You tried to push the thoughts out of your head. The ones that confused you, that made your heart thump, that made you unable to speak.
It was almost like a never ending cycle of hell. You needed to get some confirmation from someone but no one came to mind. You were alone with these thoughts as you didn't want to confine in anyone on board.
Luckily you were going to be docking soon. You would be able to slip away and go clear your head. You had a badly damaged arm but like hell was that going to stop you from going on your walk.
You were going to be docking within the next day or so. Everyone seemed so light hearted and cheerful that they would be able to breathe in air that hasn't been recycled.
You couldn't lie you were just waiting for you to return to the surface. Being trapped within the same boat with the same people for months on end was suffocating.
You had already made up your mind up on going on a walk but you couldn't decide whether you should leave fully.
You completely forgot about the fact that you no longer have possession of your heart. It just dawned on you that you wouldnt be able to escape without it.
But why escape? Your life had only improved since you being on the ship minus the demon thing in your dreams.
You haven't had much sleep at all. It's been around 4 days since the incident with law and you still refused to sleep. You kept your mind awake and alert just incase you sense any danger.
Paranoia overcame your being since the dream, it was something you couldn't afford to go back too. The pain, both physical and mental and this is even missing the fact that you were petrified by the being.
You became very scared of going back to that place, it would be a living hell if you got caught in that place again.
You had thought about giving in too sleep multiple times but you are quickly reminded as to why your not sleeping by the pain that surges your arm.
You had even thought of a way to get away from him if you did fall asleep. You would have to cause yourself physical damage. Like you did with the bite mark on your wrist.
Now that you think about it law did ask questions about your injuries. He still thought he caused it all. You wanted to assure him that he didn't do anything but you couldn't give out the fact that theres a crazy demon that appears in your dreams. No way!
Law had caused the extent of the damage anyway, he did hit you full force. You had thought it might be better to just blame law but everytime the thought crosses your head you get a small twang of pain within your chest. To be more precise, your heart.
You couldn't blame him, it wasn't right yet the thought kept crossing your mind. Maybe it was too make him stop worrying about you so much.
Maybe you just wanted to feel guilty, too feel as though he had caused this just so you could escape the questions but the thought alone hurt. It hurt so much.
You decided to shake the thought out of your head, there was no point to you wondering about scenarios tha would never happen.
On a more important note you were going to have to push law to the back of your head, you were going to have to figure out how to handle the nightmare.
You were on your wits end at this point, sleep was never far from your mind. It was always a normal function and without it you would be much slower in reflexes , thoughts and healing of all things.
You needed to face the demon within your head, and this would happen one way or another either from you passing out or your just sleeping.
There was no guarantee that it would be there again, you didn't even know if you had caused your injuries while in that head space.
You were going to have to prepare for the inevitable, it was happening one way or another now was the time to act.
You look back on what your surroundings were, what you were wearing...
WHAT YOU WERE WEARING!!!
You had your clothes anything that was hanging from your body was there. This is how your going to concur that thing.
You knew it was a long shot but if you had a knife within your pocket would that be in that place aswell.
From the look of things it looked as though he could control the surroundings or at least knew them well as he was able to manipulate that place to his advantage.
We was much stronger than you, that was proven by the injury, your arm...
It was a reminder that this thing could kill you within a moments notice. Why didn't he kill you?
Why did he keep you alive? What was the point? Why were you still alive?
He could have easily snapped your neck within a moments notice, so why didn't he?
More questions flooded your mind, you came up with a few guesses.
He needed you alive for something. He could have been toying with you that would explain his cocky attitude...
One thought stuck with you and it made you horrified with the fact that he may be a part of you.
For most of your life you were called demon.....what if he is the demon everyone talks about, what if he takes control of you while your in that state or even sleeping.
You didn't want to sleep more than ever but you needed answers. You needed to get answers but you also needed a knife.
Time to go and see your crew mates. Law had been changing your bandages every few hours, he was deathly silent and whenever you would try and start a conversation you were met with silence or dead answers.
You had decided to stop trying to talk to law, he obviously didn't want too... you didn't want to admit it but it hurt your chest, the feeling of something tearing apart your heart strings.
