Annie's POV
"What about this one?" Madison asked.
I looked up at the movie she was holding and shook my head, "Nah."
She tossed it in the movie pile we made on the floor of disenchantments. I watched as she continued to look through the movie shelf, each of us not finding a good enough movie.
"Annie." Marissa said from the doorway.
"Yeah?"
"Tell me the truth." She nervously said. "What is this?"
I spun around on my heal and saw her holding up my bloody sweatshirt. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. A gazillion things started racing through my mind. I need an excuse! Time is running out. Fuck. Did she tell Demi? Does Demi know? I was just about to open my mouth and spill everything. Have all my secrets out in the open. Almost.
"It's from me." Mad casually said. "That's my sweatshirt. I was riding my penny board over here earlier and I fell and scraped up my knee pretty bad. I had the sweatshirt in my hand so I fell on top of it."
"But-" Marissa started.
Madison pulled up her jeans and sure enough nasty scrapes were all across her knee. It looked like she must've skidded a little bit.
"Oh," Marissa sighed in relief. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." Madison shrugged, throwing more movies in the pile. "I'm fine."
Maybe Marissa is either really gullible, or maybe the story actually sounded half true if I wasn't in panic mode.
"Alright, well, I'm going to go change and then we'll be down for the movie night!" Marissa said wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
Madison laughed, "Okay."
Once she left the room, I quickly looked over at Mads who was scanning through the movie shelf like nothing happened.
"Madison,-"
She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "It's time to tell Demi."
ONE WEEK LATER
Song- Little Do You Know
By- Alex & Sierra
It's getting worse and worse. I struggle just getting through the day. The sadness has grown on me.. It's became a part of me. I feel myself slowly slipping away piece by piece. I try to be happy, oh god, I try so hard. I try for Demi, I try for Marissa, I try for Wilmer, I try for Madison, I try for myself. It's just not enough.
I have to fight and fight just to keep going.
And I'm tired of fighting.
I've never experienced this kind of pain before. I've never dreaded waking up in the morning. Sure, I would dread it because I had to go to school or something stupid. But I've never dreaded having to wake up to live.
Yeah, some people probably would tell me how pathetic I am because I'm sad over something so stupid. But, it's not that simple. It started with Conner, but then it proceeded onto Twitter, my body, my weight, trying to live up to people's expectations, and then just one day.. I let myself go.
I'm beginning to have hunger pains that felt like they were killing me. My stomach probably is hungry, but I am not. I've gone two whole weeks without a proper meal. How Demi hasn't found out, I'm not sure. She trusts me and that makes me a whole lot more guilty.
"Baby, do you want to put a movie in or something and cuddle?" Demi cheesed from the couch.
I was at the island in the kitchen, gripping onto the granite for dear life. I relaxed my fingers and took a deep breath so the tears that have been threatening to fall for hours, won't.
"Yeah." I said. "I'm gonna change real fast."
I started for the staircase, running up to Demi's room. I'll just put a pair of her sweatpants and a t-shirt on because it's most comfortable.
When I got into her closet, I hurriedly changed so I wouldn't risk looking at myself in her full body mirror.
I walked into the bathroom and looked at my exhausted face. How can Demi not tell I'm tore apart inside? How can she think everything is okay when everything isn't? Sure, I put on a show for her, but Demi being Demi, I was 100% sure she'd see right through it.
I put my hair up into a messy bun and began brushing my teeth. Is there a way to make all of this go away? Is there something I could do right now to make all the sadness go away? Anything. I honesty don't think I can last another night, let alone a day, with this pain. I spit out the toothpaste when the idea hit me.
I crouched down and opened Demi's medicine cabinet, rummaging through the very very back. My eyes scanned through all the labels until they landed on a specific one.
I grasped my hand around it and pulled it to me. I half smiled.
Antidepressants.
Demi has kept these from when she was depressed. I don't know why she kept them, but she did. Thank the lord. Aren't antidepressants supposed to make you, like, super happy?
