I own NOTHING but my OCs Kevin, Alex, and Saya. Everything else, all rights go to their owners.
EXTREMELY sorry in advance for it being so SUPER long. You HAVE been warned lol. Now enjoy.
Bus Stop.
SAYA'S POV:
Kyle - "Hey, where's the school bus? We're gonna be late for football practice."
Saya/Alex - "Yeah, we know."
Kyle - "What?"
Saya - "Yeah, me AND Alex are on the team! Surprise!"
Kyle - "But he's not a Fourth Grader, so he CAN'T be on the team!"
Alex - "Actually, I CAN. Thanks to Saya. She wouldn't play unless I was on the team too. We're both kickers and runners, Saya especially."
Saya - "Yep!" I can feel my invisible tail wagging.
Kyle - "What!?"
Cartman - "Oh shut up you damn Jew!" Both me and Alex kicked him HARD for that one.
Saya/Alex - "No, you!" Kyle was shocked to see us do that in his honor.
Saya - "What? Me, Alex, and Papa aren't against Jews. Or red heads. Or gingers. I actually used to have a pen pal a year ago, but we unfortunately lost touch." *sad sigh* "Unfortunately. His pin name was Ninjew. I thought it was very creative, and cute at the same time. I knew he was a Jew from the very start, but I was never against that. I excepted fully. I told him EVERYTHING, as he did in turn. Come to think of it, I still have all the letters he sent me." I didn't notice Kyle's shocked look when I told him, but Alex did.
Kyle - "Um, what was YOUR pin name?"
Saya - "Oh, it was The Protector of course." I could tell he REALLY wanted to hug me for some reason. But suddenly a dog came up to us, stopping him. For now.
A dog walks up to the boys and Saya. 'Alex?' Alex - 'Yeah, I know. He's gay.' 'Just making sure I'm not smelling wrong.' Alex - 'You aren't.' 'Good.'
Stan - "Hiya, Sparky."
Saya - "Aw, cute dog."
Alex - "That he is."
Kyle - [Looking.] "Who's that?"
Stan - "That's my new dog Sparky. He followed me to the bus stop."
Kyle - "Wow! Cool!"
Stan - "Good boy, Sparky. Who's my best buddy? Who's the boy? Who's the buddy?"
Cartman - "Eh. You're making me sick, dude."
Saya/Alex - "No, you in general is making US sick." We fist pumped while the others laughed.
Stan - "He's part Doberman and part wolf. He's the toughest dog on the mountain." 'Alex?' Alex - 'Yeah, he's not mixed with those. Especially the wolf part.' 'Thought so.'
Cartman - "No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester is the toughest dog in South Park." Saya/Alex - 'Not unless you count our wolf forms.' Kenny - 'Thats true.' Saya/Alex - 'Oh, hey baby/kenny.' Kenny - 'Hey.'
Sylvester - "Arrrrrr. (Why am I doing this? I don't even want to be here)" 'Me and you both doggo.' Alex/Kenny - 'Got that right.'
Stan - "He's not meaner than Sparky." Saya/Alex - 'No, WE are actually.' I can hear Kenny trying not to laugh, and it makes me smile a bit. Thanks Kenny.
Cartman - "Oh yeah, let's see. Hey, Sylvester."
Sylvester comes over.
Stan - "Sparky'll kick his ass."
Saya - "Oh he'll do something to his ass alright." I playfully hit Alex's arm and he put his hands up in mock surrender still trying not to laugh. Oh I swear Alex.
Cartman - "I'll put a dollar on Sylvester."
Kyle - "You're on, dude."
Saya/Alex - "Five bucks on Sparky."
Kenny - "(Deal.)"
Sylvester starts after Sparky. Both dogs growl.
Stan - "That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!"
Sparky lunges after Sylvester and out of view. Aggressive panting can be heard. The boys stand there, shocked.
Cartman - "Heh, he's doing something to his ass. He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely doing something to his ass."
Saya - "Told you."
Stan - "Sparky, bad dog!"
Kenny - "(Oh my God, I think they're screwing.)"
Saya/Alex - "That's because they are."
Stan - "What?!" I tried to calm him down, but it doesn't work.
Cartman - "Yeah dude, I think your dog is gay."
Saya/Alex - "Like you are?"
Stan - "What do you mean?"
Cartman - "That dog is a gay homosexual."
looks back to study the situation, then...
Stan - "He's just confused."
Kyle - "I think the other dog's the one that's confused."
Kenny - "(No, check his penis.)"
Saya - "Kenny!" I smacked his arm for that one.
Kenny - "(Heh heh, sorry baby)"
Saya - "Good."
Kyle smiles.
Stan - "Sick, shut up dude."
Sparky pants happily while Sylvester slinks away.
Cartman - "Stan's dog's a homo. Stan's dog's a homo." I back kicked him in the whatever he calls nuts, HARD.
The bus pulls up.
Football Field, sideline before school.
SAYA'S POV:
Chef - "Okay children, I know that you're all extremely excited and nervous and anxious about the homecoming game against Middle Park."
Kyle - "Who's Middle Park?"
Saya - "It's our enemy team we're up against."
Chef - "Exactly Saya."
Cartman - "What's homecoming?" Both me and Alex face palmed at how fucking stupid he is. I fucking swear.
Chef - "But just remember what I taught you. That football is like making love to a reeeeeally beautiful woman. You can't always score, but when you do, it makes all the trying worthwhile." [Silence.] "Now, let's start practice."
Saya - "Well THAT'S disgusting."
