Chick Fuzz~
A dulled yellow of stolen enthusiasm, the beginning of pessimism, and a harbinger for ignorance in handling an upcoming tough situation.
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Leonardo hasn't been speaking with me all week.
It has been six days since the McKayla incident, and the only sentence he spoke to me was about borrowing some athletic tape during practice. Other than that, he's been ghosting me, telling me that he's tired whenever I ask to hangout after practice. He's been avoiding me in the locker room, racing to practice before I can walk with him, catching the lone route back to the dorms no matter how fast I take my showers to catch up with him.
And it hurts.
Not only was Leonardo Costa my friend, but I looked forward to our hangouts after practice. I enjoyed the movies, the dumb smiles, the crushed snack bags shoved into my locker. But I ruined it by inviting McKayla over. Even though it's not my fault for liking McKayla, I still feel in the wrong for crushing his dreams.
His aura nowadays is flaming hot with dulled disappointment and vague jealousy. Instead of once compelling me towards him like it used to, his aura only serves to push me away, to reflect me off like a light beam on a protective mirror.
He's defending himself from getting hurt by me. But every consecutive day that passes I can see him hurting more and more. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not the only one at fault for his unhappiness. So it must be his father.
Given the exhibition yesterday, I bet his father is on him constantly. I outperformed him on every event except high bar and the scores were made public for everyone in the Road to London camp. People here are talking about us, speculating how the London Games are going to go. In the hallways, I hear my name tossed around next to 'champion,' 'gold,' and 'first,' but they fail to make me happy.
Coach Kan is beyond himself with joy at the moment. With two weeks remaining, he's blatantly confident that I'll be able to pull through for the Olympics and return to Korea with a spanking gold medal hanging around my neck. Leo's coach, however, is anything but happy. I've seen him side-eyeing me with as much malice as a serial killer in a horror flick. Unlike Costa, he's always watching me, probably trying to contemplate how I've managed to outperform the reigning champion.
And it scares me. While I'm excited to go to London and live the dream I've been envisioning since I first put on a leotard, I'm nervous about Costa's father. His patience is wearing down like the fuse of a bomb every day that I beat his son. And that dreaded explosion will need to be thwarted for as long as possible.
So I'll have to purposely play it safe, maybe get a few deductions in my routines to give him some leeway.
I don't care if doing so makes Kan mad. As long as Leo stays safe, I could give a shit if Kan is a bit irked. I simply need to fake my incompetency until then.
Until the end...
At the end of this, nothing will stop me from reporting his father.
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"Four more sets, Jeon!"
Coach Kan yells across the fitness room to his mentee, making eye contact in the mirror. The Korean nods as he shakes out his arms, eventually returning to the Russian deadlifts he has been assigned for conditioning.
On the other side of the room, Leonardo works stamina by running with a weighted vest and ankle weights on a fast-moving treadmill. Donnell is focusing on buffing his shoulder blades with a nasty resistance band, expanding the purple band repeatedly at his coach's command. Throughout the room is the heavy sound of breathing, footfalls on the treadmill, and vague American pop music playing over the speakers of the room.
Jungkook inhales through his nose and puffs air out his mouth as he squats with dumbbells in his hands. Every time he rises, he has to fight the urge to look at Leonardo in the mirror. It's challenging, a hard opportunity to miss up, but he knows the Brazilian will be reminded of something that doesn't need reminding.
Even though Jungkook didn't do anything with McKayla that night other than talking and kissing, Leonardo is none the wiser. For all he knows, those two are in a dedicated, romantic relationship that will outlast the Olympics until a loving and stable marriage later on...or perhaps in his mind is brewing some other crazy, inaccurate theory.
Whenever Jungkook tries to approach Leonardo in the dorm hallways to explain him and McKayla's dumb three-week relationship plan that's based on infatuation, the other brushes him off. Just mentioning McKayla's name seems to hit a hard spot inside the Brazilian.
"He's sweating like a pig."
Jungkook gazes up from the floor at Kan who has made his way to a nearby bench and sits, watching him closely in the mirror. Kan nonchalantly tilts his head over at Leonardo on the treadmill, who's sprinting while weighed down.
Jungkook flicks his eyes away as soon as he sees the dread pulsing in Leo's aura when his father tells him to increase the speed. He swallows.
"I'm sweating like a pig too." Jungkook replies in Korean.
Since him and Kan use Korean to hide their linguistic message, he wonders what Leonardo and his father say to each other in Portuguese. No doubt Leo's father spits pretty demeaning things given the lurch in Costa's aura whenever his coach opens his mouth. Jungkook frowns at the thought.
"You're hardly sweating, look at you!" Kan motions loosely towards him. "The Brazilian's having a rough time with conditioning today. He's unfocused. Tired. Flagging. All the better for us, haha!"
