late for that." At this point I snapped. "Shut the f*ck up," I snapped, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was never there for you, I'm a bad Dad, too late to try and all that cr*p. Change the record Kyle, I've heard it all before, and frankly it's getting boring. I didn't know you existed and that's not my fault. It's your bl**dy Mother's fault." "That'll be the mother whose head you caved in," said Kyle. "Because she was infected!" I yelled, "Tara; your best mate killed her! Blame her not me, and don't you dare stand there and lecture me on killing people after you killed that girl when you could have chopped her arm off." "Luke!" gasped a shocked Mum. I suddenly realised that I might have gone too far with my last comment. "Kyle," I said, "I just don't want you going out on your own. You told me and Roz you wouldn't. It's just because we're worried about you?" "Worried people might have a go at me for killing that little girl?" said an angry Kyle, "That's what you've just done. I keep telling you, I can take care of myself and I get less hassle out there from those arseholes than I do in here from you. You make out you want to be a good Dad but you're sh*t at it. You were never there for me when I was a kid, and you weren't there when we were in The Base. You were too busy thinking of yourself. You abandoned me, jumped in a freezer and just thought of yourself whilst I was down in the Base running around risking my life looking for you. You're not even there for me now. You care more about this Natasha slag than you do about me or Leo." "That's not fair," I snapped. Roz then appeared. "What's going on?" she asked. "Ask him," said Kyle as he pointed at me and started to walk off with Leo, "Father of the year over there." Kyle then went upstairs with Leo. "For God's sake Luke," said Roz, "What have you done now?" "Oh, that's right isn't it!?" I exclaimed, "Blame me, it's all my fault!" "Well you did tell him to shut the f*ck up," said Ash. "And you told him he shouldn't have killed that little girl," said Mum. "Oh Luke, for crying out loud," snapped Roz, "Why do you keep doing this? Can you just try, for just one day, to not put your foot in your mouth? I mean why the Hell would you say that?" "He went out on his own," I firmly said. "He went out?" said Roz, "On his own?" "Well, with Leo," said Ash. "Why did you let him go out on his own with Leo?" Roz angrily asked me. "I didn't," I snapped, "I was just getting up." "We tried to tell him that going out on his own wasn't a good idea," said Mum. "Why the Hell didn't you go with him?" Roz snapped at Mum and Ash. "Sorry but he's not my responsibility," said Ash, "Anyway, I'd just made a cup of tea." "All you ever do is make tea," snapped Roz. "I tried to tell him that we were worried about him and that we wanted him to stay inside or only go out with us because we cared for him" I said. "But you f*cked it up?" said Roz. "Yeah well he really pushes my buttons sometimes," I said. "Luke, you're the adult, he's the child," said Roz, "When are you going to grow up?" "Oh, give me a break," I said, "I'm doing my best." "Your best?" exclaimed Ash, "Sorry Luke, mate but if that was your best then you're f*cked." "Oh, Ash shut up," I said. "I could give you some parenting classes," said Mum. "Are you kidding?" I exclaimed, "I think that would be like taking child care advice from the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." "Cheeky sod," said Mum, "I look nothing like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." "Look, I'll sort it," said Roz, rolling her eyes, "As usual. Luke, he's a 15-year old boy. Maybe you should leave all the serious discussions to me." Roz then went upstairs. "God, I'm just no good at this being a parent thing am I?" I said. "Doesn't look like it," said Ash. "You are struggling a bit," said Mum, "Go to the library. There isn't much in there but there might be a book on parenting." Richard then stuck his head around the living room door. "Is it safe to come out?" "Yes, it's fine," I bluntly said. "I don't like arguments," said Richard, "I like it when people keep themselves to themselves and don't say much." "I don't know why you don't go and live in the middle of the Sahara Desert?" I bluntly said. "I don't really like sand," said Richard, "And the heat can make my skin go all red."