Alex - "My thoughts exactly sis." We both looked at each other, and cringed at that. EWW!
Chef blows his whistle, and the kids hit the field. Ouch.
Pip - "Uh, Mr. Chef sir?" Oh dear. Poor kid.
Chef - "Yes Pip, what is it?"
Pip - "Well, I still don't have a helmet." Hang on kid, I got you covered.
Chef - "I know Pip, the school can't afford helmets for everybody."
Pip - "Yes, but, couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet every week? Does it always have to be me?"
Chef - "Yes Pip, I'm afraid it does." Yeah right.
Pip - "Oh."
Chef - "Sorry son, now get your ass in there."
Saya - "Hang on a minute you two."
Chef - "Yes Saya? Something wrong?"
Saya - "Yes. It's about him not having a helmet."
Chef - "But-"
Saya - "But nothing. Here Pip, you can have my old helmet." I handed him my original helmet.
Pip - "But, what about you?"
Saya - "Don't worry about it, okay? Me and Alex made our own helmets. They're MUCH tougher than the original ones. They're made from "dragon skin". Papa helped us with them. They can even stop a bullet if ever needed." They don't need to know they're made from ACTUAL dragon skin. Right? I was a bit caught off guard by the sudden hug, but I still hugged him back.
Pip - "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" I had to softly chuckle at that. He's just SO damn cute.
Saya - "It's no problem at all Pip, really. Now, get out there and play ball. Okay?"
Pip - "Of course I will! Thanks again for the helmet!" He shoved the helmet on, and took off for the field.
Chef - "Saya that was very sweet of you to do. But you didn't have to do that." I just waved it off.
Saya - "Come on Chef. It's no problem. Really. And besides, it WAS my original one anyways. So it's better use is to go to someone else who needs it more. Right? And you know me, I'm happy to help in any way that I can. No matter what it is. Right? And besides, his sister would kill me otherwise if something should happen to him."
Chef - "Wait, sister?"
Saya - "Bye Chef." I run back to my spot on the field next to Alex. I just love foreshadowing SO much. It messes with their heads. Alex loves doing it too. It's just SO much fun! Lol! Alex - 'Really sis?' 'Yes, really lol. And don't you get onto me about it since you love doing it too. Just, not as much.' [silence for a few beats] Alex - 'Touche.' 'Exactly lol.'
Alex - "That was very sweet of you to do sis."
Saya - "Thanks. And besides, it's not like I need it now anyways. Right?"
Alex - "True. Not now that we have our custom made ones."
Saya - "Exactly."
Stan - "Hut-hut-hut-hut-hut--hut. hut. hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut-hut."
Chef/Saya/Alex - [Impatiently.] "Hike the damn ball!"
Cartman hikes the ball over Stan's head. Stan chases it down. Kyle runs into Pip, opening a major gash on Pip's head. Ouch. Damn, poor kid.
Pip - "Aaaaaaaargh!"
Saya - "I got it!" I ran after it, passing Stan by a mile, and managed to do a midair sideways catch, and throw at the same time. Surprising everyone but Alex. It's one of my favorite moves to do after all lol.
Jimbo and Ned arrive.
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
Jimbo - "Hey, how's practice coming there Chef?"
Chef - [Distracted.] "Huh? Oh fine, fine."
Jimbo - "I don't have to remind you just how important this game is to us South Park Alumni."
Chef - "Elementary school alumni?"
Jimbo - "That's as far as most of us got. You think we have a shot at beating the spread against Middle Park this year?"
Chef - "I don't know. Wha- what's the spread?"
Jimbo - "Middle Park by 70 points."
Chef - "Hmmm."
They look towards the field, where Kenny tackles Cartman, causing him to drop the ball. But Alex came and snatched it up, and took off running to the goal. But Saya was HOT on his trail. She just managed to tackle him before he got too close.
Saya - "Nice one Kenny! Oh no hell ye don't Alex! Ha! Gotcha!"
Chef - "I don't think we have a chance."
Jimbo - "Nonsense! Not with my nephews at quarterback, and kicker/runner, and my niece at kicker/runner." [Yells.] "Right Stanley? Alex? Saya?"
Stan turns to see his uncle just as Cartman hikes.
Stan - "Huh?"
Saya/Alex - "Stan! Look out!"
The ball hits him on the side of the head. He picks it up and throws to Kyle.
Jimbo - "Thatta boy."
Chef - "Great pass Stan."
Jimbo - "Come on Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie."
On sideline after practice.
SAYA'S POV:
Chef - "Okay. That was a good practice children. We'll see you here again tomorrow."
Kyle - "Hey Stan, isn't that your dog?"
Stan - "Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice. You see, he is smart."
Clyde - "Ah, my dog Rex follows me to football practice all the time."
Stan - "Yeah, but my dog found his own way here. That makes him smarter than your-"
Saya - "Oh shit. Here we go again." *sigh*
Alex - "Got that right."
Sees Sparky lunge after Rex.
Stan - "Sparky, get down!"
Clyde - "Oh my God! What is he doing to my dog?"
Saya/Alex - "Fucking it apparently."
Cartman - "There he goes again."
Stan - "Get down Sparky! Down!"
Cartman - "Stan forgot to mention that his dog is a gay homosexual." Both me and Alex double back kicked him again. This time in the stomach."
Clyde - "Make him stop!"
Rex moves away with his tail between his legs.
Rex - "Yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe yipe! (Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!)"
Fosse and Bill pass by laughing.
Fosse - "I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay."
Saya - "That's because you have a cat."
Kyle - "How do you know that?"