You couldn't bear to be left is silence again. It was too eerie to even listen to the silence. It made you even more paranoid.
Maybe it was lack of sleep but you knew one thing for sure, you were losing your edge. It was slowly slipping from your grasp.
You shook the thought out of your head and headed towards the kitchen to find both food and people. You didn't know how they would react to your presence after everything that's happened.
You made up your mind and continued to storm down the hallway with clear motivation, you couldn't let your tiredness get a hold of you just yet.
You pushed open the doors with your none injured hand, everyone within the room didn't even notice your entrance let alone your existence. They just seemed to be digging into there food without a care.
'Thank fuck'
You strolled past multiple tables and got a few glances by some of the crew but they just went back to eating, which was great. You could easily get a meal and a knife without being noticed.
You walked right into the kitchen and made your way to the pot of what seemed like curry. The sudden whiff of spices hit your nose it made your mouth drool with excitement.
You quickly grabbed yourself a bowl placing it down onto the side. You grabbed both a scoop of already cooked rice and hot curry placing them on opposite sides of the plate.
You knew this was going to be good.
You quickly made your way the kitchen wear and looked for a small and easily hidden knife. Once you had laid your eyes onto your saviour you shoved it into your pocket, blade pointing downwards.
You quickly made your way back to your plate and brought it too a empty table within the corner of the room, away from everyone.
You didn't want anyone to bother you while you ate and you really didn't have a enough energy to deal with living beings. You could barely keep up with yourself let alone other people.
You took a spoon of both rice and curry, you gently lifted the spoon to your mouth.
After all this time you would usually get someone to eat it before you did, but this time was different.
You wanted to trust that these people were different. You needed to trust them.
You put your lips around your spoon and the food just fell onto your tongue. You exploded with flavour. It tasted amazing.
You had gotten a few mouthfuls deep, it was all going great. You could even feel your tiredness kicking in.
You went wide eyed as you realised what was going on.
You wanted to believe it wasnt true.
You looked up towards the crew, you were only met with guilty looks before they quickly ripped there eyes from yours.
'Why?'
'Why? I trusted them? Was I wrong to place my trust? Why? Why? Why?'
You took a whiff of what you had been eating and were met with a familiar smell. A chemical one..
The pain in your chest began to grow, it started to rip you apart from the inside.
You contained your emotions completely cutting everyone out. You could feel your grasp quickly loosen on your spoon. It was a fast acting drug.
Your face had become completely emotionless. You couldn't help but feel helpless, that anything you did in this world would mean nothing. Everything nice goes away eventually. Nothing lasts forever.
A single tear scratched at your eyes falling down your cheek and onto your clothes. The eyes that once held so many emotions now became dulled over.
You stood up wobbling, you wanted to get out of this wretched place and fast. You stumbled your way over to the door, hitting into multiple tables but your couldn't care.
Someone even tried to help you.
You couldn't, no wouldn't accept help from these pirates again.
A hand made it's way onto your shoulders to try and steady you but you were having none of it.
You whipped your shoulder away from the touch, your body missing the warmth.
"Don't Fucking Touch Me!" You had anger leaking from your voice. Venom within every word you spoke.
The only thing you could focus on was the getting away from everyone.
You wanted to go to a secluded place away from everything, everyone.
You stumbled your way down the hall your vision getting more and more blurry. You couldn't tell if it was the drug or the tears that were raging down your face. Either way you couldn't see.
You quickly made your way towards your room. You walked into your room and moved a chair in front of the door stopping anyone getting in.
You collapsed onto your bed, you had bashed your arm up multiple times while making your way to your room but the pain was the only thing keeping you composed.
You felt your eyes become heavy with every breath.
Your everything started to weaken, the pain, your consciousness. Everything.
You wanted to forget what had happened but you couldn't, the betrayal you had just gone through was still ripping apart every fibre of your body that told you, you could trust them.
Within a few seconds sleep grasped your being but not before your spoke a few words.
"Why does it hurt so much?"
Hope you guys like the new chapter!!!!!! Thank you for reading!!!
Enjoy!!!!!!