Later on, we all got ready to go and see the talk on infected having rights in the centre of Cowes. Roz told me that she'd tried to speak to Kyle, but that he was still in a mood and that we should give him some space. We all left Kyle at home with Leo and walked into Cowes. We walked down to the seafront where a little makeshift staging area had been set up. There were hundreds of people there! We saw Sci-Fi Cyn, Mike, TJ and Trudy with Primark, and walked over to them. "Ay up Elizabeth," said TJ, "Harpooned any whales lately?" "F*ck off TJ," I said, "You were horrible to Noreen." "Ah, fat people are used to having the p*ss taken out of them," said TJ, "Anyway, are you going to be seeing Mrs Blobby later today?" "Please," said Roz, "Will you two knock it off? Can we just focus on right here and now?" "Alright Ellen, calm down," said TJ. "Where's Kyle?" Mike sheepishly asked me. "He's at home," I said. "Had another go at him have you?" asked Trudy. "He told him that he shouldn't have killed Ella," said Ash. "Oh well done," said Trudy, "You dropped a b*llock there didn't you?" "He'll be fine," said Roz, "I'll have a chat with him." "Well don't go sending Elizabeth to talk to him," said TJ, "He'll probably pin him up against the wall." "TJ shut up," I said. "Did he mention me?" asked Mike. "Kyle?" I said, "Why would he mention you?" Mike shrugged. "I wish you two would get on," I said. "I think it's best Mike and Kyle are kept apart," said Roz. "I haven't done anything wrong," said Mike. "That's not really true is it Mike?" said Roz, "Look, can we just not talk about this right now. We're all here to see what this talk is about." "I hardly see you anymore," Mike said with a sulk on his face. "OK," I said, "Do you want to do something tomorrow?" "Like what?" asked an excited Mike. "I don't know," I said, "Go for a walk on the beach or something." Mike got really excited. "Oh, that sounds great," he said with a big beaming smile on his face, "We can build sandcastles." "Yeah, OK," I said. "I'll pick you up tomorrow and we can walk to the beach together," said Mike, sounding excited. "TJ's been telling us about this Natasha woman," said Sci-Fi Cyn, "It seems that she has set Wriggly Worm's heart alight with love, lust and passion." "Well it's early days," I said, "But so far so good." "He's deluded," said TJ, "She's giving him the brush off." "No, she isn't," I said. "Well I hope she's good enough for you," said Mike.
At that moment someone came on the little stage ahead of us. "Can I have your attention please," the person said. Silence fell and we all looked ahead, past the heads of the hundreds of people who were present and watched the stage. "Good afternoon," the person said, "Today we're here to tell you more about the group of people who are going by the name; The Infected Treated With Acceptance N Kindness." TJ giggled. "Shut up," I quietly snapped, "What's so funny?" "It's an anagram of TITWANK," giggled TJ, "She works for an organisation called TITWANK." I don't usually find TJ's jokes funny but I had to admit I did giggle slightly. "Will you both shut up," snapped Roz. "We know it's a mouthful," said the person. "I like a good mouthful," giggled Mum. "I can vouch for that," giggled TJ. "But we wanted something to capture everything that we are trying to achieve here," continued the person, "We are of course open to changing the name. I'd now like to introduce the leader and founder of our group. Please put your hands together for Natasha Swann." My eyes widened, my mouth dropped open and my body was consumed in goose bumps. "Luke," said Roz, "That's..." "I know," I said, interrupting Roz and whilst feeling in a state of shock. "Who is it?" asked Mike. "Natasha?" said Ash, "That was the name of the woman who Luke went on a date with?" "HA!" TJ loudly said, "She was undercover. She wasn't interested in Elizabeth; she just wanted to do some digging. I knew he wouldn't be able to land a fit bit of skirt like that." Sci-Fi Cyn could see that I was really shocked. "Oh, TJ, shut up," she said, "Luke, are you OK?" "I'm just shocked," I said. "Me too," said TJ, "If I had a face like yours, I'd be shocked if a bit of totty like that wanted to go on a date with me. "TJ, I said shut up," snapped Sci-Fi Cyn, "Luke we need to listen to what she has to say. It might be important." "Good afternoon," said Natasha, talking into a microphone placed at the top of the stand, "My name is Natasha Swann and I am the leader and founder of The Infected Treated With Acceptance Nurture N Kindness." "TITWANK," giggled TJ. "As you've just heard," continued Natasha, "We may be changing the name. As I'm sure you all know, towards the end of last month a man had