Saya - "Oh, that's because 1: He has cat hair on him, 2: He also smells like cat, and 3: Don't even fucking think, OR say it kenny?!" I shot him a warning growl and glare.
Kenny - "(Heh heh.)"
Bill - "Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan." I made some grass grow to make him trip.
Fosse - "Gay dog." Double trip.
The bullies got up and walk away laughing, while Sparky walks up panting.
Mr. Garrison's Classroom. Start of school.
SAYA'S POV:
Cartman - "...And so you see, Simon & Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television."
Mr. Garrison - "Thank you for that presentation Eric, but the assignment was on Asian cultures. You get a "D-"."
Saya - "Ha!"
Cartman - "Ah, dammit!"
Mr. Garrison - "Who should we call on next Mr. Hat?" I still growl at that THING. Kenny gently grabs my hand to help calm me down some. But I know he's still pissed off at what happened to me. And I really don't blame him either.
Mr. Hat - "Well, how about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star?"
Mr. Garrison - "Oh, good idea. Okay Stanley, you're next."
Stan - "Um, I'm not really prepared either."
Saya - "It's okay Stan, go on."
Mr. Garrison - "Well, just make something up, like Eric did."
Saya - "Double ha!"
Cartman - "Oh shut up bitch!" I can feel the anger rolling of Kenny.
Saya - [Hushed.] "Easy there Kenny, it's fine. It really doesn't faze me at all. Okay?" I saw him nod even though he's still pissed off at him.
Stan - "Okay, uh. Asian culture has, plagued our fragile earth for many years. We must end it"
Mr. Garrison - "Excellent. "A-"."
Cartman - "Eeyy!"
Stan - "Wow, cool!"
Cartman - "Wait a minute, why the hell does he get an "A-"?"
Mr. Garrison - "Eric, Stanley just might lead our team to victory against the Middle Park Cowboys for the first time in decades. And we treat star athletes better because they're better people." And yet he gave me a "B-". I always KNEW he played favorites. Fuck sexist bastard.
Cartman - "That's not fair!"
Mr. Hat - "Life isn't fair kiddo, get used to it."
Cartman - "Stupid puppet." That's a fucking understatement.
Dismissal bell rings. But I decided to stay behind with Stan.
Mr. Garrison - "Don't forget your assignments tonight children, they're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan." Sexist fucking dickless and mateless bastard!
As everyone is leaving.
Stan - "Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question?"
Mr. Garrison - "Well of course Stanley, what is it?"
Stan - "What's a - homosexual?" Oh dear.
Mr. Garrison - "Hoh, well, Stanley, I guess you came to the right person. Sit down." Like hell you fucking are.
Stan sits. While I stand on his right.
Mr. Garrison - "Stanley, gay people... well- gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold black hearts, which pump not blood like yours and mine, but rather a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains which becomes the cause of their Naziesque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?" I growled VERY deep and low, making them both jump.
Saya - "Like fucking HELL they are you fucking sexist, dickless, AND mateless bastard! My brother and Papa are gay, and there is NOTHING fucking wrong with that!"
Stan - "Um, I guess?"
Mr. Garrison - "Good, I'm glad we could have this little talk Stanley. Now you go outside and practice football like a good little heterosexual." I growled at him still, and grabbed Stan's hand, pulling us the fuck out of there.
Bus stop. The boys and a still pissed off Saya get off the bus.
SAYA'S POV:
Cartman - "You guys see me block that defense today, I was kicking ass."
Kyle - "You're gonna need to kick more ass than that to beat the Cowboys."
Cartman - "Hey, speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog." I elbowed him in the chest, while Alex elbowed him in the stomach. Alex was extremely pissed off too when I told him what the teacher said. And believe me, Papa will NOT be happy at all.
Stan - "Shut up dude!"
Saya - "Really." There was still a slight growl in my voice. Kenny was pissed too after I told him what that THING said. But right now, he's still trying to help calm me down. And unfortunately we have to go to our own homes, for now.
Sparky comes up panting with a pink scarf on. Cute
Stan - "Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf?"
Sparky - "Bark, bark. (Big gay Al.)"
Cartman - "Man, that is the gayest dog I've ever seen."
Stan - "He just needs some training, that's all. Sit Sparky."
Sparky sits.
Stan - "Good boy, now shake."
Sparky shakes.
Stan - "Goood boy. Now, don't be gay."
Waiting for the command to sink in.
Stan - "Don't be gay Spark. Don't be gay."
Sparky looks at Stan with confusion and growls. Oh dear.
Kyle - "Did it work?"
Alex - "Nope."
Stan - "I don't know."
Cartman - "He still looks pretty gay to me."
Bill - "Huh, huh."
Fosse - "Hey Stan, your dog been to any Pride marches lately?" *Trip.*
Bill - "Huh huh, meh, yeah, maybe you should take him to a Barbara Streisand concert." [They laugh.] "Stupid little gay dog." *Double trip.*
Fosse - "Gay dog." *Triple trip.*
Stan - "Come on you guys, I have an idea."
Saya - "Oh this gotta be good. But unfortunately, I'm going to be missing it. I'm going home to train. You Alex?"
Alex - "Yeah. Same."
Kenny - "(You going to be okay Saya?)"
Saya - "Yeah. I'll be fine. I'm just going to be hitting the punching bag is all. Maybe go for a run later."
Kenny - "(Okay..)"
Saya - "Don't worry about it sweetie, I'll be just fine. Okay?"
Kenny - "(Okay, I trust your word.)" If only you knew sweetie, if only you knew.