Biting back a nasty remark, Jungkook focuses on squatting. It isn't unlike Kan to constantly rip apart Leonardo any chance he can get, but doesn't hurt Jungkook any less to hear it. Costa's own father rips him apart on a regular basis, trying to force his son into the position of a champion no matter the emotional or physical cost. It's a heartbreaking cycle for Jungkook, knowing two people rail on Costa during any given day.
"It won't be better for us if he passes out." Jungkook asserts, finishing up his reps. "Plus, he's motivation for me to get better, Kan. If he didn't exist, would I be here improving and working hard?"
Brief flickers of shock, indignation, understanding, and finally tepid impartiality register in Kan's face. When he's done with the exercise, Jungkook places the dumbbells in their respective homes, rolling his shoulders out. Coach Kan dismisses him from conditioning with a wave and a shrug to the previous question.
Grateful for the reprieve from exertion, Jungkook hurries into the locker room. For once, he's here early at practice's end.
The perfect chance to corner Leonardo. And apologize...maybe even tell Leo about his ability to see aur-
"No." Jungkook unlocks the door to his locker, packing his gear up fast. He can't tell Leonardo about his ability. He isn't even sure if the Brazilian would believe him—telling anybody about something so widely unknown to the general public as aura-reading is bound to stir up disbelief. "No, definitely not. Not telling him."
When the locker room door opens, Jungkook hurries to press his locker shut and rushes to hide behind the large, tiled barrier near the showers. If Leonardo thinks Jungkook has left already, catching him will be easier.
Gentle footsteps enter the locker room and pad away from his clandestine position. Now is the time. Jungkook slinks back around so that he's blocking the exit as he makes his way quietly for the lockers.
However, when he gets to the correct block of lockers, he sucks in a breath. It's only Donnell. The American starts at Jungkook's sudden and lethally silent intrusion, gripping his chest and yelling.
"HOLY FUCK!" Donnell shakes his head, bursting into laughter at himself. When he collects himself, he points a warning finger at the Korean with a good-natured tune in his voice. "Ah, it's just you! Jesus Christ, Jungkook! Are you preparing to kill your competitors before the Olympics?"
Jungkook sighs but smiles at Donnell nonetheless. He has to admit that seeing the fright on Donnell's face was mildly entertaining.
"No, I'm not a killer." Jungkook chuckles. "Sorry for scaring you Donnell! Have a good night."
"You too!" Donnell calls after Jungkook, who's started off towards the showers. He plans on waiting inside a stall for Donnell's departure...and Leo's arrival.
Eventually, the American gymnast leaves the locker room with his heavy orange duffel bag, singing off-pitch along to some pop tune that was playing in the aerobic studio. After he exits the room, Jungkook is left amidst his own thoughts. How is going to hold Leonardo here to apologize and save their friendship? What is he going to start with? 'Hi Leonardo, I'm sorry I have a temporary girlfriend but I want you to ignore your deep feelings for me that I know exist because I can see those feelings in the aura surrounding you-'
"Ugh!" Jungkook curses how stupid it all sounds, kicking the wall. Whenever he sees these tiles, he's reminded of the shower incident with Leo weeks ago. Even if their relationship has to come to that, has to withstand the tension of Leo's attraction to him, he doesn't care. He just wants his friend back.
Someone enters the locker room.
Jungkook tenses up, clenching his fists against the shower wall. This is it. His chance.
Carefully, he opens the stall door and pads out. Again, he goes around the back to get in his strategic, exit-blocking position. He makes his way quieter than ever to the locker block, studying the intensity of the red aura trail floating in thick tendrils out towards him...seeking him out. They're pulsing red threads among the blue lockers, searching to latch onto him and deliver him to their owner.
Before he can see Leonardo, he's greeted by the gymnast's voice.
"Jungkook. Come out."
His heart freezes. There's no way that Leonardo could have seen him...perhaps Donnell told Leo that he was still in there?
When he surfaces around the locker corner, Leo isn't facing him. He's digging around in his locker, tossing everything he needs into his red gym bag. His bare broad shoulders are covered with sweat droplets left over from conditioning. Jungkook awkwardly takes a seat on the far side of the nearest bench, watching Costa uneasily.
"So..." Jungkook starts. "Um, I just wanted to say that I'm sor-"
"Don't." Leo cuts in. He slams the locker, facing Jungkook. When he does, Jungkook is met with the haggard version of the formidable opponent he was first introduced to at the beginning of camp. Dark bags ring Leo's eyes and his breathing is thin and labored. Clearly, he hasn't recovered from his agonizing conditioning, nor has he been doing well recently.
And it breaks Jungkook's heart.
"Leo, can you please let me speak? This once, just let me explain. Let me talk to you."
When the Brazilian doesn't make a move, Jungkook presses on. With an odd burst of intuition, he decides he needs to be honest.
"First, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry that I like McKayla or that I'm in a relationship with her-" Leo winces. "-but I'm sorry you're hurting right now."