a heart attack, sadly died and returned to life as an infected. He attacked a number of people, resulting in the deaths of six people, including an eight-year-old girl; Ella Jones. It is good to see that people have been welcoming of the hashtag #JFEJ which means Justice For Ella Jones; however, this is simply a small part of what the group I lead stands for. We believe that when someone becomes infected, they should never - NEVER - be killed. Before all this happened, I had friends and family. I had children, but in 2016 when the outbreak happened, I lost them. They became infected, they turned and then they were sadly killed. They were killed because we were all told this was the right thing to do, but what if there's another way. What if there's a kinder way? Many people like me who were born and bred on the Isle of Wight have lost friends, family and loved ones, but what if we don't have to lose them? What if the spirit of hope can be kept alive? That's one of the reasons why I founded 'The Infected Treated With Acceptance Nurture N Kindness' group. The infected aren't dead, and we need to stop treating them like they are. They're up on their feet, they're running around, they're looking at us, they make noise. They aren't dead. They're alive. Infected, but alive and we don't kill infected people, do we? Here on the Isle of Wight we're building civilisation, aren't we? Well, there is nothing civilised about what we are doing to our infected. There was nothing civilised about what that teenage boy did to that eight-year-old girl in Cowes." Roz and I exchanged awkward looks. "I met with the boy's father," continued Natasha, "The great frozen man who was frozen in time for five weeks. He endorses his son's behaviour. Not only that, but he told me he murdered a young boy and a new-born baby because they were infected. Why were they not cared for?" I was gobsmacked at what I was hearing. "Jesus Luke, she's tricked you," said Roz. "What a manipulative little b*tch," said TJ, "She's fit but she's a b*tch." "The teenage boy who killed that little girl was released back into general population with zero consultation with islanders. We have seen him walking around freely. During his announcement, Commander Blade said we should have empathy for this boy and that we should even be grateful to him. I don't think so. I will never empathise with a child killer who should be locked up in prison. As far as I'm concerned, I have nothing to be grateful to him for. None of us do. Commander Blade said the message that my group was spreading was harmful and could endanger lives. No. The message my group is spreading promotes peace and will save lives. Before the outbreak, if someone became infected with any sort of infection, we didn't kill them. We cared for them. We supported them. We helped them to get better and that is what I am proposing. We need to care for our infected, not kill them. These are people we love." The crowd was cheering and I was not only surprised that Natasha was the leader of this new group and that she'd totally played and manipulated me, but that so many people were supporting her suggestions. "I have developed a model called QCUC," continued Natasha, "Q – Quarantine. As soon as someone becomes infected, we quarantine them and isolate them from non-infected people. If someone becomes infected via a bite a quick assessment must occur. If someone is bitten on the arm then the arm should quickly be amputated to stop the spread of the virus. If this works the injured person can then be introduced back into general population. If the person is bitten on a part of the body that cannot be removed, or if they die from natural causes they should be immediately quarantined. C – Care. Once someone has turned and they become fully infected and they are kept in quarantine they should be cared for, just like we'd care for any infected loved one. We need to treat them with kindness, dignity and respect. It's not their fault they want to kill us. We can care for the infected whilst protecting the uninfected. U – Utilise. Whilst we are waiting for a cure, we can make good use of the infected by giving them a sense of purpose. They can be used for manual labour. They can be used to make things work; operate basic machinery; perhaps even be used as security measures. The infected can have a purpose whilst waiting for a cure, which brings me on to C – Cure. We have no idea when or if a cure will be developed but we must not give up hope. There are two groups of infected people; Group one, those who can be cured and returned to normal, and group two, those who can't be cured and will stay infected; Group one, includes those who died BEFORE becoming