Saya - "Thank you Kenny." I gave him a small kiss on the nose. As me and Alex walk away, I faintly whisper, always remember that I love you. Not knowing that he actually heard it. And got the hidden message behind it.
After we got home, I went straight to the basement, and into my hidden areas. But I went to the gym one this time. While Alex talk to Papa about what happened with that THING. A few hours later, they came in and started to hit the bags too. Good thing Papa helped us with boxing, since he WAS a world class champion. That is until 20 years ago. That guy SO fucking cheated, and almost killed Papa. It was almost ten hours later when I decided to leave for late dinner since they knew never to mess with me when I'm like that, then go back at it for a few more hours, then bed. But unfortunately even after all of that, I STILL wasn't even tired. So I decided to go for that run. I left them a note, and timing it. I changed into a regular black cat with sapphire blue eyes, took Mystery with me, and we both took off running on the roofs. I was finally getting tired when I fell off the roof of a random building and broke my right front leg.
Someone must have heard the crash, and my cat yell. I was in SO much pain, that I couldn't even move. I heard some movement in front of me, and the sweet muffled voice of Kenny calling out.
Kenny - "(Hello? Anyone there?)" Oh shit.
I saw him coming closer, but then Mystery jumped down in front of me, and was keeping him away by hissing, growling, and swiping at him.
Kenny - "(Wait, Mystery? What are you doing way out here? Where's Saya?)" Both of us saw him start to panic a bit while looking around for me. Not happening kid. I went to move, but that made the pain worse, and made me cry out in pain. I heard running, and when I looked up, I saw Kenny's very concerned eyes. I tried to move away acting like a stray cat. I've done this before, so I know what to do. But the pain was just too much. I was actually starting to pass out from it.
Kenny - "(Hey, hey. Don't close your eyes kitty. Come on, you need to keep them open. Shit. Sorry kitty. Come on.)" He very slowly and carefully picked me up and held me close as he ran back to his house, and then his room with Mystery hot on his heels. Even with my eyes closed, I can still see through Mystery. Apparently he was trying to help me by making a splint for me. He's so called parents didn't think I'd make it, but his sweet adorable little sister said that I would. She even gave me some warm water, and half of a aspirin to help with the pain. Mystery appeared to love her though, which I'm thankful for since she's usually very temperamental around others. After making sure I was as comfortable as possible, we went to sleep. I did make a new note as Kenny slept, and sent it home. It wasn't until a few hours later that I woke up, but I was still in Kenny's arms. Unfortunately I needed to use the bathroom, and as degrading as it is, I have to as a cat. When I came limping back in, I saw Kenny awake, and looking for me. Huh.
Saya - "Meow!"
Kenny - "(Oh Sapphire! There you are!)"
Saya - "Meow?" Sapphire? Really kid?
Kenny - "(Oh, um. It's because of your eyes. They look like Sapphires..)" Huh. He does have a point after all. And it looks like Mystery went back home. Or not. She just came through the window, with....a dead...rat. Gross. She can SO have that. No thanks. I slowly limp to him, and very gently picked me up. But it still hurts.
Sapphire (Saya) - "Meow."
Kenny - "(Oh. Sorry Sapphire. Now come on let's go back to sleep.)" We got comfortable, and fell asleep. But four hours later, I had to leave. Sorry kid.
When I got home, I was thankfully not in trouble. But I did get a warning to be more careful for now on.
Sports Book, Ned and Jimbo enter. Two big-screen monitors show horse races. One of the five smaller screens above show a race as well.
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
Jimbo - "I want $500 on the South Park Cows."
Bookie - "Are you crazy?"
Jimbo - "No siree. I'm telling you, I got the line. My nephews Stan and Alex, and niece are the best quarterback and kickers/runners the school has ever seen. I guarantee they'll beat the spread."
Gambler 1 - "I want to put all my money on the Cows."
Gambler 2 - "Duh, duh, I think I'll put 300 on the Cows too."
Gambler 3 - "Hey, I want to put some money on the Cows too."
Female Gambler 1 - "I got 500 on the Cows."
Female Gambler 2 - "Well, I'll put my money on the Cows."
Jimbo - "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't get too carried away now..."
Gambler 4 - "You better be right about this Jimbo."
Jimbo - "Hehe, yeah. Don't- don't worry yourself."
Ned - "Are you sure Stan, Alex, and Saya is that good?"
Jimbo - "Well not that sure. I think we better come up with a backup plan. Uhh, let's see here. Hey, bookie! Wha- what's the halftime show gonna be?"
Bookie - "You haven't heard?! John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is gonna sing 'Loving You'."
Ned - "I love that song."
Jimbo - "'Loving You'? That's perfect! Come on Ned, Middle Park's gonna get a Halftime show they'll never forget."
In front of Stan's house, a large crate sits next to the kids.
STAN'S POV:
Stan - "Okay Sparky, we got you a present. Now why don't-"
Stan notices a pink scarf on Sparky.
Stan - "Damn it Sparky, where do you keep getting this thing?!"
He grabs the scarf.
Stan - "No pink bandannas Sparky, bad dog! Now pay attention. Sparky, this is Fifi."
The crate opens and Fifi, a French poodle, comes out.
Kyle - "Ooh-la-la."
Fifi sniffs some. Sparky starts following her.
Cartman - "There he goes."
Stan - "Atta boy Spark, get her."
Sparky climbs atop Fifi.
Stan - "Yes!"
Sparky pulls Fifi's collar off and into the air, catching it around his neck.
Stan - "Ah crap! Now what do I do?"