Leonardo scrunches his eyebrows at the comment. As still as a statue, Leo maintains his sweaty, disheveled composure. Jungkook studies the darkness in Leo's aura and reads it as doubt.
"I'm serious, Leo. I'm sorry. Please believe me. I think I have a pretty good idea of what you're feeling right now...and I'm sorry."
Leonardo stiffens against the back of the locker, regarding Jungkook with unmasked worry. His face is contorted in slight agitation, mouth pursed in thought. After a few seconds, he speaks.
"Who told you?"
Jungkook swallows. Who told him? Is Leonardo's love for him circulating around the complex or something? Pondering that idea makes Jungkook break out in goosebumps. That would be awful for the both of their careers. Leonardo must sense some of the confusion and fear on his face, taking a seat on the bench with an air of apprehension.
"Wait, Leo. What are you talking about?" Jungkook asks urgently.
Defeated, the Brazilian licks his lips and sighs. Even with his aura brushing against Jungkook's, he seems to shrink away from the Korean. "My mom. Her health is...failing."
Jungkook's heart thumps painfully in his throat. That was not what he expected. "Wh-what?"
Leo's mouth twists with melancholy. "Yeah. She has...I don't know what it's called in English. Blood disease? Blood...cancer. It's...bad. She's in the hospital right now."
Blood cancer. To Jungkook, the phrase translates quickly in his mind, bearing its teeth like a nasty, feral bear.
Leukemia.
In that moment, Jungkook doesn't register his body moving. By the time he scoots next to Leo's side, he's only slightly aware of his own bodily controls.
Leo tenses as Jungkook wraps strong arms around his sides. As Jungkook hugs the other, he feels a deep, resonating ache in his heart. Leonardo's sadness is rubbing off on him, and it isn't pleasant.
"Oh...I'm...that's awful, Leo." Jungkook speaks into Leo's shoulder in the side-hug, squeezing his competitor's waist. "I'm so sorry."
For a while they sit like that, Jungkook with his arm wrapped around Leo's torso and Leo staring with glazed eyes at the locker room floor. Jungkook feels at a loss for words. Here he was planning on apologizing to Leonardo for the pain he'd personally caused only to discover that a much more serious source was responsible.
Leo shifting brings him back to the present, and painfully so. Jungkook removes his arm and waits for the other to speak again. When he does, his voice is raw and scratchy.
"Jungkook..." He seems hesitant, leaning away from asking something yet wanting terribly to let it out.
"Yes?" Jungkook is close enough to see the individual dots of stubble ghosting Leo's upper lip. "You can say anything."
Leo nods imperceptibly, not meeting his gaze. "I have to choose between staying here or going to her. I don't know what to do. What do I do?"
Jungkook feels his stomach flipping despite all his attempts to stay calm. "When do you have to choose?"
"Tomorrow." Leo deflates. "Tomorrow."
The day of the fourth week banquet. Jungkook almost reaches out again to comfort Leo, but decides against it. "You...how long would you be gone?"
Leonardo doesn't speak for the longest time. His fingernails tap his kneecaps without any steadiness, a choppy stutter of nails against skin. Finally, he raises his head and admits to the wall, "I don't know."
"A few days?" Jungkook tries to keep his voice steady. "A week? Would you come back before-"
"Jungkook." Leo croaks, shaking his head. "I don't know."
The lack of a definitive answer tells Jungkook all he needs to know. Whatever is wrong with Leo's mother...it isn't looking good. And Leo has to choose between staying here for the Olympics or traveling to his Mom's side for her dwindling time left on the Earth. The conundrum makes Jungkook's head pound and his entire body ache. All he wants to do is make Leo feel better, but the circumstances cannot be avoided.
"Oh. Well...I think you should go with your heart. If you want to visit her, do it. Do what makes you happy, Leo. Not your father."
At the mention of his father, Leonardo turns to regard him for the first time. In his dark eyes are turbulent floods of pain, sorrow, and need.
"Can I..." Leo starts. Jungkook predicts where this is going.
"You can come over and sleep in my room if you need to. I have extra blankets. We can talk."
Leonardo visibly relaxes. "Thank you."
As they slowly get up off the bench and make their way towards the exit, Leonardo gives him an intense look.
"So what were you going to say before if it wasn't about my mother?"
Jungkook tosses his arm over Leo's shoulder, shutting the door to the locker room quietly.
"Nothing." Jungkook leans into the Brazilian's side. "It was nothing."
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note from authAURA~
hello.
if you would kindly stab chick fuzz in the back to rid it from of this planet, I would gladly celebrate the murderous deed with a grand feast. i hate those chick fuzz days when you get all happy and energetic only for the mood to be crushed by something dumb, like getting your finger jammed in a door or kicking the ceiling.
you know? it sucks. alas.
aside from life's unpredictable sorrows, have a beautiful day~
Iz.