infected such as having a heart attack or being involved in a fatal accident AND it also includes those whose bodies were introduced to infected blood, semen or saliva in a fatal way such as being bitten on a part of the body that would kill you. Group one is referred to as the FATALS. They can't return to normal but they can still be utilised as an infected. Group two includes those whose bodies were introduced to infected blood, semen or saliva but in a non-fatal way such as being bitten on the little finger by an infected or getting a drop of infected blood in the eye. A cure can save these people and return them to normal. We call this group of people the SAVERS. What I am proposing will radically change the way we live on this island. I will be speaking with GRID personnel and putting my proposal forward. I have a petition here at the front of the stage. If you agree with what I am proposing, please come forward, sign the petition, and help us improve the quality of life of people on this island; infected and non-infected. Help us create a new way of living; a better way. A kinder way. A more humane way. Join us. Join us, give us your support and help us achieve a better way of living. Thank you for your time." The crowd clapped and loudly cheered as a very long queue formed for people to sign the petition. I was gobsmacked. Me and the others were frozen to the spot. I had no words at that point to describe how I was feeling. Trudy broke the silence. "What a load of old sh*t," she bluntly said, "That b*tch is off her head." "She can't be serious, can she?" said Richard. "I think she's very serious," said Roz. "Look at everyone," said Ash, "They're all buying it. They're queuing up to sign that thing. "Luke, are you OK?" Sci-Fi Cyn asked me. "I don't know," I said. "She's taken the p*ss out of my Luke," snapped Mike, "I'll go over there, rip off her legs and stick 'em up her arse." "Mike, stay here," said Roz, "I think we should all just go."
I wasn't sure what to do. Part of me wanted to storm off, go home and be on my own, but I ended up wading through the crowds and approaching the side of the stage where Natasha had lots of people shaking her hand and hugging her. Roz, Sci-Fi Cyn and Ash told me I shouldn't confront Natasha and that it was a bad idea, but I didn't care. I just felt like I had to confront her. I fought my way through the people and looked at Natasha face-to-face. "Hello Luke," she said. "Hello, Luke?" I gasped, "Is that all you've got to say?" "I told you, you'd see me again," said Natasha, "Thanks for the other night. The food was good wasn't it." "You tricked me," I said. "Yes, well I'm sorry about that, Luke," said Natasha, "But I needed to gather intelligence. I didn't really get the intelligent vibe from you. No offence." "Why did you do it?" I asked. "I've told you," said Natasha, "I needed intelligence to help our cause." "Why didn't you just come and talk to me?" I snapped. "Would you have listened to me?" asked Natasha, "I thought that sending you the Valentine's card was the best way to get your attention. It worked." "I really liked you," I said, "And I thought you really liked me." "I know," said Natasha, "That's what made it easy to get you to talk." "I liked you, I really liked you," I said, "We kissed." "Aaaaw bless," said Natasha, "Luke, it was just a kiss. Don't go booking the church or anything. I'm sure it was difficult for you to hear what I was saying about you and your son up there but it needed to be said." Some of the others appeared behind me. "Is she giving you grief babe?" asked Mike. "Luke, let's just go," said Roz. "Oh look," said Natasha, "It's the Step-Mum and friends. Nice to meet you all." "Listen love," said TJ, "I think you're off your f*cking head but I wouldn't mind chucking one up you. What do you say?" "TJ, shut up," snapped Roz, "Luke come on." "Was anything you said to me true?" I asked Natasha. "Yes of course it was," said Natasha, "In fact it was all true. I did used to work at Greggs. I did use to have a family. Luke, this wasn't personal. I am trying to further our cause. You telling me that you thought your son did the right thing killing that little girl was just what I needed to hear. When you told me that you killed a little boy and a baby, well that was pure gold." "You should be ashamed of yourself," said Roz, "You haven't got a clue. We've been on the mainland. We know what it's like out there." "That's irrelevant," said Natasha, "What I am proposing is valid." "What you're proposing is b*llocks," said Trudy. "Really?" said Natasha, "Well there's a long line of people over there that think otherwise." "I watched my own baby get killed," said Trudy, "It was