Kyle - "Who cares if your dog is gay? Maybe it's not that bad. Saya's Papa and Alex are gay. And Alex is fun to hang with! Same with Kevin from what Kenny told us. Right?" I saw Kenny nod his head. But his eyes seems a bit cloudy, like he's remembering something. Huh. I wonder what happened. Maybe it has something to do with Saya missing for a week.
Cartman - "No way dude, my mom says God hates gay people. That's why he smote those sodomies in France." Saya and Alex would've hit him for that. And I guess Kenny was thinking the same thing, and hit him for them. They're definitely rubbing off on him. All of us actually now that I think about it.
Kenny - "(I think that Garrison said that gay people suck.)" Really dude? Saya would've hit you for that one.
Stan - "I know Mr. Garrison said that homosexuals are evil, but, but Sparky doesn't seem evil."
Kyle - "Well, maybe Mr. Garrison is wrong. You should ask somebody else. Like maybe Alex, or Kevin?"
Stan - "Like who?"
Inside Stan's house, Jesus and Pals' title screen is on TV.
TV Announcer - "And now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park public access."
Jesus - "Yea, many of you are seeking answers, and I am the way for you my children. Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions... Hello caller, you're on the air." [Beep.]
Robert - "Yeah, is, is this Jesus?"
Jesus - "Yes my son."
Robert - "This, this is Robert from Torrey Pines. I called last week asking for advice on my ex-wife."
Jesus - "Of course Robert. How are things now?"
Robert - "Well, every, everything's much better Jesus. She hasn't mouthed off since- I just wanted to thank you for the advice. Oh, and for, for dying for my sins, that was really nice of you."
Jesus - "Blessed art thou, Robert. Next caller, you're on the air." [Beep.]
Stan - "Uh, hi, Jesus. I, I have a dog, and he's a- he's a homosexual."
Jesus - "My son, a lot of people have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is. So I'd like to state once and for all, my true opinion. You see-"
The station's logo pops up.
TV Announcer - "That's all the time we've left for Jesus and Pals, now stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews."
Stan - "Damn it!"
Kyle - "What'd he say?"
Stan - "I got cut off for Marty's stupid Movie Reviews."
Cartman - "Oh, Marty's Movie Reviews are on, kick ass!"
Stan - "Isn't there anybody who can help me? Isn't there anybody who cares?"
Kyle - "Come on dude, we have to get to practice."
Stan - "No, it's not okay! I don't want a gay dog!"
Outside, Sparky overhears this.
Stan - "I want a butch dog! I want a Rin-tin-tin!"
Sparky grouses, digs a hole, and makes his way out of the yard. He wanders into the mountains, looks back once more, and is gone.
On the sideline at practice.
ALEX'S POV:
Chef - "Now children, we've got to handle the ball better. You got to hold your football like you hold your lover." [Music starts.] "Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time. Oh yeah!" [Sinks into the mood.]
Alex - "Gross!" 'Damn I REALLY hope Saya's okay...' Kenny - 'Where is she anyways?' 'Still training.' Kenny - 'Wait, WHAT!? It's been what, FIVE HOURS now! Is she okay!?' I can really tell he was starting to really panic, so I tried to calm him down. 'Easy Kenny. She's fine. Really. She's tough. She's just EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY protective of who she considers family is all. And that includes you Kenny. You ARE her mate after all. Right?' Kenny - 'Right. Wait, she does? But, what happened to her original family?...' 'Yes, she does. And um, that's a story for her to tell when she's ready. Okay?' Kenny - 'Oh, okay then. I'll give her time to tell me when she's ready.' 'Thanks Kenny, that means a lot to us.' Kenny - 'No problem. I TRULY care about her. I promise.' Only I saw the faint glow of the wolf necklace Saya gave him through his jacket. A Soul Promise. Those are very rare since if you break it, they will too. Only an immortal's mate can kill you permanently. And knowing Saya, she'll take all of it. Damn it Saya. 'Thats excellent to hear. I'm glad.' Not knowing way later down the road, he breaks not only his promise, but Saya as well.
"Just like makin' sweet love to the football.
Feelin' naughty with the football.
Mmmm."
Kyle - "Uh, Chef?"
Chef - "Spank it, ever so gently."
Kyle - "Chef."
Chef - "Spank it."
Kyle - "Chef!"
Chef - "Oh, uhuhh, sorry children. Uhuh, let's run some plays."
Pip - "Uh, Mr. Chef sir?"
Chef - "No Pip, we still don't have a replacement helmet for you. Just use the cracked one for now."
Pip - "Righto, but how about I use a temporary helmet today, and one of the other children goes without?"
Chef - "That wouldn't be very fair to the other children, now would it?"
Pip - "No um, I guess not."
Carl's Bomb's And Explosives and Accessories.
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
Jimbo - "What we'll have to do here Carl is put a trigger on that bomb that makes it go off at a specific moment during halftime."
Carl - "What moment would that be?"
Jimbo - "Well, John Stamos' older brother is all set to sing 'Loving You' during halftime. We want that bomb to go off when he hits that high F."
Carl - "What high F?"
Jimbo - "You know,
Loving you is easy 'cause you're beautiful doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo... Aaaaah."
Carl - "Right, right, so you want the trigger on the doo-nn-doo?"
Jimbo - "No, dammit! The Aaaaah."
Carl - "Aaaaahh."
Ned - "Aaaaahh."
Jimbo - "Aaaaahh."
Carl - "Aaaaahh."
Jimbo - "Great, we..."
Carl - "Doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo - Aaah."
