~ life has taught me that you can't control someone's loyalty. no matter how good you are to them, doesn't mean that they will treat you the same. no matter how much they mean to you, doesn't mean that they'll value you the same. sometimes the people you love the most, turn out to be the people you can trust the least ~
I don't think I ever cried so hard. My whole life seemed to surround some traumatic moment but this betrayal took the cake. I wanted to believe that maybe I could finally be happy, but lord knows that'd be to easy. I was at least blessed with being a pretty cryer to at least I didn't have red puffy eyes when I finally worked up the nerve to knock on Emily's door.
It takes a second but eventually it opens. Emily stands there, her eyes searching for something before she lets out a small sigh, "I'm guessing you know." It wasn't really a question.
I just nod silently, my head pounding from the outrageous amount of tears I had shed. Motioning me in, Emily shakes her head, "And this is where i through my life away for killing our section chief," she mumbles.
I just walk through her hallway and into her living room, plopping my exhausted body onto her plush couch. Emily sits beside me, a small sorry smile gracing her lips, "He didn't want to do it." She simply states.
"He still did it." I argue, my voice a bit raw with emotion. He still did it.
"It was his job."
"I was his job." I restate, making eye contact with her. She sighs but doesn't deny it.
"None of us wanted to do it, Strauss wanted the intel-"
"She could have just fucking asked like a responsible agent."
"She's Strauss."
"That's not an excuse."
It grows quiet, Emily fully aware I was right.
"God what about Jack?" I ask, tears gathering in my eyes, "He-" my voice breaks off before I clear my throat, "He called me mom the other day." I nod, "I didn't know what to say so I just changed the subject. I was going to talk to Aaron about it tonight but, well..." trailing off, I keep my eyes glued to the coffee table in front of me.
Emily stayed silent, not uttering a word. "Em I need you to tell me what to do,"
She just shakes her head, "It's not my place."
I groan in frustration, "I said I wouldn't do this," I complain, holding my head in my hands, "That I wouldn't get attached, but shocker! here I am." I hastily wipe a tear from my cheek, "The second things start to fall apart, I need him. I don't know how to do any of it without him." I shake my head in disbelief, "But he caused this."
Wiping my cheeks I shake my head, "God I probably sound psycho."
Emily chuckles lightly, "Honey I deal with psycho on the daily, you my dear are far from it."
I smile slightly, "You sound like Rossi,"
She shrugs, "He's like a more mature version of me,"
I shake my head, growing silent. "Did everyone know in the beginning?" I ask in a low voice.
Emily sighs, "JJ and I weren't in the loop but I confronted Hotch about it when I recognized your last name." She explains.
I nod slowly, "It took so long for me to trust all of you. Hell I was still working on it. And this, I- Em I just want to wake up already and be told this was all a dream." I turn towards her, my voice borderline desperate.
"This is where I have the sudden urge to kill that women once again," she snaps, referring to Strauss.
I chuckle a bit, "If it makes you feel any better I did tell her to go screw Rossi," I admit.
Emily's silent for a second before she snorts, "No."
"Yes. She didn't even deny shit, it was so funny."
"How did Hotch react?"
I bite my lip, "He didn't really, he just looked defeated." I murmur. Emily just nods slightly.
"Are you coming to work in the morning?"
I laugh bitterly, "To the job I didn't even earn, yes. I need to have a word with Erin."
*
"Ms. Garcia was right though Ms. Valentino, you are over qualified for this job. It's a honor to have you working here."
I stay silent, honestly holding back from screaming at her, "I find that hard to believe Erin since the only reason you did hire me was to keep me under tighter surveillance." I comment, my face blank of emotion. Working with profilers did help me mask any feelings so I guess that's a plus.
"That was not the reasoning behind you being hired."
I sigh in exacerbation, "Erin, I am practically a profiler myself so it's a humongous waste of both our times. In fact, you typed the report to the director, your exact words where 'Ms. Valentino was given the job as a precautionary measure incase she moved out of Agent Hotchner's home'."
"I know you feel betrayed by Agent Hotchner-"
I laugh slightly, "I'm sure you do. That's not the reason I'm here though." I state, reaching into my briefcase, "Erin I'm a smart girl. I knew who was putting money in my account. I knew where my last name came from. Who do you think informed the NSA of our relations. It would have saved us both a lot of trouble if you just asked me to bring my grandfather to you." I calmly say, placing a file on her desk.
Standing up from my seat, I flatten out the wrinkles in my pencil skirt, "Mr. Valentino will be meeting me at a casino tonight, do what you need to do." And with that i exit her office, my heed clicking against the floor as I make my way to the elevator.
Pulling my phone out to call Emily I snap my eyes up when the door opens with a ding, wide brown eyes starring at me in shock. Jack smiles hugely and runs to me, hugging my legs. My eyes water slightly as I crouch down on my legs to return his hug.
Jessica looks at me first in confusion then in realization. She sends me a sorry look, "I will kill him." She simply says, causing me to chuckle slightly, "I'll tell him your talking with Jack." She mumbles, closing the elevator doors.
I suck in a deep breath, picking Jack up. "We have to talk mister Jack." I say, walking towards the stairs with him on my hip.
He nods, "Is it about daddy?" I tuck my phone into the side of my skirt, nodding ever so slightly.
"Ya," I whisper out. I didn't want to leave Jack, I loved him. Even if I never said it to Aaron I loved him also. I didn't want to leave either Hotchner. "Do you remember when you called me mom?" I ask, my heels clicking against the concrete stairs that no one ever takes.
Jack nods, "Mhm, you're not make are you?" He asks worriedly. I shake my head, "No." my voice was full of emotions.
Readjusting him on my hip, I walk onto the 6th floor. I stay silent till I enter my office, aware of the eyes on me. Shutting the door, I take a seat on my couch, Jack cuddled onto me, "Jack me and your dad, we uh, some things came up," I nod to myself, warm tears building up in my eyes, "And we both decided that it would be best if I moved out."
Jack looks up at me like a lost puppy, "Will I still see you?" He questions.
A small tear rolls down my cheek, "I'm not sure baby." I admit. He already lost his mom and then Beth and now me. "But, I will try my absolute hardest to make sure that I see you again. Jack I love you," I sniff, "And I love you your daddy, but sometimes things just get really complicated and I'm really sorry that I have to leave you."
Jack just wipes my tears, "I love you too Dani." He mumbles, snuggling back into me, "I don't want you to go."
"I know," I hold in a sob, holding Jack tighter, "I don't want to go either but your daddy and I just, we're not going to be able to stay together. And that's my fault," I take the blame, knowing that the last thing Aaron needs is his son hating him, "But I love you and your daddy loved you so so much," I tell him, warm tears traveling there way down my tan cheeks, "I'm so sorry."
Jack stays silent, his tiny body slightly shaking as he cry's with me. I don't dare utter any other word as I hold him to me, trying to pull myself together.