I filled up a mouthwash cup with water and tossed about 3 or 4 pills of the medication down my throat. I'm going to be happy in no time. I hope.
I put the cap back onto the container and placed it back from where I got it. Afraid Demi will somehow hear the cabinet shut, I carefully and slowly closed it.
I then walked back downstairs and into the living room where Demi was waiting with a huge blanket and Pitch Perfect playing on the TV.
I climbed in beside Demi and snuggled up to her, instantly feeling warmth. Although all I could feel inside was pain, Demi somehow mends it and makes it a little bit more bearable.
Come on, Annie. If you can't hold on for yourself, hold on for Demi.
A while later, I felt Demi lifting me from the couch princess style, as we call it, and heading towards the stairs. I fake slept the whole time just in case she would make me walk on my own.
I can't wait to get into Demi's bed, where I can fall into a deep slumber. Sleep is the only place I can escape from my problems. Where I can be in Demi's arms, and pain free at the same time.
I felt myself being lowered onto the pillows, then soon Demi's body being pressed up against my own. Our limbs found their way to our usual position, where I let sleep take over.
•
Still half asleep, I felt my body jolt up straight with sweat just melting off my face, arms, legs, everything. Then it hit me.
Sharp, sharp, pains stabbed me in the stomach repeatedly, making me moan out loud. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and began to panic. What was happening?
All of a sudden, a bigger force began taking stabbing my stomach. I doubled over in pain, and began to sob out loud. What the fuck is happening?
"Annie?" I heard Demi's urgent voice ask. I heard the bedside lamp flick on when a gasp escaped Demi's mouth. "Oh, baby! Oh, no! What's happening? Annie, talk!"
"Mommy, help!" I sobbed, clutching onto my stomach as the pain got worse.
"Are you going to be sick?! What's happening?" She began to freak out.
I shook my head no, as hot tears burned down my face. Or was it sweat? Both. Definitely both.
I felt Demi pull me onto her lap and I continued to let out heart wrenching sobs, "Mom! It's killing me!"
I didn't begin to really freak out until I heard Demi start crying, "Come on, baby girl. Let's go!"
She swooped me up, high tailing towards the door. I caught a glimpse of the bed and saw how soaked my half was. It was all sweat. Panting, I let out a whole new round of sobs.
"Baby, everything's going to be okay! Breathe, princess, please breathe!" She cried.
I sucked in air, but it only hurt worse. I literally felt like someone is taking the sharpest knife in the world and stabbing me repeatedly.
Demi grabbed two pair of flip flops before running out of the door, me still in her arms. Hopefully she won't drop me.
With one hand, she swung open the car door and gently sat me in the passengers seat, then hurriedly fastened my seatbelt.
I watched the horror in her eyes as she ran to her side of the car and jumped in, jiggling the keys into the ignition.
"Mommy," I sobbed. "What's happening to me?"
"I don't know, baby. Breathe. It's going to be okay!" She tired reassuring both of us.
As she pulled out, I heard her calling the hospital, alerting them of my condition and how they need to be ready, which totally freaked me out. I hate hospitals.
Oh my gosh. It's seriously twisting and stabbing over and over and over and it never stops. I feel like I'm going to die at any second and I'm not exaggerating one bit.
By the time we got to the ER, the pain had only blossomed and I was drenched in sweat. Im terrified.
Demi stopped the car and jumped out as I heard her screaming commands to the Drs waiting outside and them yelling back at her.
The door flew open and before I knew it, I was on a gurney. A gurney!
"Mom!" I screamed, "Mommy, help!"
"I'm right here, baby girl!" She sobbed, holding onto my hand as they wheeled me inside.
Something happened and they began to pick up their pace and started shouting medical terms at each other. I felt Demi's hand escape my grasp, but I was to weak to get it back. The doctors faces began going blurry, as did the voices I was hearing. One doctor was looking into my eyes, shouting something. I felt an oxygen mask being put over my mouth as the pain began to numb.
The doctors faces completely disappeared as the world went black.
Is this what dying feels like?