Ned - "Doo-nn-doo-doo"
Jimbo - "You got it..."
Carl - "Doo-nn-doo-nn-doo-doo..."
Ned - "Aaa - dooo"
Jimbo - "Aaaaahh."
Carl - "Alright, yeah, okay..."
On the sideline at practice.
ALEX'S POV:
Chef - "What's the matter Stan, you seem down."
Stan - "I just, I can't concentrate 'cause my dog is gay."
Chef - "Well, you know what they say: you can't teach a gay dog straight tricks."
Alex - "That's true."
Coming up to see what's the matter.
Mr. Garrison - "Oh, stop filling his head with that queer-loving propaganda."
Alex - "HEY!" I was still really pissed off at what IT said before, so I know there was a growl in my voice.
Chef - "Say what?! You of all people should be sympathetic."
Alex - "Yeah you dickless AND mateless bastard!"
Mr. Garrison - "What do you mean?"
Chef - "Well, you're gay aren't you?"
Alex - "Hell fuck yeah IT is, and I should know!" I know I'm getting odd looks from them, but I really don't fucking care right now.
Mr. Garrison - "What?! What the hell are you talking about?! I am not gay."
Alex - "Like fucking HELL you are!"
Mr. Garrison - "That's it out of you! Detention for a week!" IT just got really confused when the others started to laugh while I just stood there with my arms crossed and smiling cockingly. "What?"
Alex - "I'm not even in your class."
Mr. Garrison - "What's your name?"
Alex - "Alex, Alex Shade." He was shocked when IT realized just who's he's messing with. The others were laughing at his shocked look.
Chef - "Well, you sure do act like it."
Alex - "Got that fucking right." Oh I really can't wait to show Saya this memory. She'll get a kick out of it.
Mr. Garrison - "I just act that way to get chicks, dumb-ass."
Chef looks puzzled, wondering.
On the field.
STAN'S POV:
Kyle runs up from behind.
Kyle - "What's the matter dude?"
Stan - "I don't know where Sparky is. He usually follows me to football practice."
Cartman - "Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants." [Stan and Alex punches him.] "Ow!"
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
Snowy mountains. Sparky is trekking through the snow, stops, and looks around. A floating castle nears him. It's Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.
Big Gay Al - "Hello there little pup, I'm Big Gay Al."
Sparky looks at him.
Big Gay Al - "Have you been outcast?"
Sparky pants an affirmative.
Big Gay Al - "Well, then I'm so glad you found my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary. We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us?"
Sparky pants an affirmative.
Big Gay Al - "Come on in little fellow, nobody will ever oppress you here."
Kenny, Kyle, Saya, and Cartman are at the Bus Stop.
SAYA'S POV:
Saya - "Hey Kenny." I noticed that he seemed really down about something. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Kenny - "(Oh, hey Saya. I hope you're feeling better today after what happened. Oh, um, I'm just really worried about this hurt cat I found last night night. Mystery was with her. But when I woke up this morning, she was gone.)"
Saya - "I'm doing better today actually. I'm sure she's fine. She probably just went back home. Wait, Mystery was with her?"
Kenny - "(I'm glad to hear that. I guess. Yeah, she was.)"
Saya - "Huh. I'm going to have to ask her then after school."
Kyle - "Hey speaking of which, where IS she anyways?"
Saya - "Oh, she's back at home being checked by Papa since our so called teacher hit her with his car on the way here. So Alex took her back home. So he'll be here in a bit." I know they were really shocked to hear that.
Kyle - "Wait, WHAT!?"
Saya - "Yeah. IT was trying to hit me and Alex, but she somehow managed to push us out of the way, and took the hit instead. He was aiming for us since Alex is gay, and since I'm his sister, he thinks I'm gay too. But I'm not. Actually, I'm bisexual. It means that I'm into both males and females. But I'm more straight though, so don't worry about it Kenny."
Stan and Alex walks up.
Saya - "Hey Alex. How is she?"
Alex - "Hey Saya. She's recovering really fast, so she'll be back to her old self by tomorrow." I was just so relieved to hear that.
Saya - "Oh thank the GODS! I'm so glad to hear that."
Stan - "Have you guys seen Sparky, he still hasn't come back."
Saya/Alex - "No, sorry."
Kyle - "Wow, it's been like two days."
Stan - "I think he might've run away."
Cartman - "Did you check the shopping ma-" [Stan and Alex punches him.] "Ow!"
Kyle - "We'll help you look for him after the game Stan."
Stan - "I'm not playing." Me and Alex looked at each other. Uh oh.
Kyle - "You what?!"
Stan - "I'm not playing in that stupid game. I have to find my dog." [Leaves.]
Saya - "Go with him Alex. Don't worry, I'll be fine." But we both know that I'm going to die a brutal death again. Sorry Alex, but I NEED to protect my mate
Middle Park Elementary School.
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
Jimbo - [Whispering.] "Come on Ned, and keep quiet."
Ned - [Louder.] "Okay."
They climb over the fence and approach the Middle Park mascot, a horse.
Jimbo - "Hello there, Enrique."
Ned - "What are we doing here?"
Jimbo - "Well Ned, we always kidnapped Middle Park's mascot. But this year we're gonna booby-trap it instead."
Jimbo puts the bomb on Enrique's back.
Jimbo - "And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F in "Loving You", Boom!"
Enrique gets wide-eyed.
Jimbo - "No more Middle Park players."
Enrique starts to tremble.
Ned - "Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha."
Jimbo - [Laughs.] "God damn, I love football!"