horrible and heart breaking but he'd been bitten. It was the right thing to do." "No," said Natasha, "It wasn't. A baby doesn't pose a threat. You could have cared for that child until a cure got developed. Perhaps the fact that you chose to kill instead of care shows you're a bad mother." Trudy's face suddenly changed and looked VERY angry. She tried to pass Primark to TJ. "Take Primark," she firmly said. "Trudy..." said TJ. "Take your son, I'm gunna knock her out," snapped Trudy. "Wait..." said TJ. "Take your son or I'll knock you out and then her," snapped Trudy. "My God, you people just love violence, don't you?" said Natasha, "Haven't you heard of peace?" "You'll have a piece of skin from my knuckles wedged in between your teeth if you don't shut the f*ck up," snapped Trudy. "Why can't you just treat the infected with dignity and respect?" said Natasha. "It's a bit hard to treat something with dignity and respect when it's running at you and desperately trying to bite a chunk out of your face," said Sci-Fi Cyn. "You can't treat infected with respect and dignity," said Mike, "They're dirty little piggies. They should all be killed." "Dirty little piggies?" exclaimed Natasha, "They are living people who need our help." "No, they're not you stupid cow!" snapped Trudy. "Look," said a firm Natasha, "If your first thought when it comes to the infected is kill instead of care then that tells me how barbaric you are. I'm sure you had a horrible time on the mainland, but I'm not sure it was necessary to kill every infected person you came into contact with. We're talking about someone's mother, someone's brother, someone's sister, someone's son, and if there's a chance of a cure there's a chance of them BEING cured. Why don't you want that?" "You're naive," said Roz, "It's as simple as that." "And you lot have normalised violence of the ill," said Natasha, "Luke, this wasn't personal. Please don't think it was. You can join our cause. You can all join our cause." "I'd rather join my arse to my elbow," said Trudy. "We'll pass thanks," said Mum. "Shame," said Natasha, "I offer you the chance to mend your violent ways, turn your lives around and embrace a new way of living, and you'd rather take the easy option and stick with what you know. Violence and killing. Luke, you sat opposite me and told me how proud your son was at killing that little girl, and then you bragged about killing that other little boy and your friend's unborn baby." "I wasn't bragging at all," I said. "It was stupid of me to think any of you would want to leave your violent ways behind you," said Natasha, "The cause doesn't need people like you." "And this island doesn't need people like you," said Roz. "This island is made up of people like me," said Natasha, "And the numbers are growing. Change is coming people. Get used to it." There was a short pause. "I don't really like change," said Richard. "Shut up Richard," said Roz. "So, is she Luke's girlfriend or not?" asked Richard. "Definitely not," said Natasha. Feeling completely embarrassed I left the others and ran off. I felt utterly humiliated.
I spent the rest of the day in my room sulking. People kept turning up to knock on my door, but I told them all to go away. After a few hours Mum came into my room. I told her I didn't want to speak to her but she wouldn't take no for answer. "You have to snap out of this," she said, "Come on stop sulking. You've got a toddler to look after and a teenage son to make up with." "Just go away," I said. "Sausage, this sort of stuff happens," said Mum, "You go on dates, they p*ss you off and you find out all sorts of sh*t about them. They turn out to be married, the same sex as you, illegal immigrants, tax inspectors, I mean, the list goes on." "I really liked Natasha," I said. "Oh sausage, you hardly knew her," said Mum, "If I got upset over every bloke, I hardly knew I'd never stop crying." "I feel like such a fool," I said. "Well I did tell you not to get your hopes up," said Mum. "Mum, this isn't helping," I said. "Listen sausage," she said, "Life is like a man's c*ck; sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down and sometimes it's really hard, but it doesn't stay really hard forever." There was a blunt pause. "Do you think any of what you're saying is helping?" I snapped. "Well I'm trying my best," said Mum. "Well it's bl**dy cr*p," I snapped, "I don't need you coming in here with your c*ck metaphors and saying I told you so. Just get lost and leave me alone."
I spent the rest of the day in my room and didn't go downstairs. I feel so humiliated and embarrassed. People are going to remember this for ages and I'm going to feel like a complete idiot for months to come.