Stormy mountains.
ALEX'S POV:
Stan - "Sparky! Where are you?! Where could he be?"
Alex - "Sparky! Where you at dog!? Don't know kid."
South Park Elementary.The Middle Park Cowboys exit the bus.
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
Cowboys - "Kill that Ken! Kill that Ken!"
South Park Football Field. The bleachers are filled with fans decked out in COWS! gear. Even Ike is wearing a GO COWS shirt and bouncing about.
Frank - "Hello everyone, this is Frank Hammond, South Park public radio, AM 900, Welcome to tonight's match-up between the Middle Park Cowboys and the South Park Cows."
Pounds the table, and Phil's mike falls over. He scans the sidelines.
Frank - "Well, it looks like Chef, the South Park Cows coach looks a little nervous. This is probably because his star quarterback, and second star kicker/runner has yet to show up."
Chef - [Between his teeth.] "Oohh, come on Stan, and Alex."
Pip - "Uh, Mr. Chef, if Stanley doesn't show up, can I use his helmet?"
Chef - "No Pip, I'm sorry!"
Stormy mountains.
ALEX'S POV:
Stan - "Sparky! Sparky!"
Alex - Sparky! Come on Sparky! We have treats!"
Stan - "Wait, we do?"
Alex - "Well, yeah. Me, Saya, and Kevin ALWAYS carry treats with us."
Stan - "Cool!"
South Park Football Field, first quarter. The game is about to begin.
KENNY'S POV:
Referee - "Play ball."
Chef - "You're gonna have to quarterback, Kyle."
Kyle - "But I never practiced quarterback."
Saya - "Me and Alex have. But we're not very good. Sorry."
Chef - "It's a little late for that bull-crap now."
Frank - "Filling in for quarterback is number 12, Kyle Broflovski."
Mr. Garrison - "Heyhey, where is little Stanley?"
Mr. Hat - "Yeah, why the hell is that little Jewish kid playing quarterback?" I actually jumped a bit from Saya very low and deep growl. I was about to grab her hand to help calm her down, but we had to go back to field unfortunately. I have a very bad feeling about this.
Jimbo - "Ned, look."
Middle Park's mascot, Enrique, is shown.
Jimbo - "They've got Enrique on their sidelines, and it looks like that bomb's still attached."
Ned - "Yay."
Stan and Alex follows Stan's dog's footprints and finds themselves facing Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.
ALEX'S POV:
Big Gay Al - "Hi little fellas, how are you doing today?"
Alex - "Oh, hey uncle." He was really surprised to see me again after all these years.
Big Gay Al - "Oh, hello there my dear nephew! It's so super to see you again! We should really have tea some time! And you should so bring your mate, and new little sister too!"
Alex - "I'll make sure I do."
Big Gay Al - "Super!"
Stan - "Fine, how are you?"
Big Gay Al - "I'm super, thanks for asking."
Stan - "My gay dog ran away, and I was wondering if maybe he came here."
Big Gay Al - "Well, let's see. Come on in. Hmm." [They enter.]
Stan - "D'you have lots of gay dogs here?"
Big Gay Al - "We have all sorts of gay animals here at Big Gay Al's. Over here we have a gay lion."
Gay Lion - "Rooaar. (Hello there little lambs.)"
Alex - "Grrrr. (I am NOT a lamb lion!)" I had a slight warning growl in my voice.
Gay lion - "Rooaar. (Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding Wolf.)"
Alex - "Grrrr. (Good.)"
Big Gay Al - "And we have gay water buffalo, gay hummingbirds, here's a gaggle of gay gooses. Hi fellas, it's so super to see you!"
Stan - "Wow, seems like the animals here are really happy."
Big Gay Al - "Of course they are, silly buns. It's the one place where gay animals can really be themselves. Do you like to dance?"
Alex - "Of course! Always!" Me, Kevin, and Saya love to dance. Well, Saya used to. But hopefully being here will help her. And she needs all the help she can get.
Big Gay Al - "Super!"
They enter the techno-dance floor as disco music plays. Animals pour in to dance, even a dolphin on its tail.
Vocalist - "Oww, we can both be gay!"
KENNY'S POV:
In the huddle. The Cows win the coin toss.
Kyle - "Cartman, you hike me the ball, then somebody run, and I'll throw it at something. Ready?!"
HuddleBreak!
At the line of scrimmage.
Cowboy 1 - "You guys are toast."
Cowboy 2 - "Yeah, we're gonna pound your heads in."
Cartman - "We'll just see about that."
Saya - "Got that right bitch."
Kyle - "Set, set."
Cartman farts long and nasty right into Kyle's face. Kyle quickly retreats.
Kyle - "Damn it Cartman!"
Chef - "What's the matter?"
Kyle - "Cartman farted!"
Cartman - "No I didn't. That was just my shoes."
Saya - "Yes hell ye did!" Wait, ye? Hang on, what happened last time she said that? Wait, I just realized something. The last time she said that, she got a flag pole in the head! But this time, were playing football... NO! Maybe, maybe I can prevent it from happening this time!
Chef - "Come on Kyle. We'll get a delay of game penalty."
Kyle - "No way dude!"
Chef/Saya - "Hike! The! Ball!"
Kyle is back in position, with his shirt covering his nose.
Kyle - "Ah, dude, weak."
Cartman - "That's right, you get back there."
Saya - "Sick disgusting bastard."
Kyle - "Hut."
FrankThe ball is snapped. Middle Park blitzes.
Screaming as Kyle is tackled.
Frank - "Fumble, Middle Park gets the ball. They run it in for a TOUCHDOWN! The score is 7-nothing Middle Park, with 14:57 remaining in the first quarter."
Jimbo - "Hell's bells."
Frank - "Why, I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King."
Phil quickly covers the mic.
Phil - "Now Frank, that's not very PC. You're gonna get us in trouble again."
Frank - "Right, right, uh. I gotta watch that."
Townsman 1 - "We lose our money 'cause of your nephews, we're gonna hang you up to dry, Jimbo."
Jimbo - "Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime, heheh."
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Dance Floor.
ALEX'S POV
Vocalist - "...both be gay."
Alex, and Stan dancing with a monkey, then sees Sparky.
Stan - "Sparky! Hiya Sparky, how's it goin'?"
Sparky - "Ruff. (Hi. Going great now.)"
Stan - "I missed you old pal, you really had me scared."
Sparky - "Barr. (I missed you too. Sorry.)"
Stan - "Come on, let's go home. I can still make it in time for the game."
Sparky follows Stan.
Stan - "We can work on making you not gay together." Oh I Fucking swear. *Sigh*
Sparky stops and sits.
Stan - "Sparky?"
Big Gay Al - "Young man, it appears you still don't understand."
Alex - "That's for damn sure."
Stan - "What don't I understand?"
Big Gay Al - "Come this way, I have to show you something."
Alex - "Oh this is going to be so much fun! You'll just love this."
Stan - "Huh? What do you mean?"
Alex - "Oh, you'll see hehe."
Stan - "Um, okay then.."
South Park Football Field, second quarter.
KENNY'S POV:
Frank - "With just over a minute to go in the half the score is Middle Park Cowboys 52, South Park Cows 0."
Kyle - "Hut, hut."
Cartman snaps the ball to Kyle. The Cowboys blitz. Kyle flips the ball back to Pip, who is still without a replacement helmet. The Cowboys players descend on him as soon as he catches the ball.
Frank - "Oh no, I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant."
Muffling Frank.
Phil - "Dude! Now that is not cool."
Frank - "Sorry, sorry."
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride.
ALEX'S POV:
Big Gay Al - "Okay Stan, I think you should get in line for my Big Gay Boat Ride."
Stan looks at the boat.
Big Gay Al - "Step aboard, Stanley."
He, Sparky, and Alex step aboard the boat.
Big Gay Al - "Hello everyone, and welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride. On this adventure we'll be seeing the world of gayness throughout time."
South Park Football Field. South Park's final drive before the halftime show.
KENNY'S POV:
Frank - "And the South Park Cows are set to receive..."
The Cowboys kick off.
Frank - "There's the kick. It's taken by number 23, Kenny McCormick. But then number 19, Saya Phoenix came up fast, and took the ball from him."
Saya weaves through the special teams.
Frank - "She's at the 50, the 40, the 30."
Cowboys - "Hold her, hold her!"
Two of them take hold of Saya's arms. Shit, NO!
Cowboys - "Hold her, hold her!"
Cowboy - "Yaaah!"
A Third Cowboy dives in, taking Saya's head off, as the other two sever Saya's arms. NO! She knew, she fucking KNEW! And yet AGAIN, I wasn't able to prevent it from happening! A-FUCKING-GAIN!
Kenny - "(NO! SAYA!)" I'm crying SO hard right now. WHY!?
Frank - "The little running back is down. I think she's..."
Rats come in to devour Saya's corpse. NO!
Frank - "Yes, she's been decapitated."
Kyle - [Gasp.] "Oh my God, they killed Saya! You Bastards!"
Phil - "Hah, that's gotta hurt, Frank."
Frank - "How true!"
Chef - "Hey, come on. That was roughing. At least let us scrape her off the field."
Frank - "Looks like the South Park Cows aren't even gonna beat the 72 point spread. Not by a long shot."
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride.The boat-ride begins the passage through several animatronic scenes.
ALEX'S POV:
Big Gay Al - "You see, gayness has existed since the beginning of time. From the Egyptian pharaohs, to the shoguns of Japan."
Alex - "Shit" *cough cough* I felt Saya just get killed.
Stan - "You okay Alex?"
Alex - "Yeah. I just swollowed wrong." Uncle Al giggled softly at my gay joke. Damn it Saya.
The tips of the Japanese soldiers' swords touch.
Big Gay Al - "Uh oh, look out, it's the oppressors. Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!"
Big Gay Al fires off a shot with his pistol. Fake of course. I can always tell them apart. Me and Saya can actually. No thanks to our "training" from The Lab. Fucking dickless AND mateless bastards! If Saya wasn't immortal...
Big Gay Al - "Ohhh! Oh God, that was close. Okay, let's steer our Big Gay Boat out of here and into a place where gays are allowed to live freely."
Doors open to reveal a scene reminiscent of 'It's a Small World.'
Boat Ride Singers - "We're all gay, and it's okay,
'Cause gay means happy and happy means gay.
We're not sad anymore, cause we're out the closet door.
It's okay, hey, to be gay!"
Big Gay Al - "Sooo, what do you think Stan?"
Still singing.
"...It's okay to be gay..."
Stan - "This kicks ass! I'm sorry I tried to change you Spark, I just didn't understand."
Alex - "But now you do."
Stan - "Yeah!"
Still singing.
"It's okay to be gay. Shalala Waylaylay Shalala Waylaylay It's okay to be gay."
Big Gay Al - [To himself.] "Isn't this precious?"
Alex - "That it is uncle, that it is."
To be continued in part 2.
(8038 words minus this.)